Vent oneshots ♥︎ MCYT (Mainly Agere)

Sleepless nights.

FTM Ranboo FTM Ranboo!

This is unedited as all of these will be.

For once I'm projecting onto C!Ranboo instead of being jealous! If he ever says or has said he's uncomfortable with this type of stuff then I will take it down in an instant

And now for 1000+ words of me heavily projecting and hurt comfort!

Tw: crying, burns, facial dysmorphia, gender dysphoria, panic attack, coming out, self hate, binding.

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Ranboo pulled the blankets around him further, hoping they've catch the silent tears. His mask helped to gather them but then it wet the tip of his mask, and crying into the glasses was just a pain. So he avoided letting the tears fall on the glasses at the very least.

The clock read 4:48AM, a time that if Tubbo knew he was still awake then he would have been quite upset. It didn't stop Ranboo.

This time also meant he had under an hour left. An hour left to take off his binder before it became more then 8 hours. But he couldn't bring himself to. Well it didn't fix everything, it was comfort. It suppressed the gender dysphoria rising in his chest.

The mask and glasses weren't helping anymore. That was his big problem.

He had started wearing them before he joined the server. It made introductions easier! They made him look normal, something he definitely was not. They hid the purple tongue and scars from crying. The glasses weren't to hide, they helped the eye contact. Helped to make eye contact bearable and helped him secretly avoid eye contact. That was all they where supposed to be for.

But they weren't just for that anymore. He didn't need to hide his face, Tommy Tubbo Techno Phil, even Niki had seen his face. And almost everyone knew that eye contact was a no-no. So why?

It was for himself. He tried to convince himself it was so he wouldn't out himself, and well this helped it just wasn't true. His face wasn't that femine enough to out himself, and when anyone had seen his face they hadn't noticed.

Ranboo hated his face, thought he hadn't told anyone. He couldn't stand how his dead eyes bore into him, or how his lips where just a little to big for a male, or how his hair would never fall just right. How his skin were scarred and dry, his cheeks lanky and unnatural, his nose sharp and small. And the worst part of all of it? None of it was true.

The closest he had ever gotten to telling anyone about all this was asking Tubbo what he looked like. Asking Tubbo to describe each feature, and getting the description of someone he didn't know. Of glowing eyes and a perfect face. He left Tubbo without an answer of why he asked that day, and instead broke into tears.

He couldn't see himself how Tubbo did. The person he saw in the mirror was someone he wasn't supposed to see. And it pounded painfully into his head.

So he wore the mask and glasses so he didn't cry each time he saw a mirror.

And now they weren't working. His cheeks and forehead and the creases of his eyes where enough. They made him want to smash the mirror even when he was wearing the mask.

On top of that, the gender dysphoria was pushing against him. He had to take off his binder. He knew he had to. But without it everything felt so wrong. And after this slip up, he couldn't wear it tomorrow.

Tomorrow was already today. Today was now 5:34am.

Ranboo rushed to pull of the binder in a panic. that was 8 hours, his max. Now it would get bad.

Ranboo stood up with a sigh and got dressed. He pulled on a bra (something he hated to wear), jeans and a hoodie. This hoodie was supposed to be to large and act like a binder, but less effective. Ranboo forgot it was midsummer. Ranboo forgot he had gotten taller.

Ranboo walked to the kitchen careful not to wake anyone. The mansion was newly build and Ranboo was still getting used to the layout. Tubbo had been working on his nukes till late last night, so he was asleep in the spare room. It was a nice effort to not wake Ranboo when he came in. But Ranboo hadn't been asleep anyway.

The plan was to make breakfast. For himself, maybe even Tubbo and Micheal. The plan was not to find Tubbo already in the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Tubbo." Ranboo mumbled. His tried to cross his arms casually, but it didn't help. If anything it made his chest worse.

"Hey big man, what are you doing up?" Tubbo didn't turn around. He focused on pouring milk in his coffee, if you could even call it coffee. It looked more milk then caffeine, and Ranboo knew half of that was sugar.

"Couldn't sleep" Ranboo wanted to open the fridge or grab a peach, without uncrossing his arms. This was going well.

"You ok Ran-" Tubbo turned around to see a mess infrount of him. Ranboo's hair was everywhere, fresh burn scars on his cheeks and his mask wet. And most importantly, he was wearing his mask and glasses at 5 in the morning. Tubbo didn't even have have time to take in the crossed arms, he just ran into Ranboo with a hug.

Ranboo froze, his holds body tensing. The hug was nice, but also terrifying. Was Tubbo about to realize?

"Boo, what's wrong." Tubbo whispered from Ranboo's shoulder. Ranboo didn't know what to say or do, he couldn't think. Everything was so bad and then Tubbo was so good. He couldn't stop himself.

Ranboo broke down. He finally let himself sob. He slipped to the ground with the help of Tubbo, who didn't let go of him. They sat like this. Not happily, but comfortably. It was what Ranboo needed.

"Bee, it's to much." Ranboo stuttered through tears. He felt to tall, to big for the room. Tubbo rubbed circles into his back.

"Tell me Big man. If it's to much then we can both carry it." Tubbo whispered again. Ranboo wanted to sink into Tubbo's voice and escape.

"I hate my face so much Tubbo. I know you think it looks nice but I just can't see it that way. Facial dysmorphia or whatever. And that with the dysphoria... it's all to much." Ranboo ranted. He sank into Tubbo's warm and let it all go. Let it fly into the world for Tubbo to help, or use to tear him apart.

"Dysphoria?" Tubbo asked quietly. Ranboo nodded, and Tubbo pushed away to look into Ranboo's eyes. "What kind of dysphoria?"

"Gender dysphoria. Tubbo, I'm trans." Ranboo whispered words he hadn't told anyone. Tubbo's eyes widened in panic.

"Oh my prime have I been misgendering you? What name do you want? What pronouns?!" Tubbo asked frantically. Ranboo smiled slightly, pulling down his mask to show Tubbo he was smiling.

"He/him, my name is Ranboo. I'm trans in the other direction, female to male. Don't worry Bee." Ranboo explained. Tubbo smiled and sank against Ranboo again.

"Thank you for telling me, it means a lot. I guess your not out to anyone else on the server then?" Tubbo said. Ranboo smiled larger then he had in awhile, thought that wasn't a very high bar.

"Your the first person I've come out to ever. I didn't really know anyone before this server and obviously fully transitioned by the time I got here." Ranboo explained. Tubbo stood up and offered Ranboo a hand.

"I got you Big Man. I will do everything I can to help you through this and make it better. Now let's get you some food."

And here is your section to vent! Make sure to read the first chapter about this if needed. Bye!