Thantophobia // Technoblade x reader

Chapter 15. Forget me.

Philza pov. 

     Days have passed and y/n has not recovered in the slightest. In fact, she's gotten worse. I don't think she can understand what I say when I read to her and she doesn't keep her eyes open for longer than 5 minutes at a time.  The bed side tables have become filled with clutter, the floor covered in sweaty clothes, empty bowels and cups littered around the room. I've come to the realization that this one may do her in. I've forced myself to accept it.

     Y/n and I have been through a lot in the years I've known her, but none have been as bad as this. She's always been able to do something. Eat, talk, bathe herself. This is killing me, watching her slowly wither away while laying in Techno's bed. Techno does nothing but sit outside the door of the room. He doesn't eat or sleep unless he's on the verge of falling unconscious.  Ranboo stops by every few hours to bring any materials we need, other than that, we've done nothing but care for y/n's every need. 

     I've been considering asking Niki to come and help to bathe her, since the best I can manage is wiping her down with some damp rags. Lord knows Y/n needs a bath. 

     A soft knock sounded against the door. I turned to look just as it creaked open, Techno's large frame standing awkwardly in doorframe. I stand and nod in acceptance. I asked Techno if he would be willing to watch her while I run to grab something, as horrifying the thought of leaving her is to me. I pushed past him before he entered the room, in a hurry to get this over with. I stopped and put my hand on his shoulder for a moment, "Call for me if anything goes wrong?" He nods to reassure me as I take my leave.

Technoblade pov. 

     I stood silently in the hallway for a few minutes after Phil left, preparing myself.  I haven't seen her since my interaction with Phil. I caused this. I creeped forward into the room, my heavy steps causing the floor to creak underneath me. I stop beside the edge of the bed, not looking up to see her. I listened to her labored breathing. Phil has made it clear what's happening. Do I want to look at her? Will this be the last way I'll ever see her. My eyes forced themselves to make contact with her. My body sank slowly onto  the side of the bed into a sitting position. Why does she look like that?

     My hand reached forward and brushed hair out of the way, my thumb brushing softly against her cheek. Why does she look so peaceful? I leaned forward, my lips gently pressing against her forehead, "I'm so sorry." I pulled myself up, and dragged myself over to a chair that Phil must have been using. I don't mind the mess in the room, not right now. I can't be bothered. I leaned back in the chair and watched her sleeping figure. How did I let myself fall for someone in such a position. Fall? Have I fallen? 

     I don't want to acknowledge how I feel for this sickly girl. I never expected this to happen. From the first moment I saw her, she was only a nervous wreck of a person. She resembled a fragile animal or a lost child. But now? Now she's everything. She takes up every waking moment of mine. What is mine, I would give to her. If I could save her... I'd do anything.  Is this what Phil meant? When he said he'd meant I hadn't done this? I already knew he meant my voices but maybe.. maybe he meant more.

     I pulled myself out of my thoughts, I can't think about this right now. The idea of loving her hurts too much, not when she's almost  already gone. A quite wheeze sounding from the bed drew my attention. I noticed her barely shifting about in the sheets as a whine left her throat. I stood quickly, practically pushing myself into the side of the bed. I fell to my knees besides the bed and held her hand in mine. "Y/n?" 

     Silence. No response. She didn't respond when I spoke her name, however she did have her eyes open. Barely. Her labored breathing had brief pauses  between each haphazard inhale and exhale. Y/n stared blankly towards the ceiling. I arose and sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes unmoving from their spot on the room above us. "Y/n, can you hear me?"

     I hesitate for a moment when she doesn't respond, "I think you know by now, your not doing too well." I swallow, "I've been thinking for a little bit.. maybe.. um.." I look away for a moment before looking up, "Maybe when you get better, we could go somewhere." I sigh, "anywhere but here." I look down to see her, her eyes are closed again, her cheeks freshly wetted with new tears. She has one finger pressed against my hand, the only motion she had been able to handle. I put my hand against her cheek as she takes a deep breath and falls asleep once more. 

     I sigh and stand. I let my head hang as I shuffle out of the room, needing fresh air. She will get better. She will get better. SHE WILL GET BETTER.

      She has to be. Y/n can't leave like this. She can't leave Phil. She can't leave Sushi. She can't leave me. Not yet, anyway. Am I going crazy? Is this me or the voices? I can't tell at this point. I sink down into the floor against the wall outside of my room, letting Y/n have privacy. I'm lost without her. How did it get like this?

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oh?? I did another chapter??

Idk what's happening btw, don't ask me for context- 

literally just vibing- 

Thank you for the support on the last chapter, I appreciate it! :D

Also this chapter is finally longer! not by much, but longer teehee :)

1018 words