Right after she heard the nightmare song, she remembered talking to someone who gave her a choice between life and death. He warned that she would have a long road if she came back. The next thing she remembers is that she needs to search for her bo...
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Be the style that delivers the most outrageous euphoria: be my breath, my tenderness, my fall into ecstatic nothingness. Let's lose ourselves in this party, in the rhythms, and in the madness of our intertwined dreams till our hearts cry for the luxury of rest.
There is really loud thumping music together with a poem, nahihilo ako sa amoy ng paligid. This is not a normal party, there is smoke everywhere. Itim ang mga suot nila at hindi kita ang mga mukha.
Everything went fast, pagdilat ng mga mata ko ay nandito na ako and everyone is missing. Mag isa lamang ako sa gitna ng mga nakaitim na tao. Nakayuko sila tahimik ang pag galaw, natatakot akong ibuka ang aking bibig.
A lot of souls.
Awtomatikong tinakpan ko ang mga mata ko nang biglang lumiwanag. Lahat sila ay nagusap usap. Puro bulungan. Hindi ko maintindihan ang kanilang sinasabi. Nakakalito ngunit mas nakagalaw ako ng maayos para hanapin ang mga kasama ko.
Isang pamilyar na bulto ang papalapit sa akin, ang nga mata niya na tila nakatingin sa isang estranghero. Parang hindi niya na ako nakikilala, wala nang bakas ng tuwa. Hindi na kagaya ng dati. My eyes bacame blurry.
"Ayesha?"
Agad akong napaatras nang maglabas siya ng kutsilyo, hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. Ang kaibigan na kasama ko lagi ang siyang papatay sa akin ng paulit ulit?
"I've told you several times not to get too close to me."
"You... you should have walked away when you got the chance. Why did you stay, Haven?" Hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi niya, walang emosyon ang mata niya ngunit patuloy ang pagtulo ng mga luha mula rito.
"Ayesha... I always trust you." I said in the middle of numbness. I always trust her and if that is my mistake. It's okay. I will always be her friend. Kahit paulit ulit niya kong pahirapan.
"How long, haven?" Her voice. Her angelic voice. I missed her so much.
"Since the beginning." I said, smiling. Isa iyon sa pinagmamalaki ko na nagtiwala ako sa kanya. She deserves the world. She is too pure. I know she always has a reason.
"Then I wish you never trusted me." She said while running towards me. Holding the knife tighty. I stay still.
I did not move. I open my arms attempting to hug her. Patuloy ang pagbuhos ng luha niya kasabay ng kanyang paghinto.
Sumigaw siya ng sumigaw, hindi niya kaya. I knew it.
"I'm sorry..." She said. "I love you, you're my friend. Haven..."
"It's okay, Ayesha. I understand."
Bata pa lamang ako, nahihirapan na akong magtiwala sa tao. I am always inside my little world... hindi ko binubuksan ang pinto, ayokong magpapasok sa aking munting mundo. I am comfortable with it, not until she came. She makes sure that I won't be alone anymore. She makes sure that I always have a smile on my face.
The truth is I did not understand, I was hurt and I am still hurting. She always stays by my side. She's always there for me. She wiped my tears but now she's the reason for it. She said that she loves me.
But you don't do this to someone you love...
I hold the knife while looking at her, dumudugo na ang mga kamay ko sa pagpigil ko sa kanya. She keeps on pushing it... "Why?" Bulong ko.
Kahit bumubuhos ang luha ay wala akong nakikitang awa rito. Gasping for breath. I attempted to calm myself. Pilit kong nilalayo ang kutsilyo sa katawan ko habang paulit ulit niya itong nilalapit sa akin.
"You're not supposed to be here, Haven..." Umiling iling ako kasabay ng malakas na pagtulak sa kanya.
I'm sorry.
"I guess I always knew not to trust people. It just sucked that you were the only one I did. That's gone now too." Binaon ko ang kutsilyo sa kanyang balat. Nakita ko sa mata niya ang takot, pagsisi at lungkot pero kahit halo halong sakit at emosyon ang kanyang nararamdaman ay nagawa niya pa ring magsalita.
"How eager you were. How quickly you threw yourself in the devils arm... Tell me Haven, how is it to live without a s-soul?"
Dugo. Tumalsik ang mainit na likido sa aking mukha. Hindi ko tinigilan. Isang saksak. Dalawa. Tatlo. Apat. Hanggang sa wala na akong narinig sa kanya. I don't want to hear from her. I don't want to hear her angelic voice. I don't want to see the eyes that betrayed me.
She's the reason why I was raped.
She's the reason why I've experienced those nightnares everynight. Kahit anong ligo, kahit anong sabon nararamdaman ko ang hawak nila. Out of all people, I always trust and forgive her. Would she forgive me for killing her? Would she forgive me for the way I did before?
Survival...
I feel warm if I think back on old friendships. Love comes to mind when I consider their eyes. When I hear old phrases from the past, I feel protected and at ease. People often claim that our ability to let go of our past hurts depends on our decision. But because I will always leave the door open, feel the cold rainy wind, and hold out hope for change, the emptiness between us old friends will always feel painful.
When the people we trust reveal their genuine selves, we hope those colors are vibrant and lovely. Punishment. We often got punishment for talking in class. She was easy to talk to and there was never a quiet moment, but I think the main reason I was friends with Ayesha was that I believed that being her friend was better to being her enemy.
How others treat us determines how they will be saved, and vice versa. Because we had the privilege of knowing their hearts when the sun shone, we are moved to forgive them. We also mourn their shifting into the shadow of apathy of the soul. I just hope that they can find their way back to the truth, to unrestricted love free from the venom of sin.
"Haven?" I heard a familiar voice, coming over to give me a handshake. She does not care about the blood that is spilled in my hands.
"How's it going. Are you likin' the party?"
I nodded. "Very much so. I am delighted to have been invited to attend." Sambit ko habang pinupunasan ang dugong tumutulo sa kamay ko. Binitawan ko ang kutsilyo at hindi ko tinapunan ng tingin ang gutay gutay na katawan ni Ayesha.
Limbo slapped me on the back. "Stop! Stop! Stop! with such nonsense." She chuckled. "You talk properly. Ew! Ew! Ew! Loosen up, don't be so stiff." She shoved a red wine in front of my face. "Here, drinky drunk it. You need it more than anyone in this room."
I smiled and reluctantly took the bottle and started to drink. "I don't plan on staying long, Haven. La~ la~ la I just wanted to make sure that they were playing my music."
"Just spill the truth, you are here for a reason, right?"
"Did my presence bother you that much? I just told you, I'm just here to play my music." She smiled.
The music played, as she slowly walked away. The beat, the rhyme, was too familiar. After the long intro, the poem started to blend with the music.
Quest 06: Violence
The brightest flames burn the shortest. The blood of the people you killed, was twisted. Twist, twist, twist Those who have dirty hands do not have a chance to exist.
She welcomed you. Convinced, convince, convince She does not forget what kind of murderer you grew. You commit death in the abyss You better tame justice.
I knew it... I quickly ran. Kailangan ko sila pigilan. This is a trap.
