What We Used To

Chapter 1

A i a h

"Good morning, love!" Mikha sounded enthusiastic as if nothing happened last night. I don't really know if she's just pretending but she really looks happy.

I don't know anymore. Dati naman isang tingin ko lang sa kaniya, sure na ako sa kung anong totoo niyang nararamdaman but now, I can't even have a guess of what's real and not. Funny, I thought I've truly known her for the years we've been together but now I'm feeling lost about the truth in her eyes.

I feel like I've known her but still I'm not. Always in between.

I never wanted to be unfair to her so I smiled, "Love!"

Lumapit siya sa akin at binigyan ako ng yakap, like the usual. Kumalas siya sa pagkakayakap matapos ang ilang segundo saka hinawakan ang kamay ko.

"Tara na?" Aya niya sa'kin. I do not have an idea to where we are going right now. Pagkatapos ng pag-uusap namin kagabi, she told me that we're going somewhere today.

Maybe this is the start of the "starting over again" thing. I agreed to it thinking it would make the drying flowers bloom inside me again.

Hindi ko kasi matukoy ang nararamdaman ko. Malay mo naman talaga ay naguguluhan lang ako. Halu-halo kasi ang mga iniisip ko ngayon. My sidelines as a model, my preparation for my upcoming pageant, my tasks at school, and some family matters.

Naha-handle ko naman iyon, with of course the help of Mikha. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ngayon. I'm anxious about a lot of things and what's worse is that I don't even know what specifically those things are.

"Love, anong iniisip mo?" Mikha asked. She's driving and I'm sitting beside her. Hindi ko namalayang nakatulala na pala ako.

"No—" Hindi ko natapos ang sinasabi ko dahil hinawakan niya ang kamay ko gamit ang kanang kamay niya habang ang kaliwa ay nasa manibela.

"Aiah, you can't lie to me. I've known you for like half of our lives so no, you can't." She said. Totoo naman. We've been friend since we were 10, nag-transfer kasi ako ng school noong grade 5 at siya ang naging unang kaibigan ko doon.

"Okay, okay." I surrendered, debater kasi si Mikha at mahihirapan kang makipag-argue sa kaniya. "I'm just worried about this."

"Don't be worried, oki? We've already talked about it, right? Walang mawawala, trust me." She assured me. That's one of the traits that I love about her. She always gives me assurance, especially on those times that I'm doubting everything about life.

So there, I just let everything fall into place and tried to not think about it as if it's just a normal thing to do. Bahala na. I'm just hoping that this will work.

Mikha is telling me stories while she's driving. Nagre-respond ako sa kaniya ng reactions and opinion sa mga sinasabi ko. Usually, ako ang madaldal sa'ming dalawa pero ngayon, si Mikha itong maraming kwento. Halatang gustung-gusto niyang mag-work pa ito. I pity her for this, but I tried to shrug off the thought.

"Nasaan tayo?" Tanong ko nang huminto siya. Tiningnan ko ang paligid at halos magtatalon ako sa tuwa nang makita kung nasaan kami.

"Wow, this place looks really different from before," I commented as the car approached the gate.

"Kaya nga eh," tumango siya. "Parang dati lang."

Kumaway siya sa guard na nagbabantay sa may gate. Iba na ito at hindi familiar. Well, how many years have past since we last went here? 6 or 7 or 8?

Yes, this is where we've met. The Elementary School where I transferred and I first met her. Time flew so fast, who would've thought that we would become lovers.