What We Used To

Chapter 2

M i k h a

When someone has been a part of you, you would not realize how big a piece of you will be lost if ever things get complicated. Maybe that is why Aiah and I are still holding on despite the fact that everything's changing between us.

We have been so distant to each other these past few days. When I reach out, she's out of reach. When she tries to catch up, I'm already a step away. The last time we saw each other was when we went to our old elementary school. The last word we said to each other was tomorrow but that tomorrow become days I could not count anymore.

Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa'ming dalawa, parang kahit ako ay nawawalan na rin ng gana. Walang nagtatangkang bumawi, walang nangtatangkang lumapit. Where did we go wrong?

Siguro kung nandoon kami sa dati, maiintindihan namin ang ilang araw na hindi pagkikita at pagpaparamdam. We always understand, pero kailangan pa rin ba ng pag-intindi ngayon gayong pareho naming alam na may mali?

These past few days, iniisip ko nang bumitaw. Pero sayang. Sayang 'yong 5 years, 'yong mga pangarap, 'yong memories. Nakakapagod din pala kasi kapag wala nang kasiguraduhan. Kung ako lang, gusto kong magpatuloy but her being unsure of me makes me uncertain about us too.

"Miks," Gwen's voice made me go back to my sanity. "You're in deep thinking, what's wrong?"

"Alam mo, ilang araw ka nang ganiyan. Nag-away ba kayo ni Aiah?" Tanong din ni Sheena. We were actually having lunch in the school's cafeteria. Nagkataong nagkasabay-sabay kami ng lunch break.

"Hindi sila nag-aaway, remember?" Stacey said which is somehow correct.

For the past 5 years, hindi kami nagkaroon ng sobrang laking away. Again, we always try to understand. Lahat ng bagay, gaano man kaliit ay pinag-uusapan naming dalawa. Inaayos kaagad namin bago pa lumala ang lamat and that's what made our relationship stronger, I guess?

"Ay, sorry ha? Nakakahiya sa'min na may toxic relationship," sabi ni Sheena.

"Bawasan mo kasi selos mo, 'day." Pang-aasar ni Stacey kay Sheena.

"Hey, si Mikha ang topic kaya huwag niyong ibahin." Saway ni Gwen sa dalawa.

Bumuntong hininga ako bago magsalita, "Ilang araw na kasi kaming hindi nag-uusap ni Aiah."

"Oh, that happened quite a few times pero never ka namang na-down ng ganiyan." Stacey commented.

"We had a talk last week," panimula ko. "She thought she's falling out of love pero hindi raw siya sure eh. Hindi naman niya gustong makipaghiwalay daw. We both agreed to both fix this kasi baka naguguluhan lang rin siya. We went to our elementary school a few days ago and tingin ko naman nag-enjoy kami pareho pero 'yon nga, after that ay hindi kami nag-usap up until now."

Kita ko ang bakas ng pagtataka sa mukha ng mga kaibigan ko. Well, they've seen how Aiah and I grew in this relationship and they witnessed every details of our love. Hindi ko sila masisisi kung maging sila ay naguguluhan ngayon sa sitwasyon namin.

"You didn't try to reach out to her these past few days?" Gwen asked.

"I did, pero she's busy everytime. Isang beses lang ata siyang nag-reply at hello lang ini-reply niya. After that, delivered na lang ang message ko," pagkukwento ko. "She messaged me last night and I was so busy with school projects and siyempre medyo nagtatampo kaya hindi ko siya ni-reply-an."

Napailing na lang ang tatlo sa kwento ko.

"Kung kailang matagal na kayo, saka pa kayo nagkakaganiyan." Sheena is a bit pissed. Gusto ko siyang tawanan kasi pati siya nai-stress sa'min.