What We Used To

Chapter 6

M i k h a

"How's your day?" Gwen asked me habang naglalakad kaming apat palabas nina Stacey at Sheena ng university.

Napakunoot ako ng noo, nagtataka kung bakit niya 'yon tinanong, "Why are you even asking? Magkakasama tayo ever since kanina."

"Hindi ka kino-contact ni Aiah?" Sheena stated, as if she knows what's really happening. Nataasan ko tuloy siya ng kilay dahil doon, a gesture to ask her how come she concluded that.

"Kanina ka pa walang gana eh, you skipped lunch kaya. Kanina ka pa rin type nang type sa phone mo and you seem so upset. I bet nag-aaway kayo pero nasilip ko kanina phone mo, she's not replying to your messages."

I stopped walking and sighed upon hearing her words because it's true. Aiah doesn't seem to remember that she has a girlfriend. Ni good morning message ay wala. Ni isang tuldok man lang sana, para malaman ko kung okay lang ba siya. But no, ni anino niya ay hindi niya ipinaramdam sa'kin.

"Bakit hindi mo pinuntahan sa classroom nila? You usually does that, ah?" Dagdag naman ni Stacey.

Umiling ako, "baka busy lang."

I actually did. I went to her classroom earlier to check up on her since nag-aalala nga ako at baka may sakit siya or what. She seems fine, though. Mukha siyang busy na makipag-usap sa isang niyang blockmate na lalaki kaya hindi ko na siya nilapitan.

Am I jealous? Yes. Am I overthinking things? Yes. Valid naman sigurong maramdaman 'to, my girl has not been contacting me since morning only to see her talking with some other guy. They seem to be having fun with the conversation.

Things hit me hard. The past few weeks flashed back in my mind. Naalala kong confuse nga pala si Aiah sa nararamdaman niya para sa'kin. What if she just suddenly realised that she doesn't love me anymore? What if she was just scared to tell me and she doesn't want to hurt me?

Umiling-iling ako. Okay naman kami kahapon. Magka-call pa kami magdamag habang gumagawa ng mga school works. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla na lang hindi nagparamdam si Aiah. Hindi ko na bilang 'yong nga messages ko mula kanina pa na hindi niya ni-reply-an.

Hindi ko na bigla maintindihan. Hindi ko naman siya pipilitin if ever hindi na talaga ako. I just want her to communicate the truth with me. I sighed for the second time. My thoughts were making me sad.

"Pwede mo 'yang sabihin sa'min," Gwen told me before I even got drowned with my thoughts.

"Okay lang," sagot ko.

"Miks, sinong niloko mo?

Halatang halata sa mukha mo 'yong frustration mo about sa mga bagay." Sheena said.

"Medyo napa-paranoid lang ako," I started. "Wala namang ghosting phases si Aiah pagdating sa'kin. We're used to being open about anything to each other, palagi kaming nagko-communicate pero ngayon pakiramdam ko ang dami niya nang tinatago sa akin."

"Ask her when you see her, don't think too much. For sure Aiah will tell you about this kapag nagkausap kayo. For now, gusto niyo bang mag-coffe–?" Stacey said.

Hindi natapos ni Stacey 'yong sasabihin niya dahil nakita namin si Aiah na dumaan. She's walking through the opposite of us kaya hindi niya siguro kami nakita. That would be just fine kung wala siyang kasamang lalaki. They were both laughing, heading to the parking lot kung saan rin kami papunta.

Nagkatinginan kaming apat saka mas binilisan ang lakad para medyo malapitan namin siya. Halu-halo nang tanong ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Is she cheating on me?