Dear Sim Jaeyun ⚊ Letter Series #3 ✔

letter ten

To my one and only one Y/N,

Words can't explain how terrified I've been to write this, but I feel like it can't hurt, can it?

Well, we'll see.

I just want you to know how I completely feel. The last thing I want is to come across your mind that I'm never real to those eight letters I say.

I guess I've decided to write this because lately, I miss you so much it hurts. I miss looking forward to talking to you and seeing you in those tutoring sessions.

I miss when we would just talk on the library for hours, almost forgetting while we were there in the first place. When you'd not say a word and tell me you love listening to the sound of my voice.

I miss when I would go to look at you, but you were already looking at me first. Some days I miss you so much I go through all the letters you wrote me and have it delivered to me here in Seoul, and it makes me smile, but then I wake up in the morning realizing I will not see you anymore, and I get sad again.

To hear I was your world, always made me feel special. You never forget to tell me how much I mean to you with only those talking eyes of yours.

I've tried to convince myself I shouldn't think of you anymore. But I just can't let go. I don't want to see you moving on, but I'm not doing much about it either.

I could tell you how much I've missed you for days and weeks since we got here , but I feel like it won't make a difference when I already devoted my life to being an Idol and they were demanding us to not ever have a girlfriend.

But this is what I want to tell you in this letter, you are my angel in human flesh.

You are too much for me, yet I can’t get enough in those days I get to be with you. I simply cannot put into words how I feel about you when I see you, or hear you saying you love me as well.

My heart breaks just to be around you if only you knew and I take in the way you move, the way you talk, whenever you are around although it may only be for  brief moment, it's enough to make my day.

These intense feelings will never go away.

Every day and night I thank god that you came into my life and I try to tell you how I feel, because what I feel for you exists inside my heart.

I often think of that wonderful day when you suggested to be my tutor - the first time you never avoided me eyes - the first time we spoke to each other - the first time we touched.

And the first time you smiled at me in those quiet hours. The first kiss that I gave you in the corner of the library, our personal space, our personal world is there. It seems just like yesterday to me because I have always kept such precious memories constantly alive in the pages of my mind.

If you decide to open up your heart to me again, I swear to never break it and never leave your side again.

Every second we've been apart, every word, action and thought that has ever been spoken or passed, has travelled through the depths of my mind.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, look it's not a need or neccesity to have you back, but it's a choice instead to want to be with you again.

The purpose of this letter is to let you know that I'm not asking for you to take me back right now, because we both know that cirmcumstances would not let us be together.

All I'm trying to say and gain from this letter is for a little sign of hope that one day this storm will calm down and it will be sunny again between you and me again. 

Because the way I feel about you is a really rare type of love.

But there's a problem, where are you now? Why have all our classmates never saw you again in class this year?

Wherever you are, please come back.

Sincerely yours,
Sim Jaeyun.