Dear Sim Jaeyun ⚊ Letter Series #3 ✔

note one

Dear Diary,

At the first time I remember I became aware that I was truly alive as a kid, I maybe no more than three or four.

We lived next to a basketball court, so you can probably imagine where I would spend my afternoons if my mom is busy with something else inside the house.

And often will I find myself watching the older boys playing basketball, dribbling and jumping just to shoot at the ring.

But for a little girl like me, what made it fascinating is the ball being passed around and since then, I will often stay there in the side watching like I was pulled into some kind of trance.

Years later, I'll almost forgot about it like every kid growing up some things until we came to the lesson of the Solar System in sixth grade.

That's when I learned the concept of the universe.

Universe where we all live in and it's much bigger than Earth itself and all the planets combined. It expands in sizes, like even the experts from NASA that it could even reach eternity.

Like it was everlasting and forever.

It was kind of scary if you think about it, but as I first saw the beautiful boy who transferred from another school, that's when I knew I wanted it.

I wanted my own universe.

They overused it in the theme of love which is kind of ironic since people could go and die the next day while universe is just there, maybe would still expand by the time all of us were gone.

I wanted my own universe in the topics of love.

Someone who will hold me in my last days, someone who will show me you can see the sparks in their eyes whenever they look at you.

Or will show me when would an asteroid would come and go to destroy them whole. And yet will still remained strong in spite of the ruins.

And like the explosion they called Big Bang Theory, it would form into something more beautiful of a creation such as him.

Sim Jaeyun.

Would I have the chance to be his moon? Would he be my sun to light me up?

I don't know. I don't want to try.

I'm dying.

I'm scared of death, so I never thought of it much until I was diagnosed with a leukemia that was slowly killing me, one organ at a time.

Death might have been scary, but right now, what's more scarier is to be pulled out of school to live my last few months in bed without seeing him, so I begged my parents to let me be a normal teenager while I still can.

I wanted to see more and learn more.

No one knew about my state except for my adviser in school and she told me to live my best life, so I can leave this infinite universe without a regret.

But with whom I would spend my last moment with? I don't want it to be only for my friends and family.

For the first time, I want to be selfish and I have my target already.

Sim Jaeyun, one of the most popular boys in school.

Why did I pick him?

It's obvious. I have a crush on him and maybe because he looks like an angel, sounds like an angel and acts like an angel. He'll be the angel I would want to see in my last days.

I want to feel in love and be loved with someone who didn't know I was going to die soon. If I let him know, all I will see is pity and that's the last thing I wanted.

But while I'm here, I asked my adviser to let me be close to him by being his tutor before my predicted death arrives.

I hope that Sim Jaeyun can be my universe. I hope that he can see me finally and he'll be mine.

And I hope that when I die, he'll look up the sky whenever he is sad and knew that the moon will always be there to comfort him.

I hope he'll imagine the moon is me.

Sincerely,
Y/N L/N