Pogue on Pogue- JJ Maybank

Chapter 49

A/N: please don't forget to vote and comment if you like this chapter. It really does make my day, thank you so much for reading.

( Makena's POV)

As we ride to the Chateau, I feel numb. Consumed by the fear that I'm turning into my father because of what I did to Rafe. He definitely deserved an ass whooping, but when I kicked him while he was down, and when I cut him, I scared myself, because I liked it. I loved the feeling of power and control I got as I hurt him, as I sliced through his flesh, and that terrifies me. I try to focus on the cool, ocean breeze that washes over me as I hold onto JJ, but my mind keeps going back to my father. I shake my head, maybe if I shake hard enough, I'll forget all about him, but it doesn't work. I rest my head on JJ's back, just trying to focus on my breathing, trying to ignore the feeling of the blood drying on my hands, trying to ignore how it's caked onto me, making my fingers stick together.

( JJ's POV)

As we walk into the Chateau, MJ goes straight into the bathroom. I put my key on the table before looking in on her. She scrubs her hands frantically, trying to get the blood off, seeing her like this breaks my heart. I can feel how upset she is, so I step in.

" Hey, relax, deep breath, give me your hands." I say, calmly, but sternly, hoping she'll listen to me.

She turns to look at me and I can see the sadness and fear in her eyes as they start to tear up. I quickly turn on the warm water before gently guiding her hands to the sink. I put them under the water and grab the hand soap, putting one pump onto her hands before gently massaging them.

" Hey, deep breaths, do it with me." I say, hearing her breathing pick up again. I take a deep breath while looking into her eyes, making sure she's doing them with me. " You're doing a great job, keep breathing with me." I say calmly.

Once I have washed all the blood off our hands, I grab a towel and dry her hands off before drying my own.

" C'mon, let's go change." I say gently, leading her into the bedroom with me.

( Mj's POV)

As JJ leads me into our room, I can feel myself going into autopilot, taking my clothes off. It's almost like I'm not in my own body, not fully in control of myself, like it's just doing what needs to be done while I take the backseat in my own mind.

Once I'm completely naked, I turn around to face JJ. I can feel his eyes wander over me, but they aren't as lustful as they usually are, they're filled with sadness, and compassion.

" Look." I say, pointing to the many scars that litter my shoulders.

     " You don't have to do this right now." JJ says, stepping towards me, just enough so that if I change my mind he can quickly back up.

" I know, but you already know, may as well show you." I say, before motioning to my hips.

     " Here too." I say bluntly, pointing to the many scars that adorn the thin skin of my hips.

" Makena..." JJ says quietly, looking closely at me, his voice sad. He looks at me in my eyes, before looking back at my shoulders and hips. He reaches out slowly to touch them, but quickly retracts his hand. " I'm sorry." He mutters, putting his hand by his side.

     " It's okay. You can touch them if you want." I say, grabbing his hand lightly and putting it on my scars. I feel him stare at my wrist, and more so, the cuts on my wrist.

" There too?" He asks, well more like states, grabbing my wrist.

     " Yeah, there too." I confirm, flipping my arm palm up so he can see them.