All in the Family

Chapter 179: Godric's Hollow

Sirius made such a high pitched squeal of surprise for the snow that was thrown down the back of his shirt as he landed in the worst way possibly it made the others all laugh as they got their feet in the harsh slush, the noise quickly dying at the sight before them.

The statue was black marble, the base shiny gold from people rubbing at the Potter's feet for luck. James choked and stumbled away from it in shock, his many years of jokes about statues in his honor now being thrown in his face. Lily looked as frozen as the ice around her while Alice cursed her own noise for how symbolically different this felt to the roots of her soul while peeling herself off of this and the one she'd landed on in the bowels of the new Ministry.

James and Sirius did no such thing as apologize. They thumped each other on the chest and Sirius made some dumb ass remark and James laughed and that was that.

Peter snatched up the book at once and kept reading in a breathless voice, to keep avoiding Sirius, to stop watching Prongs. Remus was right where he'd landed at the base, holding his nose with that same horrible look on his face like he was tempted to push his face into the snow and never take it out.

"Go talk to him," James whispered, prodding Padfoot in the side.

"I, I still don't," he hesitated only a moment more before sighing and agreeing, walking overly slowly in case Moony wanted him to piss off, but he didn't. He leaned into Sirius the moment he sat down beside him, but he still looked so miserable.

"Remus, hear my words," he pleasantly mocked back with all his usual holiday cheer. He was fighting back the urge to stuff snow in his boyfriend's pants. "There's nothing wrong with you! Moony's just like every other damn animal on this planet! I know what I'm doing, you're going to be okay, you used to believe that!"

It really was like talking to a statue sometimes. "It's not that simple, you have no clue what you're saying! You wouldn't understand."

"I'm trying!" Sirius threw his arms out, he was nearly crying in exasperation he could never seem to say the right thing to him.

"I know," Remus promised, though he had no clue why at this point. He opened his eyes and looked at him, too exhausted to cry or do anything. He sounded so defeated. "I, I just, I don't even know how to explain it yet, I'm still," he grasped at no words to make tangible meaning. Sirius clearly thought him nuts and would try to disprove any of his fears before he could even say them, the brave git.

Sirius watched him for a long time before he seemed to accept, "okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, okay. I'll stop bringing it up, for now. I'm here when you want to talk." He had no idea why he'd pushed last time and he'd admitted his crush after ages and what the limit on this was, but he at least recognized he was making it worse by constantly bringing it up. If Moony needed to get it together in his head first, then so be it, he could be patient. Remus had always trusted him with his secrets, and if all it took now and again was to remind him he could keep doing that, he was more than happy for it.

"Thanks," Remus said, closing his eyes again, but smiling just enough Sirius finally knew he'd said something right.

There was probably something deeply wrong with him for why he didn't hate Remus, but in fact the opposite, he was in love with him for being able to protect him from himself no matter the harm he took along the way. He'd finally found someone, his perfect other who needed exactly what he had to give, if only Moony would accept it without those caveats. He didn't want anyone else anymore, the idea of just casually going back to sleeping with others had no appeal to him, not so long as he'd have Remus to himself. He'd never had that feeling before with anyone.

"I'm sorry," James said when Sirius came back over looking as irate as ever. "Am I really making it worse?"

Sirius rubbed miserably at his forehead, a gesture he'd seen Mr. Potter do a few times over the summer when he was writing out a complicated letter to an underling at work. He froze suddenly as he recalled why, what Mrs. Potter had said to him while reading over his shoulder. "What's the word your mum used? Not smothering, but like, not talking down at," he was snapping his fingers impatiently now.

"Pandering?" He replied in surprise.

"Yes, that," he said in triumph. "Can't cuddle him through this one Prongs."

"I," James hesitated as he considered but still tried, "didn't mean it like that. He feels like shit Padfoot, I was trying to help."

"I know mate," Sirius said honestly, "but it's like you said, you've never given a damn about my sex life before, and I need you to keep at that, just this one thing! I, like, it. I need him to not feel like a freak of nature because he gets rough with me."

James only frowned a bit more, but he nodded and said, "yeah, alright. Not my business, I get it."

"I didn't say that," Sirius huffed. "Merlin, I'd like your help! I don't know how to- I gave him some space and I hope he does come talk to me, but," he waved empirically at his boyfriend who was still at the base of the statue, plugging up his nose with that same loathsome expression, self-loathing.

"Wish I could, honestly," James sighed, "but I trust you Padfoot, you've always been best with him. He'll come to you when he figures it out for himself what he wants. Obviously you're a part of that."

"Yeah, I guess," he sighed, still fighting back the urge to go over there and kick him and maybe kiss him to get this problem out, but that wasn't Moony's style. Remus needed to process. Patience.

Lily crept over when Sirius rapped his knuckles against the barrier and made some sarcastic remark, the two clearly switching to a lighter chatter and finished her advance with determination. Both stopped and watched her in surprise as she said right to Sirius what had happened to her in the Ministry.

He froze with such a remarkably shocked expression it made the other two snicker and hope that would get stuck in place as Lily turned to James next and offered him something nice to look at. The smile that lit up his face was brighter than any Yuletide Tree in this town as he watched the baby zooming around. He looked back up to see her hugging herself, smiling at his smile. It wasn't just an image in some Mirror anymore, she finally just looked happy to be around him, baby or not in that cradle.

They didn't touch at all during the chapter as Harry visited their graves or even look into the distance themselves at the graveyard they mercifully were not dumped into, just stayed close to each other and shivered in the slight wind that gusted around them for what this future was and could have been.