No Curtain Call

Chapter 12

"Anya," Colton approached me on Friday morning as we neared Tennessee, only 2 hours away. "She won't come." He plopped down next to me on the couch, looking like the model for a depression commercial. Our moods matched today. I placed a pillow on my abdomen and clutched my stomach through the pillow, knowing that I was getting my period. The cramps this month were worse than usual, though, and I wondered if it was because of all of the sex Acton and I had been having.

"She might," I told him, "And if she doesn't, then this gives you the chance to move on."

"I don't know what I'll do if she does. Anya," he lowered his voice, "I've imagined what I would do when I saw her again. The dreams I've had of her finally coming to a concert, the different versions of that dream. Now that we're almost in Tennessee, I have no idea what I'll do. Hug her, glare at her, or-oh my God. Anya, what if she has a ring on her finger?" Colton started breathing heavily and panting, and I realized he was having a panic attack.

"Colton, if she has a ring on her finger, she wouldn't come here tonight."

"Oh my God. What if she doesn't come because she's engaged? What if she's engaged?!?" my words obviously weren't helping him deal with his emotions, and I debated calling Vance over to clean up the mess I'd made.

I decided against it, considering how much Vance puts into the band to make it run smoothly, and knowing that it wasn't in his job description to take care of emotional problems within the band. "Colton, what do you want for her?" I asked him, knowing what his answer would be. "What is the thing that you want most to come out of all of this, in her world?"

"I want her to be happy," Colton answered, looking up at me though his shaggy hair fell in his eyes.

"And if she's engaged, don't you think that she's happy? So really, all that matters now, regardless of what happens tonight, is whether or not you're happy."

Colton nodded, adding on, "She's not coming tonight. I know she isn't." Despite his words, he offered me a small smile. "I'm going to move on. Tonight."

"Okay, whatever you need," I grinned at him, glad he was starting to feel a bit better about this, yet hoping our conversation would soon be over because I was getting a headache, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.

"When we get to Nashville, the first thing I'm going to do is bring a groupie backstage, okay?" he asked, even though it really wasn't my approval that he needed. I had no say in whether or not he had sex with a groupie on the bus or backstage, all that mattered was what he thought was best for him.

"Good," I found myself saying, thinking back to Sean, and how my friends had suggested I had a one night stand to get over him. And how my poor attempt turned into kissing Acton, and setting off the chain reaction until we got where we were now, dating and telling each other that we loved each other. If I were a fool, I might believe him, but I was no fool. I couldn't believe that he loved me, not while there were so many things in our lives that could drive us apart. I had no idea if our feelings for each other would hold up when things get tough. Knowing Acton, with his commitment issues, he probably would fight a bit, then move on to the next girl as soon as I left.

Colton left as these thoughts ran through my head, and that was how Acton found me, frowning and staring off into space. "Is something wrong?" he chuckled, seeing my expression.

I quickly snapped out of it, offering him a small smile. "No, I'm fine," I assured him, pulling him down on the couch next to me. His hands gripped my waist as he pulled me on top of him, despite the fact that the other guys were in the room with us. "Acton," I grinned, placing a kiss to his lips. He could tell me that he loved me every second of the day, but I would never be able to stop tensing up until he would be able to prove it. Yes, he took me out on a date, and whispers sweet nothings into my ear, but that doesn't mean that he loves me.