Devil on my Shoulder - MCU

7. Happier

(Y/n's POV)

It was the day of homecoming and I looked more like Bruce Banner's daughter than Tony Stark's. I was really anxious about showing up to homecoming in my brand new dress and the only thing anyone would see being my horrifying green veins.
Though Loki didn't seem to be all torn up about it. He acts like the poison in my blood is like him marking his territory.
Because of his paranoia, dad is coming back from rebuilding the compound tonight to check up on me when I come back from homecoming. I was terrified of what he'd think when he'd inevitably see me with all those veins. All I could plan to do was just wear long sleeved clothes and try and act as normal as possible when he'd arrive.

I wished I could just stop my miserable cycle but it seemed impossible. I didn't know how to stop it and I didn't have the energy, nor the heart, to try. Every day, I felt like I'd reached my lowest point but I always seemed to keep surpassing myself. Though I'm certain the point when I hit rock bottom was when I found out Peter asked MJ as his date to homecoming. I felt like a useless sack of mush and then I felt even worse about myself because I was Electroid! I was supposed to have a fulfilling life of hero-ing and I shouldn't have let some boy make me this miserable! At times like these, I wished I didn't have feelings.

I basically just coasted through the school day. I didn't even feel conscious, just there. I don't want to feel this way anymore. Loki was being quite distant so I decided to talk to him.

Hey, are you alright?

I'm fine.

I know you're not. We can tell each other anything, right? We're stuck together.

Fine... I suppose I'm just a bit sad that... you're in love with Peter.

Well, I wouldn't call it that-

But I would. I know how you feel when you're around him. It's more than anything you felt with me.

... That doesn't mean I don't love you anymore.

I know. But... I just wish I didn't keep hurting you because of him.

Y-... You're not hurting me.

I am. I'm the demon bound to your soul, the one making you feel so awful and it's all because I'm stuck to you.

You're not. You're stuck with me. Remember, I was the one who chose to save you.

That's because you're a good person! You're a hero! I was born to be a villain but I couldn't even do that right! I'm just... a failure.

... Well, so am I.

What?

I was meant to help save everyone and I couldn't even do that. I just watched helplessly as half of all life on earth turned to dust... That's the failure of a hero. We're both failures, Loki...
I don't care about you any less because of what you did. I care about you because of who you are.
And if you think that Peter is coming between us... then screw him. Screw all of them. I love you and you alone.

I knelt down and held his hand in mine.

Loki, let's get married or something.

Y/n, what are you doing. We can't get married. You're still going to high school and I'm a hundred year old dead god living inside you.

You're right. Why get married? We're already soul-bonded. But I promise, from now onward, I'll never love anyone else the way I love you.

He stayed silent for a few moments before a smile grew on his face and he held me in his arms.

A while later, I got dressed for homecoming and cringed at my exposed veins before going downstairs where Happy was waiting for me.

When I got in, he took a second look at me before saying, "Are-Are you.. alright, kid?"

"Never better, Happy", I told him dreamily.

As Happy drove us to the school, while in my dream-like state, I was thinking about everything that had happened as of late. It had all been such a rollercoaster but now, I finally felt like I was going to be okay. After tonight, I'll get rid of this disease and everything will be back to normal. I'll be back with the gang, I won't have to worry about possibly dying and we'll be fine. It will be okay.

When we arrived and I stepped out of the limo, shortly followed by Loki, all eyes were on me. I could feel them staring and I felt ashamed, like everyone knew what I'd done. But I kept my head high and I didn't shrink away. I couldn't. When I got to the gym, everything looked so beautiful... including MJ. The moment I stepped in, I felt even more eyes land on me but the only stares that mattered were their's. They looked me up and down and, though they tried to be polite and smiled weakly at me, I could tell how scared and disgusted they were. It made me feel awful.

Are you alright?

I turned to Loki and saw he was clad in his formal Asgardian attire, helmet and all. I smiled when I saw how wonderful he looked.

It doesn't matter.

For most of the night, I just lurked around the corner, holding Loki's hand and trying not to draw attention to myself but also not being able to keep my eyes off Peter. I know I pledged by soul to Loki but it's so much harder when they're right in front of your face.

Soon, the time came for when it was my turn to sing a song. Everyone on the Homecoming committee had the option to sing one song and I was one of the people to signed up. Like an idiot. I sighed before going up onstage to the mic and looking down on all the eyes that were fixed on me. I couldn't get over how mildly horrified Peter and MJ looked. It made me want to just curl up into a ball and die. But I had to go on. The music started and I waited until my cue.

I lost you a month ago
Your friends are mine, you know, I know
You've moved on, found someone new
To the girl who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was attached
For all the sunlight of our past
But she's so sweet, she's so pretty
Does she mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me
I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go
So find someone great but don't find no one better
I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen?
And eternal 'I love you's I hope you'll always mean
Remember when I believed
You meant it when you said it first to me?

And now I'm picking her apart
Like cutting her down make you miss my wretched heart
But she's beautiful, she looks kind, she probably gives you butterflies

Confetti started falling slowly from the ceiling and I started waltzing with Loki but my eyes still were fixed on Peter.

I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me
I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go
So find someone great but don't find no one better
I hope you're happy, I wish you all the best, really
Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me
And think of me fondly when your hands are on her

I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

I saw Peter and MJ looking deep into each other's eyes as if they were about to kiss. The corner of my eyes started turning green. I then remember feeling faint and, forgetting where I was on the stage, I ended up falling off and into the crowd. Peter soon came running up to me, trying to see what was wrong.

Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

I know you're happy, and not like how you were with me
I'm selfish, I know, can't let you go
'Cause you've found someone great, yeah you've found someone better

I hope you're happy, I hope you're happier

The last thing I remember before passing out was Loki looking at me with guilt in his eyes, whispering, I'm so sorry.