Devil on my Shoulder - MCU

8. I Am Damaged

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was a speckled ceiling with florescent lights hanging from them. I could also hear a beeping coming from my right. My head was pounding. Just about all of my body was aching. I sat up and looked around and I soon realised I was in a hospital. I was concerned by Loki's absence and worried that something had happened to him after I passed out at the dance. I looked down at my arms and saw that my veins were much less green. Probably because my right arm was hooked up to a blood bag.

After a few minutes alone with my terrified thoughts of what could have happened after I blacked out last night, someone (I had to assume a doctor) in scrubs came in.

"Miss Stark?", she asked, "Um, your father is here to see you."

As she left, in walked dear old dad and he didn't look too jazzed to see me.

"So.. this is what that was about", he said. He sounded more than disappointed in me.

I lowered my head.

"How the hell did this even happen?", he asked.

I stayed silent and hung my head lower. I didn't know what to say to him.

He walked towards my bed and said, "Kid... I'm not mad. I just wanna figure out what happened."

I sighed and told him, "I'll tell you everything - everything I know - but if I do, you have to believe me."

After a few seconds of consideration, he said, "Alright. Tell me what happened."

I explained everything to him and, quite unexpectedly, he listened to all of it.

When I finished, he stepped back. The expression on his face was unreadable.

"So?", I asked.

"... If you told me all this 8 years ago, I would've thought you'd gone crazy. But, after everything we've been through... yeah, I can see that happening", he told me, reliving me of the fear of sounding completely deranged.

After a few seconds of silence between us, I told him, "I'm scared, dad. I don't know what's going to happen."

"Ah, mouse", he said as he went in to hug me, "I can't lie to you so I can't tell you I know everything's gonna be alright. But I can tell you that... I'm gonna do everything I can to make this the closest thing to alright."

I smiled at him and said, "Thanks, dad."

A smirk then grew on my face and I told him, "I guess we're even now?"

"'Even'?", he asked.

"Yeah. You owed me your life after I saved everyone's asses from Thanos and now you've saved mine", I explained.

He chuckled and gently patted my shoulder as he said, "You're a real Stark, y/n."

"I know", I said, putting my hand on his.

The doctor then returned to the door and said to Dad, "Um, M-Mr Stark?"

He looked back to me and said, "Just a minute, kid."

I watched him walk out the door. Even when he left, my eyes lingered to the doorway. I just didn't want to be alone again. Suddenly, the door slowly closed, revealing that Loki as the one who shut it and that he had been standing behind it the whole time. He looked tired, weak and pale and he had his right hand behind his back.

"L-Loki?", I asked, "What happened?"

"Darling, where do I begin?", he said, smirking, "Let's see. When you passed out at the dance, your knight in shining underoos rushed over to you and called you an ambulance like the good little boy he is. All night, he refused to leave your side until he was dragged away by his aunt after being assured you wouldn't die. Meanwhile, the doctors were trying to get rid of that toxic blood running through your veins, thus not doing me much good.... as you can see... I believe you know what happened from there."

As he spoke, he was moving towards me. Not walking, but limping, all the while, I could only watch, fearing for his life.

"What's happening to you? Are you alright?", I asked, concerned.

"Clearly, my pet, I never was", he told me as he sat down on the bed, "You see how your veins aren't practically glowing green with that toxic plasma anymore?", I nodded, "Turns out, that 'Jealoki', as you called it, was what was keeping me alive, although it was killing you."

"Are you going to be okay?", I asked him desperately, despite already knowing the answer.

He didn't answer, he just laughed, a bitter, sorrow-filled laugh.

"Y/n, you already know I'm not", he said, smiling sadly.

Just then, the doctor came back in and explained to me, "Ms Stark, we realised that we cannot simply keep you on that blood bag to filter out all the toxic plasma in your blood so, we must perform surgery on you. We've decided that the best procedure for us to perform would be a blood transfusion. We've got your father's consent. If you need a moment to prepare, we understand completely."

I was surprised, "Uh, Yes, thank you, I-... I do need a moment."

The doctor then left, leaving me and Loki alone again.

Hundreds of thousands of thoughts were running through my head of how I could prevent this, knowing what would happen to Loki if I had the procedure.

But, breaking my thoughts, Loki told me, "You should have it."

"What?", I asked in surprise.

"You should have the surgery. You need it", he told me, "And before you start saying stupid sweet stuff about how you're worried about me, who cares if it means you'll live?"

"I do!", I exclaimed.

He looked down and sighed, "Oh, y/n."

I am damaged
Far too damaged
But you're not beyond repair

Stick around here
Make things better
'Cause you beat me fair and square

That was when the doctors came in and started taking me away to the operating room.

Please turn back now
Little further
Don't know what the hell they'll do

I hope you'll miss me
Wish you'd kiss me
Then you'd know I worship you

I'll trade my life for yours
Oh my God...
And once I disappear
Wait, hold on!
Clean up the mess down here!
Please, not this way!

I tried stalling as much as I could so this wouldn't be goodbye for me and Loki but he held my hand as the doctors put on me a mask full of laughing gas.

Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God
Our love is God

He repeated it as I was passing out from breathing in the laughing gas.

Say hi to God

I shed a small tear, knowing that would be the last time I'd ever see him.

Timeskip

I woke up in the same room again, accompanied by the same deathly silence as before. It was darker outside. The sun was hidden behind the clouds.

Despite knowing what had happened, I still held out hope he could still be here and so I quietly called out, "Loki?"

Of course, I was met with silence. I started quietly sobbing. This was the loneliest I felt in years. I had become so used to Loki always being there for me, whether or not I wanted him. A part of me died that day.