Devil on my Shoulder - MCU

4. Antidote

(Y/n's POV)

A few weeks passed and MJ, Ned, Peter and I started hanging out as a group again. It made me feel so happy that even after everything that's happened, everything we went through, all the sacrifices that were made, we can still have our happily ever after. Unfortunately, every day after school, I'd come home to Loki, taunting me about how jealous I wasn't of MJ.

Come on. I know how much you like being with him. I know what you feel around him. I'm a part of you, y/n. You can't hide from yourself.

Yeah, y'know, I'm starting to think you really are imaginary. Loki would never speak like this... And he's not ... Because he was killed by Thanos on an Asgardian ship. I can't keep acting like you're really still here with me.

Even so, it feels nice to have someone to talk to. I know what loneliness is like, y/n. It can drive someone to madness, especially souls like us, souls already quite mad.

But it's not right! I can't keep convincing myself you're here with me when you're...

But admit it, it feels nice to imagine. So what if I might not be here? Who cares? All that matters is that it feels like I'm here. And you don't feel so alone.

... I... I guess it is nice.

As much as I hate proving Loki right, I was starting to catch feelings for Peter again. It was strange, spending nearly five years training myself not to think of him and then suddenly having him back and it almost feeling like nothing had changed. But something had changed. We both told each other that we loved each other: Me when Peter got dusted and him when he feared I was dying after the blip. I just felt happier than ever around him.

In our gang, we had each other's backs. We (mostly MJ) mocked and laughed at each other relentlessly but the minute someone like Flash or Liz started doing it, we'd waste no time in getting ready to kick their asses (though it rarely resulted in that).

Every night I'd spend with Loki was like an escape from reality. It was like I was drinking poison from a golden chalice, dangerous yet inviting.
And every day I'd spend with Peter was like a breather after being snapped back to reality. Like drinking the antidote for last night's poison.
I can't admit it was a good system but it worked for the time being which is why I didn't try and think about if anything were to change that. And that is why it felt like a bomb had gone off when it did change. It was one seemingly normal afternoon.

"I swear to god, I'll beat their asses into tomorrow if they keep staring at us like animals", MJ growled as she glared at the popular kids who were eying us down.

"Just relax, MJ. Remember, they don't deserve our eyes, let alone our anger", I told her.

"Ok, since no one else is going to say anything, why aren't we talking about last- I mean.. that time Peter took Liz to homecoming?", Ned asked.

"It's because MJ outlawed gossip in our group", I reminded him.

"Right but still, shouldn't we talk about it?", he repeated.

"We don't need to. We were all there", MJ sternly said.

"But... ugh, I'm just gonna say it. Liz kinda had a thing for Peter and I don't know why no one's talking about it", Ned blurted out.

MJ rolled her eyes and said, "Like I said, we don't need to because we were all there."

I could see where this was going and in a last ditch effort to relieve the tension, I nudged Peter and teased him, "Yeah, we all know how Peter's reliable with the ladies!", making him laugh a little and making MJ roll her eyes into the back of her head.

After a few moments of silence, Ned asked again, "I just don't get why you're so touchy about that, MJ."

"Y'know what? I'm gonna go. I've lost my appetite", MJ said before storming off.

We didn't even need to say anything. I just gave the other two a look before going after her. I knew she'd be in the bathroom. I gently went in and saw her battered converse hanging in a stall. I leaned against one of the other doors and just sat there.

After a while she exasperatedly said, "What are you doing."

"Not sure. Seemed nicer in here", I simply told her.

She groaned, "Ugh. If you're going to try and find out what's wrong with me, it's won't work."

"I'm not"

She paused before asking, "Then why are you here?"

"Not sure. You?", I asked.

She scoffed before replying, "I hate Ned. And all the stupid questions he asks."

"Why are his questions stupid?", I gently asked.

"Because it's none of his business. And it's not yours either", she snapped.

"Well, we're your friends, we're Peter's friends, and most of all, Liz's enemies", I told her.

She paused again, "You swear you won't tell anyone?"

"I swear."

"And you're checking no one else is in here?", she asked.

"Just us."

"Check."

I begrudgingly got up and went all around the bathroom, even to the door before going back and telling her, "No one else."

"Ok... I'm so touchy about it because... I kinda have a crush on Peter."

You what?!

"You... like Peter?", I repeated in disbelief.

"Ugh, it sounds so stupid but... ugh! I can't help it, okay?! My stupid brain likes his stupid brain and wants to kiss his stupid mouth! GAH!", MJ blurted out.

It felt like she just accidentally stabbed me through the heart. After that, I told MJ that it was ok she felt that way. She came back out to finish lunch and we all reconciled.

The rest of the day felt different after a bomb like that was dropped on me. Like I wasn't really there. Like I was playing a videogame that was my life.

When I got home that evening, Loki could feel something was up so I was greeted by something different to the usual cheeky taunting.

Y/n, are you okay?

Yeah, um, I just found out that... MJ has a crush on Peter.

... I see. Are you sure you're alright.

I... don't know. I don't know... But I will be.

I just lost my antidote. All I had was my poison.