And then she said it!

PART 9

NEVER SAY GOODBYE...?!
"Armaan." I heard mom's faint voice
and felt her ruffling my hair ever so
gently, just like the way I loved. That
somehow relaxed me. I tried to open
my eyes but they were too heavy to
do so. My head was also aching. May
be I could just sleep for some time?
I didn't have dinner last night. I
shut my door and stayed alone. I
didn't understand what bothered me
the most. Riddhima's past or the fact
mom chose her for me inspite of
knowing about her past. Deep down,
I was hurt with mom's decision.
"Get up Armaan." Mom whispered
again. I opened my eyes a bit. Oh
God! They were burning as I did so.
However from the small crevice
between my eye lids, I saw mom
sitting beside me on the bed. I
moved my head on to her lap and
shut my eyes again. I felt as if as I
had closed my eye just before mom
came to wake me. It might be true. I
had been thinking the whole night.
Of what, I had no idea of. My head
had been no less than garbage of
various thoughts, though everything
revolved around Riddhima sometime
or the other.
As that thought crossed my mind yet
again, I sat up on the bed. I rubbed
my eyes fiercely trying to open them.
The moment I opened my eyes, they
landed on the wall clock, which said
its 9.40 am. Adjusting my vision once
again, I looked at mom. I didn't
speak anything, but looked away
again.
"Angry with me?" Mom asked
hesitantly.
My head shot up at once. "No mom."
I said instantly. "It's just-" I tried to
say something that would make
sense of the confusion in my brain.
"I don't know." I ended.
"Are you going back today?" She
asked softly. But I know the actual
question behind that one. That
meant my decision regarding
Riddhima. But what do I say? I,
myself, am not sure of it.
It's true that I do feel attracted
towards Riddhima- both emotionally
and physically. But I wasn't able to
accept the fact that she was married.
And I had been thinking about a
married woman all these days. That
felt weird. I was angry at myself too.
I didn't want to know about the rest
of the details about her husband
and all. I mean I it was obvious that
I wouldn't want to marry a married
woman.
But even now when mom asked me
my decision thought not obviously, I
don't know somewhere there was a
very tiny part in me that was pulling
me back from saying a no. Last night,
it was the same case too. Every time
I made up my mind to go and talk to
mom and just end this matter for
once and all, I could see the
moments I had spent with Riddhima.
I was happy in her presence, with
her company. But then my mind
would shout the same. She was
married.
"Yes mom, I am going back." I told
her. But didn't look into her eyes,
the reason for which I couldn't
comprehend.
"Okay. I have invigilation duty today
for the morning session of exam.
Riddhima has got an exam in the
morning as well. We'll return by 3
pm as the exam will be over by 1
pm." Mom said. "We'll then sit and
talk to Riddhima. Okay?"
"I am leaving by afternoon flight
mom." I said immediately.
"Armaan?" Mom asked shocked.
"Yes mom. 2 pm flight in the
afternoon." I repeated.
"But Armaan, talk to her once b-"
"No mom. There is nothing else to
talk about." I cut her between. I
didn't want to talk to Riddhima. I
didn't know what to talk to her. This
shouldn't have happened. Mom
should have told me everything
beforehand. I wouldn't have let the
matter come to this long. Or would I?
"Okay." Mom replied coldly getting
up from the bed. I knew she was
hurt with my words. But I was not
ready to face Riddhima. What would I
say to her? I am sorry Riddhima.
Forget that I had asked you to marry
me. I can't marry you because you
were already married. That would
only hurt her more.
I couldn't understand why I had
been thinking about her comfort
even now?
"Shall I drop you mom?" I asked
trying to please her.
"Riddhima is waiting downstairs for
me. We'll go together. Will you still
come to drop me?" She shot the
words at me. That shut me up. By
the harshness in her voice I could
feel the extent to which I had hurt
her. I felt miserable. But why
couldn't she understand? There was
nothing I could do to make things
better. I couldn't marry Riddhima,
could I? "I thought so." She added
when I remained mum.
"Bye mom." I tried once again. She
turned to me but didn't say
anything, just made her way to the
room.
"Armaan, I still stand by my words
that Riddhima is the one I would
choose for you. I respect your
decision because it's your life. But I
would have been happy if you talked
to her once." She said. Her words
came as a slap to me. "I thought you
should know that." She added before
leaving.
I fell back on my bed sighing. I
didn't feel this feeling of guilty, when
I had said no to the previous girls I
had met before. But this time, it was
different. I could feel that something
was bothering me inside. But I
couldn't comprehend what that
something was.
After sometime, I got ready and went
downstairs. I found Rahul working on
his laptop.
"Hey Rahul!" I greeted him, sitting
beside him on the sofa.
"I booked the tickets for the
afternoon flight." He said. That
meant he had talked to mom and
may be Riddhima too before you left.
"Are you angry with me too?" I asked
him skeptically.
"No Armaan." I sighed listening to
his words. I could feel he was honest
as the answer had been instant. It
would have added to my guilt had he
said something other. "I understand
you. But you should have talked to
Riddhima. Or talk to aunty once." He
added.
"I don't know yaar. I am not
comfortable with that." I replied,
looking at the TV. He didn't say
anything.
"Come. We'll have breakfast. I have
been waiting for you." He said after a
moment. His words made me realize
the grumbling sounds in my
stomach, owing to the fact that I
didn't had anything the previous
night.
To add to the irony of the situation,
the breakfast was bread and cheese.
It only reminded me of the
breakfasts we had with Riddhima.
God, initially she was so nervous that
she used to struggle to put cheese
evenly on one slice of bread.
Unintentionally I sat at the table
just staring at the slices of bread
Rahul placed in my plate.
"You can't eat if you just stare at it.
You have to put that in your mouth,
chew and swallow, you know like
this." He joked showing his art of
eating. That somehow brought a
smile to my lips diverting my mind
off the things I had been feeling bad
about. With that the usual dams
broke. We chatted about the usual
stuff; sports, our company, share
market and the upcoming project.
Very carefully, he made sure not to
speak any girls of our company as
that would be the usual topic we
would chat about. I was thankful for
that. Somehow larger part of my
brain was off Riddhima.
"Hey monkeys!" Muski came barging
in. "Aunty told me you are leaving?"
She asked narrowing her eyes at us.
"Yeah, leaving in the afternoon."
Replied a shy Rahul. I wondered how
he talked to her on phone if she had
that effect on him. I wondered how
he fell for her in the first case. She
was an exact opposite of him- loud
and gregarious. Physics is indeed
true- opposites do attract!
"Oh!" Her face fell slightly though
she tried to cover that up. "Why? Is
Hyderabad missing you?" She winked
at us.
"No. To just check whether Bangalore
would miss us or not." I answered it
quickly, winking back at her. She
caught it quite quickly as she looked
flustered for a moment.
"Obviously Bangalore would miss u."
She said after a moment.
"Me or Rahul?" I probed her further.
God, this is turning out to be quite
interesting. I was teasing Muski and
the reaction can be seen on Rahul's
face which was flushed up. Chemistry
is true too- I mumbled to myself.
"You guys carry on. I have to do
some packing." I added and got up
to provide them with some privacy.
They might need few moments before
leaving.
"Oh Muski, why didn't you have an
exam today? " I asked. "Mom said
your exams are going on." I ended.
"Yeah, my elective is in the
afternoon. Riddhima had hers in the
morning session." She replied.
I just nodded at her. "Good luck." I
wished and left for my room. As
much as I tried avoiding Riddhima,
she just followed me virtually. And to
my absolute horror I found myself
wondering about what Riddhima's
reaction would be had she known
that I was leaving today. Does she
know that at all?
When we got into the elevator, my
mobile rang. I smiled looking at the
number. It was mom. She could
never stay angry at me.
"Yes mom?" I spoke into the phone.
We stopped at the floor below ours
and Rahul went to give the house
keys to Padma aunty.
"Armaan, did you pack everything?
Your jacket, shaving set and-"
"Yes mom, I put everything. Rahul
checked everything twice." I smiled.
Atleast Rahul's name would assure
her.
"Okay then, did you have lunch?" She
asked again.
"Yes mom." I replied and then I
heard Riddhima's voice at the
backdrop. Strangely, I felt like
meeting her once before leaving.
"I am sorry mom." I said suddenly.
"It's fine Armaan. Take care and call
me when you reach your flat." She
said.
"Bye mom." I added before cutting
the call.
I saw Padma aunty walking towards
the elevator where I had been
standing. I hugged her when she
came to me. "Take care aunty." I
said.
"You too." She said patting my cheek.
"And you-" She turned to Rahul,
almost startling him, who was
standing behind her. "Eat properly.
See how lean you have become." I
chuckled when he nodded his head
vigorously at her. She hugged him
but God, I could see him stiff. Phobia
for mother-in-law, I thought rolling
my eyes.
We bid her bye and took a cab to
the airport. Thanks to Rahul, we
reached the airport much in advance.
While I sat in the waiting area with
the luggage, Rahul went to the
enquiry desk. Sitting idle, I thought
about my stay in Bangalore. It had
too many memories. Some sweet and
some sour. And I realized at once
that all of them were with Riddhima.
Somehow, in a short span of 12 days,
she made an impact in my brain as
well as heart. Only if I could change
the events of yesterday! I sighed and
closed my eyes, resting my head
back.
"The flight's on time." I opened my
eyes when I heard Rahul's voice. He
passed me a cup of coffee. As I
sipped it all I could think of was my
little encounter with Riddhima at the
coffee lounge. I shook my head to
push the thought aside.
"Shall we check in?" Rahul asked
when I completed my coffee.
I checked the watch. Its 1.30 already.
"Yeah, let's go." I agreed with him
and we stood up to leave.
As we made our way towards the
check in counter, I stopped dead in
my tracks spotting Riddhima at the
airport. She was searching frantically
around. I guess for us. Unknowingly I
took a couple of steps towards her.
She sighed in relief when she
spotted me.
"I'll wait near the counter." I heard
Rahul's voice. For once I didn't
bother that statement of his. I was
glad he went away. I didn't know,
somehow, I wanted some privacy with
Riddhima.
"What are you doing here?" I asked
Riddhima when she approached me.
Her eyes were slightly red and so was
her nose.
"Are you going back?" She asked
without replying to my question.
"Yes." I replied.
"Oh!" Her face fell. But her eyes had
been searching for something in me.
"I just came here to meet you." She
replied, her eyes boring into mine,
making me uncomfortable.
An awkward silence prevailed
between us before I decided to break
it. "I am sorry Riddhima. Regarding
yesterday..." I left the sentence
incomplete as I didn't know how to
finish it.
But she just smiled, the one which
didn't reach her eyes. "That's fine. I
am used to rejection as I already
said. I can manage." She replied.
But her words hit me hard. I recalled
my words when I had denied her of
that.
"We can be friends, right?" I asked
trying to sound cheerful. But I know
as well as she, how miserably I
failed. She just smiled at me.
No Tears! No Tears! No Tears! I
found myself praying, as I watched
her face. Within moments I saw her
eyes getting moist. But I didn't
understand the reason behind them.
Why was she here in the first case?
"Will you be fine?" I heard myself
asking her. She averted her gaze
from me for the first time in the last
few minutes. I felt relieved. I felt as
if I was under a scanner when she
had been looking at me. She then
looked up at me, her eyes depicting
defeat. Of what? I thought confused.
"Riddh-" I opened my mouth only to
leave it hanging open the next
moment.
Riddhima took a step ahead and
embraced me tight, running her
hands around my neck. The bag I
was holding fell off my hand. She
buried her face in the crook of my
neck and held onto me tight. The
hug was too intimate to dismiss it as
a friendly gesture of her part. Her
entire body- head to toe- was
pressed up against mine. I couldn't
hug her; something held me back. I
kept my hinds to myself, at my sides.
"I am scared." Her voice cracked as
she mumbled when I tried to part
away. And my resolve wavered. I
wrapped my arms around her body,
hugging her closer. Just a hug. I
convinced my mind when it screamed
at me to move away. I felt her relax
in my hold. But my every muscle was
too stiff to relax. I didn't want this,
my senses yelled. It would only
complicate things, making them
worse. As a reflex I pushed myself
away from her not so gently.
"May be you'll come back." She
whispered stepping away from me. It
was not a statement, rather a
question.
Now what does this mean? I sighed
tired of the turn of the events lately.
First she doesn't show anything that
she might be interested in me. She
stood by me when I needed
someone. Then when I made up my
mind about her and thought of
marrying her, she dropped a bomb
on my head saying that she was
already married and on the face of it,
cried bitterly. She was the one who
remarked nothing would be possible
between us and when I agreed with
it and tried to get back to my
routine, she came and hugged me
tight saying she was scared. It
disturbed me to the core. What do I
make of everything happening?
I heard Rahul calling for me. "Take
care." I said, my voice devoid of any
emotions, my head swimming in
various thoughts. She just stared at
me as I took a step backward, still
facing her. I felt miserable under her
gaze. Her eyes had been different
today. They were as if searching for
something, pleading for something
and asking for something. But there
was nothing I could do to make her
feel better. Not able to stand her
gaze any longer, I turned around and
walked to Rahul. When I nodded at
him to move ahead, he didn't
respond to me. I followed his gaze
and turned around. I found
Riddhima running back to the exit,
her hair and dupatta swaying along
with the air. However I sighed
inwardly and took a deep breath
before moving ahead.
Sitting in the plane, I closed my eyes
and once again saw Riddhima's eyes.
I opened my eyes startled. I lay back
on the seat and stared into space.
Major part of me said this was better
for us. But there was also a minor
part, which I couldn't ignore, that
told me the good bye was wrong.
So how was the part? Did you all like it? Please vote! -Isha