And then she said it!

PART 26

INTO HER HEART...
I never expected myself to be
standing in this situation. But now
that I am, I didn't understand what I
am supposed to do. Riddhima was
clinging to me, her eyes searching
mine and when I turned to look at
the guy standing infront of us, I
didn't understand if I was shocked or
surprised. He was looking expectantly
at us with a normal smile on his
face. Should I comfort Riddhima first
or should I deal with her past first?
If I was able to with stand one part
of her past, it should not be that
difficult to confront the other part,
should it? All I have to do is keep
my nerves under control. Taking a
deep breath, I decided to handle
both at a time. I put my hand
around Riddhima's waist and pulled
her almost limp body against mine
and turned to face him.
I didn't know when his expression
changed but he was staring at us in
confusion.
"Hi, I am Armaan Mallik," I
introduced myself, in a formal tone.
"Riddhima's husband." I couldn't
help but add.
The next instant I felt one thing and
noticed another. I felt Riddhima's
body turning as rigid as a stick I
wondered she would break her spine
if she tried more. I rubbed her waist
trying to convey that I am fine. But I
was anything but fine. However, I
didn't want her to know what I was
at the moment. The thing I noticed
was the display of emotions on his
face. For a brief second his face
depicted some sort of gloominess
before he put up a relaxed one.
"Sohail Sharma." He greeted me and
offered his hand for s shake. "Glad to
meet you." And then he turned his
gaze to Riddhima who stood rooted
to her spot. "How are you Riddhi?"
I almost flinched at his intimate way
of addressing her. His gentle gaze
and warmth in his voice added to it.
For some weird reason, I wanted to
punch him right in his face. How
idiotic does that sound! Now, my
readers, I know my thoughts are
kiddish. But what the hell! Dill to
baccha hai ji!!
"Riddhima. Ridhhima Armaan Mallik."
Riddhima's curt reply snapped me
out of my thoughts. "I am fine, thank
you." She added with a serene smile.
His face turned white as if she had
slapped him. And I wanted to jump
high in air or somersault on the
carpet on the floor. I wanted to swirl
her around in my arms and kiss the
breath out of her. I almost grinned
at him.
When he opened his mouth to say
something, she cut him off. "Excuse
me," she uttered before she trotted
off to our room with the dignity of a
queen-her face held high, chin tight
and back straight.
"Mr. Mallik," I took a step towards
our room when he stopped me. "I
understand your hostility towards me
but I ' I-" He said when I turned to
him. "If you have few minutes, I
would like to talk to you." He ended.
Involuntarily my gaze flew towards
the door of our room. Before I could
refuse, he added. "Not now I
understand, but later. Please."
I know I am not supposed to feel
sorry for him but I felt all the same.
Being a man myself, I know it is not
easy to accept defeat and insult no
matter what the past actions were.
But looking at a young man almost of
my age, standing before me with his
shoulders slumped and appearing
older that he was because of the
pain in his eyes and voice, I couldn't
help myself.
"Later." I said and his eyes sparkled
with hope.
"I am staying in 416." He informed
and gave me his business card which
had his mobile number in it.
I took the card and nodded at him
before leaving.
"Arma- Mr. Mallik, I am sure
Riddhima and you will thank me one
day." He said, just before I turned
the knob of our door.
And almost instantly I had a bad
feeling that he was not quite a
bas***d I expected him to be.
I took a deep breath and closed my
eyes for a second before entering our
room. Not knowing what is awaiting
me, I turned the knob and stepped
in. But the room was empty and I
heard the water running in the
washroom. So I went and sat on the
couch. A couple of moments later, I
lay back with my legs dangling down
from the armrest, and closed my eyes
running my hand in my hair.
More than Riddhima's behavior it
was Sohail's that disturbed me. Ever
since I came to know of him, I
imagined him to be a screwed
personality but suddenly he turned
out to be the opposite. And for some
reason, I wanted him to be the
screwed personality. I remembered
the night Riddhima had told me
about him, about her and about
them. Her voice held so much pain
that made me ache. And her silence
that answered my question of her
love for him. That's one reason why I
wanted him to be the bad guy.
Because if he is not one, then I
guess I have to compete with him
where Riddhima was concerned. I
don't want to be the second man in
her heart; I want to be the only
man.
"Armaan?"
I heard her voice and sat up
straight. I had to blink once to clear
my mind. She stood near the
washroom door with a robe draped
around her tightly. I recalled that
she wore that robe only once: when
she had very little underneath that
robe, her lacy chemise to be precise.
And my heart slammed in my chest
at the thought that she might be
wearing similar thing. But she wasn't
looking at me.
"Come to me, Riddhima." I
whispered, stretching my hand out
for her.
She took slow tentative steps to me
and sat beside me. She screeched
the next moment when I rolled her
to her back and covered her body
with mine.
"Are you fine?" I asked her, caressing
her cheek.
She nodded.
"Sure?" I probed.
She nodded again. "Are you?" She
questioned back.
"I am, as long as you are." I said and
kissed her forehead. I had so many
questions in my mind, but at the
moment nothing seemed important,
except her. I half expected she
would be crying when I entered the
room but she gave me a pleasant
surprise by handling herself very
well. And that gave me ample
amount of hope that she might be
ready to handle it if I said I loved
her. And that she might even
reciprocate them. First thing in the
morning, I promised myself.
"Thank you." She whispered, running
her fingers along my jaw.
I smiled, for I knew why she was
thanking me. When she smiled back,
I dipped my head down and locked
our lips together. She responded
back immediately with equal ardor
that one thing led to the other and
before we knew we were making love
on the couch.
When I was back in my senses,
Riddhima had already dozed off
under me, on the couch. I got up
from above her and sat beside her.
The next moment, she hugged herself
searching for warmth. Smiling I
covered her with the blanket I found
on the bed and quickly put on my
clothes.
I searched for the business card
which Sohail had given me. For some
reason, I wanted to know why he had
abandoned her all of a sudden when
it was apparent from his gaze and
voice that he was fond of her. And I
wanted to know what he wanted to
talk to me. I dialed the number from
the card and waited for him to take
the call.
"Armaan here. Can we talk now?" I
asked.
I cut the call when he agreed and
left the room after placing a soft kiss
on Riddhima's forehead.
Sohail tried to smile at me when he
opened the door. I nodded at him
politely before stepping in and
closing the door behind me. I felt
stupid and awkward, in my wife's ex-
husband's room, trying to talk to him
of their past. But my curiosity got
the better of me. And I needed to
know few things to understand
Riddhima better. Sighing, I sat on
couch near the bed and instantly
shook my head when images of what
I had done with Riddhima on the
similar couch in our room flashed in
my head.
"Brandy?" He asked me sliding the
door to the small closet.
"No, beer would do." I replied. For
some reason, since I had to go back
to Riddhima, I didn't want to get
drunk.
He gave me an understanding smile
and came back after a few moments
with two beer bottles in his hand.
He handed me one and sat across me
on the chair. As I shifted
uncomfortably in the deadly silence,
I watched as he leaned his head
back after taking a large gulp of his
beer.
"How is Riddhima?" His eyes were
closed but I heard him all the same.
"I hope you don't mind if I called
her by her first name." He opened
his eyes and looked at me.
I raised my brow at him but nodded
anyhow. "You have seen her." I said,
curtly.
"I wish we had met each other some
other time." He said, as he sat
straight. "Atleast not on your
honeymoon." He added.
I narrowed my eyes at his wondering
how he had known that we are on
our delayed honeymoon. A question
sprang immediately to me mind and
I grew alert. Could he be stalking us?
I knew it was absurd but it gave me
some satisfaction that I can blame
him for the same. For some reason, I
didn't want him to be a good guy,
which to my utter horror he was
turning out to be.
He chuckled looking at me, as if
reading my mind. "The room you are
in, it's a honeymoon suite." He
added and I was surprised at the
pang of jealousy I heard in his voice.
"What do you want to talk?" I asked
after another brief silence.
"I don't know, to be frank." He
replied with a sigh. "When I saw her
suddenly, I wanted to explain my
actions to Riddhima, but by the look
on her face I knew she doesn't want
me around her. So I would feel
better if I do that to you. I know it is
awkward, but the guilt is eating me
up." He said, looking straight into my
eyes and I knew that he was
speaking the truth.
"Riddhima doesn't talk to me about
you much. She just told me briefly
how you got married and how you
abandoned her." I felt him flinch
when I deliberately stressed the
word.
"She is not the talking type." He
replied calmly.
I nodded. "The nanny at the
orphanage told me the rest of the
story." I felt my temper rising
suddenly at the thought of a young
Riddhima finally coming to terms
that she was discarded by her
husband and that too in a hotel
room, at an unknown town.
"bas***d!! You left her in a hotel
room, at the mercy of the staff!
Couldn't you alteast explain it to her
before leaving?" I shouted, banging
the beer bottle on the table infront
of me.
"I was young Armaan, barely 22." He
said, looking down, playing with the
bottle in his hands.
"So was she! And happy in her world
she built around you and-" I took a
deep breath, trying to force the
words out of my throat. "-and in love
with you!"
"But I was stupid and confused." He
whispered. "Besides, she was not in
love with me."
"Oh yes, she is." I snapped, "So
much that it required two suicides
on her part and two years to get over
you!"
His face turned white and he gasped
at my words. My anger vanished
slightly at his reaction but I didn't
feel sorry for using the blunt words
at him. We sat in stunned silence
again.
"I messed up real bad, didn't I?" He
asked after a couple of minutes. "I
thought I was helping her, letting
her free, but I failed to see how
much it would hurt her."
I sipped my beer and sat in silence.
"What about your family?" I asked,
out of blue.
"My mom and uncle live with me, in
London. I am here to attend a
business conference." He replied.
"Your wife or children?" I probed
further.
"I did not marry again." He said
simply.
I was surprised. "Why?"
In response he just looked at me and
smiled ruefully. With that look, I had
my answer. Riddhima's ex-husband
is still in love with her. Ofcourse, she
is a woman with whom a man can
fall in love without even realizing it.
But the information didn't sit with
me well. Suddenly I felt like an
intruder, in their love story. I
wondered how the situation would
be had Sohail met Riddhima
unmarried. By the look on his face, I
had no doubt that he would have
taken her back. But now that I am
her husband, I wondered if he would
pursue her again. And by the means
of it, Riddhima did seem to have him
in her heart still. I shook my head
and snapped at myself. No matter
what, Riddhima is my wife and I
intend to keep her to myself.
"As you might be aware of it by now,
I married Riddhima against my
mom's wish." He started. "I hoped
she would come to like her with
time, but it seemed to only worsen.
She didn't hurt her physically, but
yes mentally she taunted her in my
presence and absence. To make it
even worse, Riddhima believed in
every taunt my mom threw in her
face. My mom once said she was
inefficient in kitchen, Riddhima
believed it and used to fumble every
time she cooked. If my uncle grunted
that she was not a good wife, she
believed that too and tried her best
to impress me so I would not feel the
same. She was so damned bent on
pleasing everyone that it suffocated
me. I didn't understand her at all."
He trailed of helplessly.
I understood what he was trying to
say. It was so typical of Riddhima to
try and please everyone around her
that people would be glad of her
company. I understood where she
got that notion from. And I winced at
the image of Riddhima trying to
please his mother and uncle. How
much she might have suffered!
"And then she was stiff with me
whenever I tried to get closer to
her." He looked at me warily and
continued when I nodded. "She
never let me touch her, Armaan. She
was so damned afraid of me during
night that we had to sleep in
different beds. And that only
increased my frustration." He sighed
and closed his eyes.
"So you decided to leave her?" I
asked bitterly.
"No Armaan. Riddhima has a
vulnerable spirit in her. She has an
invisible innocence and childishness
in her. Those were the qualities in
her that made me fall for her." He
said with a smile on his face. "I
treasured them as her priceless
virtues. But our marriage started
destroying them. My mother was
almost successful in breaking that
innocent spirit. And I was afraid I
would not love her without those
qualities. I know I sound stupid but
I wanted to end it before it turned
bad between us. Riddhima was far
too lost in happiness of a secured
life to notice what it was doing to
her personality. She was happy to
comply with everything. And I had to
leave her, without facing her because
I knew I could never leave if she
looked into my eyes. Her eyes would
be my undone, every time. I thought
it was a wise decision then. But it
seems that I was wrong." He ended
and looked at me.
I sat still trying to come to terms
with what he was telling me. In short
he just told me that he left her
because he wanted the best for her.
I didn't understand how a person
could do that. And how would
Riddhima react when she comes to
know about it. It was a complicated
mess!
"I don't know what to say." I sighed.
"Riddhima used to look at me with so
much awe and respect that I guess it
hurt me bad when today she looked
at me with such hatred. I just
wanted her to know that I am not a
bad guy." He added.
"She told me that you encouraged
her to study." I said not knowing
what to say.
"Yes. She was interested in finance
and accounting so much." He said
fondly.
"She completed her MBA in Finance."
I informed him.
He smiled wide and from that smile I
knew he was proud of her, being the
person who recognized her interest
in finance. And for some reason, it
stung. I wanted to be the only
person to know of her interests, her
cravings, of her. But he was one step
ahead of me. I didn't know how to
deal with it.
"How did you marry her? I mean,
know her?" He asked.
"She was a paying guest at our house
in Bangalore when doing her MBA.
My mom is her professor and very
fond of her. She asked me if I am
interested in her and I married her
later." I told him briefly not wanting
to reveal the private matters of our
life.
"You knew she was married before
your wedding?" He asked
"Yes." I said. He smiled at me. I
didn't understand what he found
amusing but I did return his smile
however.
Again as silence followed, I searched
for my mobile to know the time. I
found my mobile on the couch
beside me and as I unlocked the
phone, I was shocked out of my wits
to see 42 missed calls. And I jumped
to my feet when I noticed all of them
were from the same person -
Riddhima!
"What's wrong?" I heard Sohail ask
me, but my heart was hammering in
my chest that I could barely answer
him.
"Riddhima!" I whispered and ran out
of the room. Amidst my confusion, I
also heard him calling after me and
running behind me but all I could
think of was Riddhima. 42 missed
calls!
I didn't know what I had expected
on pushing the door of our room
open but I was strangely relived to
see the room in the same position as
I had left it, except that Riddhima
was not on the couch. The dim light
was enough to let my eyes search for
Riddhima in the room. My eyes
finally landed on a thin body lying
against the wall in one corner of the
room with knees drawn closer to her
chest and face buried in them. It
appeared as if she was - crying!!
As I stood stupefied at the scene,
Sohail bumped into me from behind
and that cleared my stupor. I walked
to her tentatively and my breath
caught in my throat on hearing her
wrenched and muffled sobs. I
kneeled infront of her and pulled her
arm from her knees trying to make
her see me. She raised her face at
me and I was paralyzed as I took in
her blood shot eyes and blank look in
her eyes. Though her gaze was
directed at me, it appeared as if she
couldn't see me at all.
"Riddhima? What happened?" I
asked, trying to pull her into my
arms.
"Was she scared?" I heard Sohail's
voice beside me but I cared less.
"Riddhima, look at me. It's me,
Armaan." I shook her face but she
just sat staring at me with a faraway
look and tears flowing down her
cheeks.
Something suddenly struck me. She
might have been alone when she
woke up in the room. She might have
searched for me. And 42 missed
calls! And she might have thought I
left her. Because long back, her
husband had left her in a hotel room
and never turned back.
"Oh God!" I exclaimed and pulled
her into my arms, rubbing her back.
My heart beat fast as if I had run a
mile and my entire body tightened "I
am with you, Riddhima. I didn't go
anywhere. You can feel me,
Riddhima. I am here." I whispered in
her ear and was scared when I didn't
feel any change in her body.
When I drew back, I panicked when I
saw that she was looking at me but
quite not at me. And I had to do
something to snap her back from
whatever she was hanging on to.
"Sohail, please leave." I told him
hoarsely.
"But what happ-" He sounded
concerned.
"Later, please leave for now." I
repeated.
For a moment, he hesitated but he
got to his feet and left the room. The
moment, I heard the door click shut,
I pulled Riddhima to my lap and
wiped her tears. Taking a deep
breath, I placed my lips on hers,
hoping it would work.
It should work, or else I will be
damned!
Though my heart was pounding
against my ribs and my breath was
coming in short pants, I didn't let go
of Riddhima. Because I didn't know
any other means to make her realize
my presence. Her soft body was stick
stiff and limp at the same time. Her
hands were lying lifelessly beside her
and her lips were tight against any
response. Slowly, I raised my hand
and caressed her nape with my
thumb, just the way she liked it.
With the other hand, I took her palm
in mine and placed it against my
cheek. She always used to laugh
when I rubbed her palm against my
stubble. She told that it made her
ticklish. I hoped it would penetrate
whatever wall her brain had formed
in her head. Inspite of Riddhima
being in my arms, for the first time, I
couldn't feel the pleasure. My mind
was filled with all those imaginary
images of Riddhima the way the
nanny had told me when Sohail
stepped out of her life. I desperately
prayed that she was not going
through another attack of depression.
I jolted out of my thoughts when I
felt Riddhima pull back forcefully.
Panting and clearly out of breath, I
saw her watching me blankly. And
then I noticed it happening. She
blinked her eyes and hesitantly
placed her palm against my cheek.
As her eyes started filling with tears,
she placed her other palm against
my other jaw and cupped my face in
her hands.
"I am here, Riddhima; with you." I
whispered softly. "I jus-"
I was cut short when she pulled me
roughly and placed her lips on mine.
For a moment, I was startled and
then relaxed when I felt her lips
moving desperately against mine. It
felt as if she was just making sure of
my presence. When I wrapped my
hands around her body and was
about to deepen the kiss, she pulled
back again, abruptly.
"Oh Armaan!" She breathed against
my lips, crying. "I- I thought-"
She choked on the words and hugged
me tight, with a death grip, knocking
whatever air was in my lungs out.
Though our awkward position on the
floor and her grip around my neck
started hurting me, I sat still trying
to give her whatever she was trying
to take from me. She drew back once
more to look at my face and then
buried her face in my neck yet again,
where I felt her warm tears soaking
through my cotton shirt. I placed my
chin against her hair and cradled her
closer to my chest. I didn't know
what to say to soothe her, so I just
sat there with her. I felt her shiver
after a few moments and realized
that it was very cold and both of us
were on the floor.
I picked her in my arms and stood
up. When I almost placed her on the
bed, I realized that the blanket was
still lying on the couch where I had
left it. To bring it back to bed so I
could cover her with it, I turned to
go to the couch but she sat up with
a start and clutched my wrist in her
palm. It was like I received a sharp
blow in my stomach when I saw the
glazed and horrified look in her eyes.
"Don't leave me Armaan!" She
whispered brokenly.
I slumped back on the bed and
cradled her into my arms. "Oh
Riddhima!! I am not leaving you. Not
now or ever!" I tried to reassure her
by my words but she just hid her
face in my neck and held on to me
tight, as if I would disappear if she
leaves me.
She drew back and looked up into my
eyes. Her eyes were swollen, blood
red and full of tears; and she was
close to hiccups. "I woke up...I
thought...washroom was empty....I
waited.....dark and scared.....I
thought.....called you....mobile....it
was ringing....and..." She started
rambling what happened and though
her words made little sense, I got
what she was trying to tell me and it
only made my heart burn. What did I
put her through!
"Sshh Riddhima! It's okay. You have
me with you. I won't leave you." I
whispered.
"Why?" She asked after a couple of
moments. "Everyone tends to leave
me one day or other." She added.
"I am not everyone, Riddhima." I
said, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"It was same like that day, Armaan."
She said slowly and I understood she
was talking about the same day
Sohail had left her. "I thought we
came on a honeymoon. He told me
so. I was so happy. I even let him
kiss me." I tightened my grip on her
at her words. The new found
information didn't sit well with me.
He might be giving her a farewell
kiss, that bas***d!!
"I thought he went for some errands.
I waited for him for few hours before
calling his number." She shuddered
and drew closer to me. "He-he didn't
take the call. I kept on calling him
the whole night. I was scared
something happened to him." She
stopped and drew back to look at me
"You see I don't be happy for a long
time." She then placed her head on
my chest and continued. "I cried the
whole night for him. By morning I
was frightened and somehow had a
bad feeling. It was then the hotel
service person came to me and told
me that the cab was ready to take
me to the orphanage. I didn't
understand him and said that I was
waiting for my husband and he was
missing. I insisted on calling the
police. How stupid I was!"
"You were not stupid, Riddhima!" I
suddenly remembered nanny telling
me that Riddhima never told her
what happened that day except that
Sohail had left her and suddenly
realized she might be talking about
it for the first time. The pent up
feelings in her heart have been one
reason for her insecurity, I thought
and encouraged her to speak.
"I was, until I was given a note. I
recognized his writing at once. I still
remember the words exactly, Armaan.
They destroyed my world completely."
She stopped, closing her eyes.
"What was there in the note,
Riddhima?" I probed her.
She shuddered once again and
looked at me, fresh tears filling her
eyes. " It was two lines, Armaan, just
two lines. It said 'Sorry Riddhima. Go
back to your orphanage. It's for the
best. Good bye, forever.' I sat
reading it for hours until I finally
understood what it meant." She
paused for a couple of moments.
"When I didn't find you, I thought I
was back to where I had started.
Abandoned and alone." She said the
last word and broke into sobs, so
heart wrenching that I felt my eyes
pricking.
I rocked her back and forth like a
baby but her sobs were persistent. I
didn't understand what to do. I knew
she would fall sick if she didn't stop
crying but at the same time I wanted
to let her bring everything out that
was buried deep down in her heart.
I wanted to get to the deepest corner
of her heart. Why? Because I wanted
to find out if I was present in it or I
was too late in her life for her to
make some room for me.
While I sat in silence, I felt her body
growing heavier in my arms and
realized she was falling asleep. But
she was still mumbling something.
So I bent my head down to listen to
what she was saying and her words
gave an answer to all my questions.
"I loved him Armaan, so much that I
was afraid of falling in love again."
That's it for today! Bye. Good Night. - Isha