Seep Into Me Slowly

[Chapter 22]

The next few days were hell for Tatiana, she'd realized that all the headaches and dizziness stemmed from being pregnant. She wasn't sure what to do. Standing at the pitchfork of a moral dilemma, she sighed as she took slow deliberate sips from her hot chocolate mug. She was nuzzled in the window loveseat, a blanket keeping her warm in the ruthless cold while her mind took a walk on its own. She thought hard, about what was the best option for her. Should she call a clinic and book an abortion appointment? Should she keep the baby and go on with her life like nothing happened? She was exhausted from asking the same questions over and over only to come up empty each single time.

She sighed and wondered, if she did keep the baby, how would her future turn out to be. Would it be like Silas described, or was that an overly positive review given by him. Could they ever be a family? Without the biological father marching in to claim his kid? She didn't want to see his face again in her life, let alone parent a child with him. On the other hand, Silas did offer to make the baby theirs. They were legally married, it'd be his by law, but she knew what he meant. He wanted to care for them, love them both as his. She wondered what kind of powerful kindness possesses a man to take care of a child that's not his own. Her husband had the biggest heart and she loved him more for it. She halted in her thoughts. She loved him? When did that happen?

She knew she was extremely fond of him. They way he'd hold her and assure her that everything will be alright. How he'd give her his jacket and freeze to death himself just so she feels warm. How he'd nudge her to the side of the pavement where there isn't the road, just so he could protect her if something happened. The way he'd fight the monsters away, shoo the nightmares out and hold her in her sleep safely. He would also run his fingers in her hair lovingly, makes sure to eat properly and respects her space when asked. In top all of that, when he'd found out that she was raped -by his own brother- , or that now she was carrying his baby, he still stood by her side stubbornly and refused to leave her. She'd categorized it all under 'attachment' and 'comfort' that she wasn't realizing she was falling in love with him. It wasn't a mere crush that'll go away eventually. She was head first, heels last, completely in love with him.
What was there about the man not to love, anyway?

She smiled sheepishly at the comforting revelation. She's in love with Silas, full on. But then a daunting thought came over her, does he feel the same way? What if he's not in love with her as she is with him? What then? She shooed the intrusive thoughts away. She shouldn't believe them over his kindness and affection for her. He needn't say the words. It's the way he'd look at her lovingly, like she'd the prettiest sight he's seen. The way he'd cook for her, unasked. How he'd gladly hold her and sooth her at night, never once complaining about how she interrupted his sleep. How he'd keep her rubber band on his wrist after taking her hair out of her designated ponytail. Most importantly, how he's her safe place, knowing fully that no harm can reach her whenever she's in his arms. While at the same time, he succeeds in blowing her stomach up from a single touch or a glance.

She smiled at herself, reminiscent about the last two months she'd had. Looking back now, she'd never been any happier, overly. Just then, she heard the front door open before his familiar steps thumped over to her. She smiled knowingly, then he entered with an easygoing smile at her in their favorite spot. "Hey" He greeted and she got up, jogged to him and launched herself in his arms. He grinned and held onto her "I missed you" She let out from the crook of his neck. His grin widened and he'd spun her around "I missed you" he muttered before kissing her head. She pulled him to the loveseat, they snuggled up together and she showed him the sketch she'd been working on this morning in light of the recent events. Drawing was her coping mechanism with all the chaos going on around her in the world, and more significantly the chaos going on inside her. She held up the drawing, suddenly nervous to reveal it to him. Since last night, they'd agreed to fall asleep, and he kept his word he wouldn't bring the topic up until she mulled over it, and made up her mind. She did clear thinking the entirety of the day, going back and forth in her own mind. She'd thought about it a million times already, making her mind then second guess herself if she did the right choice.

She held up the drawing consisting of three figures up to him, eyeing him to gauge his reaction. He stared at the tiny sketch in shock, looking back at her, mouth agape "Does this mean..?" He asked gulping, staring at her to confirm his suspension. "Yes. I decided to keep the baby. That if you still want to" She confessed and he attacked her in a huge hug. She giggled at him and melted in his embrace. "Of course I still want to, I'll be my best for it" He rambles and she giggles more "That's impossible, you're already the best that can be" She objected. He kissed her cheek and his hand rested on her stomach, caressing the skin alluding at the unborn baby "Then I'll improve until I can be better than best" He offered jokingly and she squeezed his arm in laughter.