All The Wild Ones | Wildfire Series

Toss-Up

NESSA

My head and heart were at war again, and I didn't know which one I wanted to win. It was a toss-up.

Letting my head win meant that Grayson never felt a damn thing for me. Or maybe he did, but now he was moving on. He'd gotten a little slice of what he'd been looking for, found out that I was also giving it to other people like Bren Hadaway, and that was enough for him.

Letting my head win meant that my worth was being kicked to the curb again. It meant that I imagined the way he'd made me feel. That I imagined someone cared about me.

And as shitty as that all was, it might have been better than the alternative.

Because if my heart won, that meant something was wrong.

My heart wanted so badly to believe that Grayson Everett was real. That I hadn't dreamt up this man who'd made me feel safe. And my heart knew. It knew that he would have texted me back.

He would have called me back.

He would have come over to eat dinner with my family, to play football with Rory.

He would have picked me up when it was time to return to campus after spring break. Hell, he would have driven across half the state if it meant he could kiss me again.

He wouldn't have vanished.

Unless something was wrong.

And I didn't know which option was more terrifying.

When Beau picked me up to go back to school on Friday, he looked like he didn't know what to say. And Beau always knew what to say.

"Nessa—"

"I don't really want to talk about it, Beau." I swallowed down the urge to vomit and stared out the window.

I didn't really want to talk about how I had to call Beau for a ride because no matter how many times I'd texted Grayson this week, he didn't reply. I really didn't want to talk about it.

Beau sighed and pulled out of my driveway.

The car ride was quiet, and I tried closing my eyes, which only made me more nauseous. Opening them again, I stared ahead, watching the road.

"I know you don't want to talk, but you look like you are gonna toss your cookies, Nessie. Do we need to stop?"

"No," I croaked. "I'm fine. I haven't actually thrown up, but I've been nauseous ever since—"

I paused, wondering how much I wanted to admit. Beau would easily be able to put two and two together. But it probably didn't matter at this point.

"Ever since?" Beau probed before gasping dramatically. "Oh shit, are you pregnant?"

"No." I rolled my eyes. "The opposite. I started taking the pill over break, and it's giving me weird side effects."

My decision to get on birth control preceded being ghosted by the guy I was seeing. But I figured I might as well stick with it now that I'd started. I hoped the nausea would subside soon, though.

Beau gave me a crooked smile. "For the record, I think I'd make a really good uncle."

I laughed. "I think you would, too. You should tell Madie."

Out of the two of us, she was way more likely to pop out a baby.

Beau snorted. "Speaking of baby-making, Bren texted that he brought Madie back to campus this afternoon. He's staying until Sunday and then heading back to Fresno."