To My Youth [BL]

[10] When the World Crumbled

𝘛𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦, 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦. 𝘛𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳, 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳.

Wang Xing's words bothered Gu Xiao slightly, but he was too tired to dwell on it. At last, he began brooding over the past, but the strain of it was too much for his mind to handle.

It is not the same as the past. The past will not repeat.

He kept telling himself those words. But then, the question Lan Yuning asked him also suffocated him.

The sentences of questions and answers related to complex numbers and the Cartesian coordinate system circulated the humid classroom, but none of them made it into his ears.

With his eyes shut and head buried in his elbows, there was no way these words even passed by his invisible shield.

Although Gu Xiao always rested his eyelids, not even once did he have a pleasant sleep, whether it was during school or at home.

There were many times in the past when he slept, hoping to forget every one of his mistakes and realise the life he had lived was merely a fragmented dream. Yet, those thoughts were not as frequent as usual anymore. Maybe he was just too tired.

Recalling that night he spent with Lan Yuning, he wasn't sure why He Rong was trying to contact him again after he cut him off. He had basically cut everyone off and left his life in Shanghai behind.

Before he knew it, he gradually fell asleep.

"Gu Xiao," the teacher called out for the fifth time, yet the boy didn't move in the slightest.

Lan Yuning glanced at the napping boy next to him and kicked his chair, but he didn't expect him to kick it so violently that Gu Xiao's body flung to the wall that his head even smacked against the edge of the window frame.

He let out an "ow" and blinked sluggishly, only to see the teacher and all the other students staring at him.

"What is the answer to question eleven?"

He slowly stood up and glanced down at his textbook. He wasn't even sure if he was on the right page, let alone on the right subject, but he read the eleventh question, cleared his throat, and said confidently.

"Three."

"What? We are doing English. Just go stand outside and I will speak to you later."

Gu Xiao, who was still in a dreaming state, had absolutely no idea what was happening and just walked out in puzzlement.

He was so sure they were doing physics, but when he looked at the clock, he realised an hour had already passed.

When Gu Xiao continued to rub a specific area at the side of his head from the pain, guilt brushed past Lan Yuning's chest, but it was too late to say anything since he was already standing outside the classroom.

✎✎✎

The bell rang, and the teacher spoke to him for a few minutes before letting him go.

Just when Lan Yuning headed for the door to check if his head was alright, his group of friends already carried Gu Xiao away to the clubroom.

Throughout all his matches, Gu Xiao was completely absent minded. After his third practice match, he sat down to take a break until he saw a girl at the door. Just seeing that face inflicted a chill down his spine that he wanted to get knocked out and never wake up.

It was Gu Heiyu.

She pointed at him and waved her finger to gesture him to come out, but Gu Xiao averted her gaze, pretending he saw nothing.

Clicking her tongue, Gu Heiyu stormed into the clubroom and forcefully dragged him out.

"What? Who are you? Where are you taking me? Am I being murdered?" Gu Xiao panicked and covered his chest.

Gu Heiyu placed a finger on her lips and looked left and right before pulling him around the corner.

She withdrew her arm and wiped her hands on his uniform in disgust since his sweat got on her palms.

"Can I please borrow one hundred yuan?" she asked.

"What are you buying? I would sell my body for one hundred."

"I wouldn't even buy your body for ten. That's not the point. I promise I will pay you back. This is the only time I'll ask for that much. I forgot my wallet today, and I need to go eat with my friends after school. I don't have time to go back home since it will take too long."

"I don't even think I have twenty on me right now."

"How much do you have?"

"Are you just going to take everything I have?"

"Please, can you check your wallet? I'll do the dishes for a week. No, I'll do it for a month and even do the laundry without complaining."

Watching his sister whine while fluttering her lashes, he groaned and waved his arms around like a dying octopus before stopping and staring at his sister.

Slowly, he pulled out his wallet and squinted at the loose change and notes.

"Really?"

"Yes. I promise you," Gu Heiyu smiled and placed her palm on her chest. "Also, I think it's confirmed that dad is seeing that woman. I saw them together again, eating lunch at a café."

Even though she spoke in such a nonchalant tone, and he responded with a nonchalant reaction, a lurching thread wrapped around their hearts.

"So, he is really seeing someone?"

"Yes. She works in the same company as him, but I've never gotten a good look at her. What if something bad happens to us? What if we need to move somewhere far away again?"

"Don't think too much about it. If he is happy and she is trustworthy, then it's fine."

The days he spent in Shanghai were simply a buried nightmare, including the times before his mother died. Ah, and also when he died too.

If they had to move again, somewhere far away, out of reach from everyone here, then this was something he should've been used to.

He was tired.

It was tiring to always move, because he never once felt like he belonged anywhere.

Instead, he had already left himself behind and lost who he already once was. Even now, he was still searching for those remains of that young boy.

Gu Xiao flushed all thoughts out and grabbed the cash from his wallet. He firmly placed it in her palms, attempting to distract himself with the usual banter.

"You promise to wash and clean?"

"I promise."

Immediately, he laughed and dashed away, and Gu Heiyu looked at the amount in her hand. It was only ten yuan. And with that, Gu Xiao never saw the light of day ever again.