To My Youth [BL]

[35] The Back Fades into the Crowd (1/3)

Zhang Yongyin was still sniffling and sobbing that Song Anwen had to accompany him outside since the teacher couldn't stand his loud cries anymore. 

He continued blowing his nose, wailing, choking on his tears. The moment he left the classroom, his cries got even louder, that the teacher begged him to go to the infirmary. 

Song Anwen had to help him to the infirmary and probably stayed with him there for a while, but his cries kept growing louder and louder even when he walked off to the infirmary.

Gu Xiao definitely had guilt drowning his chest. Zhang Yongyin had been his best friend since kindergarten, and he even transferred to this school with him. 

The only one who probably understood him the best was Zhang Yongyin.

 Seeing him cry so intensely only left Gu Xiao to slump his head down in self-condemnation. Yet, there was still one other person to who he clung onto.

Gu Xiao, who still had his head laying on the table, shifted his position to look at Lan Yuning with his vision still hazy from sleep.

"Lan Yuning."

Lan Yuning's hand that kept held onto his violet-coloured pen tightly flinched, and he stiffly turned his head around while his eyes wavered between looking straight into Gu Xiao's face or his surroundings. 

The sun, already falling below the faraway skyscrapers, shone through the curtains that cast shafts of golden light to scatter across his graceful silhouette like a scene from an old documentary. 

The boy whose face was refined and intelligent-looking, those sharp yet soft eyes that always drew him in with each glance, and the light that cast a shadow below his lips. 

These indifferent eyes and lips provided Gu Xiao with a sense of completeness and made him whole. This wasn't something he could put into words.

"Lan Yuning, are you getting picked up after school?"

He nodded.

"If it's possible, can you not get picked up straight after last period tonight? I want to talk to you after school."

Lan Yuning didn't respond right away, only allowing a short silence to be exchanged between them. The fine rain from this morning transitioned to a thick downpour that brought down the clouds. 

Moist clouds were carried by the wind, enveloping the school grounds and rooftops, blurring the view of the mourning sky. At first, this rain was disconcerting, but they eventually got used to it. 

When the bitter wind blew, these hazy, fragmented memories drifted down with the rain like the lost souls of the past. 

He still couldn't get the thought out of his head. Did Lan Yuning know he was going to move away? His father was the one who assigned their father to the branch company, after all. However, judging by their relationship, he doubted Lan Yuning would be aware.

"Alright..." Lan Yuning uttered, covering his mouth with his palm as he wrote at a faster pace.

The pure white rain, like both their most profound feelings, silently swirled around the classroom.

✎✎✎

The last ray of the sunlight shone, and the moon soon embraced the sky. Before they knew it, school ended, and Gu Xiao waited for Lan Yuning to pack his things. 

He followed Gu Xiao, whose broad back remained in front of him, yet this vision of Gu Xiao strolling ahead of him while he walked behind, somewhat pained him. 

They headed down the street, but none of them have yet exchanged any words; the silence and their footsteps were enough to fill the emptiness.

Gu Xiao quickly realised it was only his footsteps that echoed, for Lan Yuning walked so lightly and cautiously like a child in a fairy tale who entered a forbidden mansion, and was afraid of what laid deep within the basement floors. It was like this at the water park, too.

Lan Yuning was always behind him.

Gu Xiao slowed his pace to allow the distance between them to shorten before he glanced back.

"Am I walking too fast?" he asked.

Lan Yuning's mind blanked out, blinking twice before realising he was waiting for his response.

"No."

Taking a step back to walk beside him and match his pace, Gu Xiao scratched his nape and turned his head away, distracting his vision with the busy streets. 

Seeing that neither of them changed their speed, they continued strolling down the street next to each other, passing by multiple stores before the area slowly became devoid of anyone.

Walking down the steep path into the empty park, Gu Xiao remembered the time when he caught Lan Yuning wandering along the streets. 

He even brought him to play games, eat, and go karaoke. This was the same park. 

Above all, to see them walking together down the same path again made him reminisce about the first day he was moved to sit next to him. 

He had begged his teacher to change seats the moment he found out he was going to sit next to Lan Yuning, but now he didn't want to leave his side at all.

Gu Xiao felt something tug on the edge of his sleeves, and he looked back to see Lan Yuning holding onto his jacket.

A quiet, "Um," sounded from Lan Yuning's mouth as he squeezed the corner of his jacket tighter.

Gu Xiao's eyes pierced the evening shadows, allowing that one last scrap of illumination to glisten in his misty gaze. 

Although it was about to fade, it had stayed lit for too long that it knew no such thing as exhaustion. 

It was finally time for this light to distinguish and relight itself again.

"Lan Yuning—"

"I—" They spoke in unison.

"You can go first," Lan Yuning said.

A momentary quietness loomed above their heads until Gu Xiao finally broke the silence.

"Please forget about my confession."

Lan Yuning couldn't understand the words coming out of his mouth, and all he could let out was, "...What...?"

As though a wet ball stuck in his throat, Gu Xiao's words gradually became muffled, but he tried his best to let everything pour out right at this moment. 

If he didn't say it now, then he would never say it at all.

"I'm going to be moving away to somewhere far away. This probably all seems like an absurd excuse and I'm sorry I'm only telling you now, but... ah how should I say this?" Gu Xiao could barely look Lan Yuning in the eye, but he could tell he was completely puzzled by his words.

He could tell a thousand reasons as to why he loved Lan Yuning, but none of them could describe that first moment of tenderness when he closed his eyes shut, and all he saw was darkness. 

But when he gathered his courage to lift his eyelids and saw the same bitter-faced boy, it was as if his entire world was right in front of him. 

Soon, all of his worries, anxieties, and fears were all washed away by the upcoming rain.

"I'm moving to the United Kingdom next week."