A missing heart(AugustAlsina)

LOVE Lost

I knew I said I was going end the story but I couldnt just leave y'all hanging like that so I decide to continue the story.

Ari

I wasn't myself anymore and it affected everyone around me,It affected my son Aj and my daughter Auiko. She's never saw her father before and that's going to hurt her in the long run when father's day come and She ask Me where her daddy at and I'm not going to know what to say . Aj saw his dad but he might don't remember because he was a baby when August was around.As of for Me things has been crazy I don't know what to do anymore all I do is stay in my room locked up remembering all the fun times Me and August shared. As I think about the memories the more and more i slip in to depression. I can't even remember the time I saw daylight or the world.I know we wasn't the best couple but hey! What couple is. I blame myself everyday for the cause of the mess.It hurts to not wake up to the one you love,It hurts when you have to sleep alone every night.It hurts Me to know that the one I love I could never see again. It hurt to know your kids don't have a father anymore.But what hurts the most is knowing that the heart you once had crumbled up and died.It feels like somebody sucked the emotions and feelings out of my body.Can somebody tell Me why did he have to go?like why?Every one says he's in a better place now and not to worry but what about Me.I'm down her slowly and slowly dieing everyday because the one I loved is gone.I bet the people who says I'm overreacting probably don't know how it feels when the one you trusted gave your all to and heart in one,just ups and pass away. You don't know how it feels when the one you love doesn't need you anymore. It Burns right through my soul to know that he's gone,I can't even believe it's true.If I could run away I would cause I'm hurting cause I feel I never loved him like the way I should that's why he just slipped away so easily. Tell Me how could I try to get by without the wind beneath my wings. I yearn for his touch again I'm so lonely now that he left Me.I wish this had never happen I just wish it was a nightmare and it will just end.My heart aches because of August not being here with Me,My love is lost.

As the days go by I'm in this house suffering from depression.I do the same things everyday I wake the kids up,Make them breakfast and ship them off to school than I get back in the house and go back up to my room and wait till they get out of school and help them with homework,cook them dinner, get them ready for bath and tuck them in for bed.I do the same thing everyday because I refuse to be happy or to try to even fake it. My happiness up and left the day I stepped in that hospital room.I even have nightmares about that hospital but somewhere deep in my guts I would say heart but I don't got one so I say gut but deep down in my gut I feel that August is somewhere out there.But everytime that thought get to mind my hopes get high and then,he don't come and that's when all faiths falls and I'm back in my room depressed again.

I just hope I can move pass This for the sake of myself and my children because Me being like this isnt good for them to witness.I try to push August out of my head but the look of his soft honey golden skin and soft pink plum lips come back to mind and I'm missing him again.

I try to fight the feelings but it seem like each and everyday they grow stronger taking over my body completely.It's like He's here but at the same time he's not.I just don't know but today I wanna do things different today,I wanna have family time with my kids.

I went into Aj room waking him up and can you believe it my little man is 4 years old.Time go by fast,faster than people think.One day you here the next minute your gone.

"Mommy...no..I'm tired".he said rubbing his eyes and putting the covers over his head.This little boy is to much for Me.

"Well I guess your going miss out on the ice cream".Once I said that he got up smiling.

I went to Auiko room picking her up since she's only 2.She wrapped her arms around Me tight and laid her head down on my shoulder.I took the kids a bath and put their clothes and shoes on.I put A.j on black mickey mouse shirt and red levis with his black converses.I put aukio on a white Minnie mouse shirt and pink Levis and I did her hair into a bun.

I sat the kids down on the sofa and turned on spongebob while I got ready.I rushed upstairs and hop in the shower,rinsing off all negative thoughts and depression off my body.Once I was fully clean I got out the shower wrapping my towel around myself.I looked in the mirror and I see change.I went in my room putting on my black laced bra and matching panties. I put on my Blue sundress,Sliver necklace and black sandals.I brushed my hair since it was already curly.note to self was that I had to make a trip at the hair salon.

I finally was done and I went downstairs."y'all ready to have some family time".I said."Yessa".They both said excited.It made Me smile to see that I may not have August but I do have his beautiful kids that I love more than anything in this world.

I turned off the t.v and grabbed A.j hand while I picked up Aukio.We left out the house, I locked the house door and strapped them in their carseats.I got in the front seat putting my seatbelt on and driving the car out the drive way.

I pulled up at the movies, I got out the car opening the door and taking the kids out the car and grabbing their hands.I locked the car door and made our way inside the movies.I pay for the tickets and We went to go see big hero 6.As the movie started,Aj stayed up watching the movie while Me and Auiko fall asleep.

By time I woke up the movie was over.I picked a sleeping auiko and grabbed Aj."how was the movie A.j"I said walking out the theatre.

"It was good but it made Me cry though "he said putting his hand down.

"Why baby".I said because it was a kids movie and how could it be emotional.

"Because... When the robot left the boy...it was the same way how dad left Me".He frowned and so did I.

I didn't know what to say because he was right."Baby your father left because his mission was over,He defeated all the bad monsters and he earned his super powers and went to the sky".

"So daddy's a hero".he smiled big.

I nodded my head"yup and he's your guardian angel,You probably can't see him but he see you.

"Forreal well I'm Rey talk to him,...He closed his little eyes shut and begin to say."Daddy I know your not with Me right now but I need you,Me and mommy and especially Auiko,I promise to do good if you just come back.

A tear slipped down my eyes,This little boy is too much for his own good,He's very smart to know all this for him to only be four.

I put Aj and Auiko in their carseat and drove to Cold stone's to get ice cream.We all got our Ice cream and ate it in the car.I looked back to see ice cream all over the kids faces. I chuckled and wipe their faces.

Me and the kids have been out all day enjoying each other company but so sad that the fun had to end.We went home and I cooked Chicken nuggest and fries for the kids to eat since it's their favorite food.I wiped their hands once they was finished and took them a bath and put them in my room tucking them in for story time.

"Mommy...I love you".Aj said as he rested his eyes.

"I love you too"I kissed his face and Auiko's.

"Goodnight babies".I went downstairs looking through a photobook of Me and August. A couple of tears rolled down my cheek and I wiped them sucking it up.I went upstairs and got ready for bed,i laid next to the kids and joining them in a nice slumber.