The Forgotten Child

7

I woke up, wiping the sleep from my eyes and sighed. Christmas. The worst day of the year, of my life. I got up after about an hour or so of thinking about the cruel childhood memories.

7 Year Old Matilda

Waking up, it was Christmas. One of the worst days on the year, something that was supposed to be happy and joyful, full of presents and Santa. When my brothers were especially mean to me, and my daddy acted like I didn't exist, when he did it was constant yelling and lecturing me on how I was a mistake. I understand it was my fault mommy died, and that's why I let them do it without getting too upset. I got dressed slowly, and quietly went down the stairs, trying to make the least amount of noise possible.

I practically slow walked to the breakfast table. I tried to get up onto my chair with much difficulty as they all watched with a bored expression.

"For fuck sake Matilda, just sit on the floor", Ravy said obviously not in the mood for me. I nodded with a smile towards him as he gives me a glare. I didn't mind, they just missed mommy a lot, and I have seen loads of photos of her. They would show me them on my birthday.

I sat on the floor with a slice of plain toast smiling, fake smiling of course. They then went into the living room and sat around the sofa's, the Christmas tree they all decorated together with music and chocolate. I sat down on the floor as I watched them give eachother presents, I got non of course, like always.

I learnt that I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve anything.

I was sent to my room after they opened all their presents, giving eachother hugs and smiling, laughing as they watched elf as I was just sat on the top of the stairs. I heard the door bell go off. It was probably Stone. I always stayed in my room when he came, he only came to see my brothers anyway, he never said hello to me. 

I waited until I heard the door opened and slammed. It was weird though, I heard no more voices, it was silent, almost homey. I opened to door slowly to see if I could hear muffled voices in the kitchen but once again; silence.  I walked down the steps slowly, skipping the fourth one which always makes a large creek, just to see no one in the living room

I slowly tiptoed to the kitchen and peeked around the corner, my heart thumping out of my chest. 

No one was around.

They had left me all alone on Christmas, probably off to drink or something. I sighed as I walked into the kitchen, looking around at the almost spotless kitchen. Rome always liked everything tide, spic and span. I realised that I was starving as I didn't get to eat yesterday, I didn't want to leave my room just in case I ran into someone. 

I went to the cupboards and got pancake mix, it was alright since it was around 8 at night anyway. I have been in my room for hours and I didn't even realise. Normally I just sit against a wall, thinking about stuff. Imagining a lovely little family for myself. A mommy, and a kind daddy, with no brothers in sight, but a puppy. I wanted a puppy.

I got what I needed to make pancakes and turned to the fire on. I don't know the real term for it as I never wanted to ask just in case they would yell a me. I put the pan on the fire and cooked the pancakes like it told me on the box. I had made countless ones before when they all went out for dinner.

When they were done, I pilled blueberries  of them, got a blanket and sat on the front porch with them on my lap. It was now around half 8 and the stars were already out as it was winter. I sat there staring up at them, debating everything that I have ever known. 

Was it truly my fault that my mother died? I always thought it was my fault but now that I think more and more about it, I realise it never was. I was a tiny little baby, in which my family ignored and rejected.