Revenge (Kurapika x Reader)

Twenty-Four

Kurapika as a song imo

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Is being rectitudinous truly all I had
made it out to be? Prior, I suspected transmuting my ways would make me feel, well, more honorable in a sense. However, now that I have sworn off doing things my younger self did without any care, I feel as if I am making things more burdensome for myself. I had thought that being honest would bring forth loyalty, now I fear I have painted myself to appear untrustworthy. I wonder, if I had told him straight away, would things have turned out differently? Or would he only loathe me sooner. Perhaps I should continue living atop a throne of lies, it would make things easier. But is easy always the best path?

It's been six days since the escapade. And not a single word has been uttered between the two of us. I had initially hoped that we would spring back to friends within a few days, wishful thinking on my part. The likelihood of us ever being on good terms again grows evermore doubtful. 

Now that I've had some time to think over our dispute time and again, I could not say who was in the wrong. Kurapika has many reasons as to why he would no longer trust me, I now acknowledge. But, was our friendship so feeble that he could only assume the worst of me? It makes me wonder, how much of our trust was one-sided. I mean really, he was so quick to abandon me... Perhaps, I would have done the same. I, his friend, turn out to be loosely affiliated with the people who massacred the entirety of his clan. Why would he still consider me virtuous after finding out that abhorrent knowledge?

He wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

"Y/n," A soft voice chirps from afar.

My attention swerves, oh right Melody. Melody, being the sweetheart she is, let me stay with her after the whole ordeal. I had broken down to say the least, I just... didn't know that fighting like that would take so much out of me. Ironic, I've taken peoples lives without a care, yet I can hardly make myself exhale after quarreling with him.
How have I let myself become such a monster?

"Sorry Melody, I was so lost in thought I hardly remembered you were here." I say sheepishly, gesturing for the petite woman to join me on her couch.

"It's quite alright, I suspect you have a lot to sort out. After- well you know..." She awkwardly gets out, unsure if talking about him is a safe move.

I let out a breathy laugh, "You don't have to act as though it didn't happen. I told you about it not for you to pretend you ignored everything I said."

"I know, I just feel uneasy about it. I wouldn't want to upset you further." Her voice etched with genuine concern, she places a tentative hand on my shoulder.

I feel tension ease from my body almost immediately. "It's fine, I'm no longer bothered by it, Melody."

She sighs, withdrawing her hand. "I wish I could believe you, your heart is singing such a sorrowful tune."

Oh and how right she is, I am so troubled by it, more than I should be. Why do I have to care so much, oh god why. My heart aches, so agonizingly. How have I allowed my emotions to stray so far out of my control. In the past, I would simply place up a wall when any sign of vehemence attempted to flaunt its self. Whats changed? Or should I say, when did I change. I never noticed til this moment.

"Melody, I feel so hopeless." I cannot find any other phrase express the whirlwind of- whatever is going on with me.

"I think I understand what you mean. But, I think you should ask yourself why you feel hopeless. And, if it's not out of line for me to say, ponder why you've been hiding from this hopelessness."

My full attention snaps to her, how could she know I've been avoiding feeling any sort of remorse. Ugh, I shouldn't feel anything! It only displays weakness, weakness I'm not allowed to experience. I need to be strong, I've always been strong. If I'm not, then who am I? Nothing compared to what I've been, I'll be seen as someone not worth being feared, someone of unimportance. How can I live like that? I'll just be... another person.

My words leap from my tongue, "I have to hide, I'm weak if I allow myself the luxury of doubt. Can no one else see that? That's what I have to be! Otherwise I'll be reduced to nothing but a bag of flesh, I'll live without purpose!" I almost choke, I feel as if I want to cry. Stop, no crying Y/n. You promised.

She looks at me, sadness radiating from her core. "Who led you to believe being strong makes you who you are, Y/n. I see so much more, you're a person, a person who breathes, a person who has grown to love. Has being strong influenced any of that?"

That's where you're wrong, I can hardly breathe. And I hardly feel like a person-

Melody continues on, "Also I believe, showing emotion is a strength of its own. No, not physical at any rate, but it takes a special kind of- it's difficult to put into words." She stops to think a moment, "I believe it makes us more human, because at out core that's what we are. Our Nen cannot change that. Although, we are more skilled than the average person in a sense, it makes us no less of a person. And it's beautiful, all the emotions we experience in our lifetime. Just think of that." A small smile creeps to her lips, "Maybe you think I'm being too philosophical, but that is what I truly believe."

I don't think I have the heart to listen any longer, my head aches with uncertainty. "I have to get to work." I mumble.

Her smile immediately drops, "Of course, don't let me hold you up."

I rise to leave, slipping on my coat. Just before I leave Melody calls out, "Please think over what I said."

I give her a small nod.

I apologize, but I don't know if I can.

-

I trudge my way to work, practically wallowing in self pity. God Y/n, why do you have to be such a bitch. Melody, I know, would only even intend kindness from her advice. Saying that, it makes it no more pleasant to hear. Someone else commenting on your imperfections just digs them deeper, although they mean no wrong. The thought that others can recognize that I am not perfect scares me, and I cannot say why.

I push myself to stray away from my distressing evaluations. I puff air out of my lungs, creating spirals of mist to dance in the wind. A snow storm draws near, I can taste it. Frost already encases the asphalt, as if taunting frigid weather is on its way. My mind stills, focusing on taking in the fall atmosphere while it is still present, soon to be covered with white. A white that brings such calm, purity that only exists in a select few commodities. Sometimes, even though it's foolish, I wish I could be snow. To lie there in tranquility. And be no more than a frozen sea.

Bzzzzt

I feel a soft buzz emerge from my coat pocket, out I pull my cell phone.

"Hello," I mutter.

"Hello princess~" A smooth voice coos.

Startled I get out, "Hisoka?"

"The one and only," He chuckles, friskly. "I have a little invitation for you, I know you like to dance."

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Hey hey

Been gone for a hot sec, but are we surprised? Hah, no.

Also I want to say we are (give or take) halfway through the book. And I want to know even though it'll still be awhile, what you guys would want to see next? I have an idea for another Kurapika fic, but is it getting too old? Lmk what you all would like to see from me in the distant future. And all ideas are welcome!

Ily all 😘