Meet some friends of mine

Replacing Kenny (again)

AUTHORS NOTES/INTRO:
Hey guys, I haven't written anything since Dan and Phil were a thing in like 2013 so kinda nervous!! I'm now a whole adult with a degree embarrassingly. This has been a real passion project and I originally wrote it just for me with no intention of publishing but I hope you can enjoy escaping into the town of South Park too!<3
PSA: Characters views do not reflect my own, some of the language is outdated etc but it's in keeping with the show

Y/N's POV
I stand awkwardly in Stan Marsh's back yard, looking around at my 'competitors'.
"And here we are again, best friend tryouts" declares Cartman in his best business voice. It is his college major after all, for the 20% of the time he's not skipping class.
"Right who did we all bring?" he asks expectantly.
"I brought Clyde and Token" says Stan, unenthused.
"I brought Butters, Tweek, and y/n" chips in Kyle.
"And I told Jimmy and Timmy!" Chimes Butters, happy to be included.
"You can't bring your girlfriend, jewbag" whines Cartman, looking me up and down.
"She's not my girlfriend, fatass. And she's cool, we play word of Warcraft sometimes."
Cartman clears his throat, annoyed.
"Right let's go round the circle and everyone tell us one thing that makes you a good replacement for Kenny."

"W-why are we replacing Kenny? He didn't die again did he?" Asks Butters worriedly.

"No he's just a huge dick now."

I allow my mind to wonder to Kenny McCormick. With his dirty blonde hair, chocolate brown eyes and cocky grin complete with gap, it's easy to understand what Wendy sees in him. And Bebe. And Red, Nichole, Nelly and, well, everyone. He drives to college on his motorbike or latest car, smokes weed in the car park and comes in when he likes. He's meant to be in English Literature with me but I've only seen him in like 4 times. But whilst Cartman knows he'll pass even with his low attendence (and boy does he know it), Kenny might flunk but doesn't even care. I guess he doesn't need to. He works as a mechanic and does up old cars whilst attending school on the side, as if it's a hobby. He's crashed 2 cars just this year. He's reckless, arrogant and annoyingly hot. He's a loose cannon, and would make a terrible partner. Unlike...

I glance over at Kyle who quickly looks away, blushing slightly. He's shy, sweet, studies hard (economics and art) and is sensible to a fault. He has deep emerald green eyes, very slight freckles and a muss of dark copper curls, which he still hides with a hat, insecure of his auburn locks. Cartmans teasing did a number on him over the years and now he mostly stays inside gaming or tries to overcompensate in the gym. He's skinny but with washboard abs. For all his trying, he still doesn't match up to Stan, much to his dismay. Stan never works out but is tall, with broad football player shoulders and effortless muscle definition. He has messy raven black hair and piercing blue eyes. He does okay with girls but parties too much and has a habit of getting drunk and starting fights. He almost got kicked off of his science degree for fighting but he has this rugged charm that always seems to gets him out of trouble. He could be hot if he didn't constantly scowl at me.

I zone back into the friend-picking process. Jimmy has just finished making his argument. "And th-th-that's why I'd make a good replacement for K-Kenny. Thank you, what a terrific audience" he finishes with a crooked grin.

"What are you guys doing out here?" Asks Randy, Stans dad, poking his head out from the kitchen.
"Nothing dad, go away" Stan dismisses.
Randy goes back to the washing up, singing Lorde under his breath. "Feelin' good on a Wednesday" he croons softly, getting increasingly louder.
"Clyde, you're up next" says Cartman loudly, annoyed at Randys singing for taking away from his very important process.
"And we'll never be royallls, royals, it don't run in our blood, that kind of luxe just ain't for us" Randy continues.
"This is stupid anyway. Stan I thought we were coming over to pre-drink for the party tonight" Clyde answers, bored.
Everyone goes quiet, Cartman getting ready to yell.
"Let me be your ruuuler, ruler" Randy belts, cutting through the silence and making me crack up laughing. They all turn to me at the sound.
"That's what Butters says when someone needs to measure something that's 3 inches" I quip.
Cartmans face changes. Kyle laughs.
"Okay Y/N that was almost funny. I guess you can have a trial to be Kennys replacement for a bit, even if you are a girl" Eric decides.
I get the impression he only settled for me in that moment as he felt the unwelcome presence growing from Stan, Token and Clyde. They've recently formed their own friendship group after Kyle and Cartman didn't show much interest in the constant partying. There's another silence.
"Let's go back to mine and play video games" says Cartman, decidedly.
"Nah Clyde, Token and I are gonna stay here" brushes off Stan.
"And I promised my parents I'd pick Ike up from school" says Kyle, voiced tinged with regret.
I can tell Eric is mad at them for not respecting his authority.
"Screw you guys, I'm going home. Come on Y/N" he says, turning sharply, and we walk off together, heading for his house.