old lovers hippie music

4. could you stop?

November 2013

A crush is an overwhelming, sometimes brief and sometimes long lasting infatuation for someone. The feeling you get in your chest that is like someone is squeezing your heart to the point where you feel like you're bursting just because you looked at that person, made eye contact with them.

A state of awe over the existence of someone so lovely and amazing that you can't quite believe they're real.

A crush is something so beautiful yet so tragic and cruel because you give that one person the key to your heart, the power over your feelings, the chance to rip you into pieces. You hand them your heart on an open plate, bowing down as you give them the opportunity to either protect it and fill it with love, or break it like an old wine glass.

If you even hand it to them, if you even tell them. And that is Louis' problem. Because he can't tell him. So he is alone with his squeezing heart and longing glances all the while Harry treats him like a brother.

And to make matters so much worse, Louis' crush on Harry only grows every single day over the years.

And it doesn't help at all that Harry decides he doesn't want to be cute and messy anymore so he just spontaneously becomes hot.

Like really hot.

When he's nineteen, Louis would respectfully describe him as "Sex on legs" although he never really has girlfriends. Or he doesn't tell Louis about them.

In contrast to being hot as hell, he looks adorable again when he's almost twenty, his hair a bit longer again but so different than how it was two years ago. It doesn't seem too big for his head anymore while it now falls over his ears in pretty curls, decorated with this bandana Louis gives him for Christmas. He gives him a whole collection and could swear Harry's eyes started actually sparking while he looked at them for the first time. After that, he says he feels like he's a motor biker and wears them all the time.

That way, Louis doesn't realize how long his hair grows, it already hides his ears. And it looks amazing and Louis could die. He does every day because Harry is his best friend.

Somehow, his eyes look even greener now, his cheeks are so soft, he always closes his eyes contently when Louis ruffles his curls, he's all cuddly all the time and his mouth is just perfect.

Louis hates being so in love with his best friend.

It is incredibly exhausting because his stomach explodes every time they touch. And they touch often because Harry is a very clingy person and he thinks of Louis as his brother. He still wears Louis' clothes all the time, even though he just grows and grows. He still sleeps in Louis bed or cuddles up into his side when they watch movies and Louis just prays that he doesn't hear his escalating heartbeat when he lays with his head on Louis' chest.

They do couple-y things. Boyfriend-y.

They always did. Go to the cinema together, share clothes, spend everyday a week together. Watch movies in Louis' bed and talk about everything while Louis watches Harry bake in the middle of the night when the house is silent and dark but Harry has a sudden urge to get into the kitchen and bake a cake. And Louis can never say no to him, ever.

One more problem is that Harry is really open in talking about stuff.

Stuff like the first time he has sex with a girl, which makes Louis want to throw up.

Or stuff like wanking.

He literally spends half an hour rambling about masturbation, thinking Louis is his best friend, straight vibes only. This was probably the most exhausting conversation of Louis' life and he's had a few bad ones. He just sat there, as far away from Harry as possible and listened, biting his lip in attempts of control over his body so hard it had been bleeding.