old lovers hippie music

7. don't take me to church

February 2014

The happiness and ignorance of the two week vacation ends as soon as it started.

The ride home is completely silent, only the radio an annoying background noise for their thoughts. Harry stares out of the window and Louis stares at the road ahead of him, the road that leads them back to their old life.

What are they going to do now? Will everything go back to the way it was before, as if all this didn't happen?

It did happen and it changed Louis. He is now certain that he is completely gay and that he is completely head over heels for Harry. He would do everything for him.

And he also slept with him, over twenty times and with that in mind he really can't act as if nothing happened. And he hopes that Harry can't do that either, he hopes that Harry can't act like they're still best friends, nothing more. Because that would mean that Harry actually didn't care about who it was.

Maybe he wanted to escape the bubble his parents created for him and now that he did that, he is satisfied. Louis is most certainly not satisfied. He wants so much more from Harry and he can't just pretend that he doesn't. After four years of holding his crush back, two weeks of showing it aren't enough.

But on the other hand, he doesn't know how to tell him that, has no idea how to put his thoughts into words.

So, as always, he will probably just go with what Harry does and then that is kind of it.

There are two options, Louis decides as they near London. The first would be that Harry forgets what happened and pretends it never did. The second would be that Harry doesn't forget it and they keep doing what they have been doing.

Turns out, Louis was wrong.

There are not only two options and the one Harry picks is worse than anything.

Harry just disappears.

For a month.

Louis parks the car in front of Harry's parents' house and they both get out of it, Harry pressing one, weirdly painful kiss to Louis' lips, before getting his bags out of the backseat and walking up to his front door without looking back.

Louis furrows his brows and has a very bad feeling in his stomach while he walks home.

And that feeling is right, because for the next four weeks, Louis calls Harry about a hundred times a day, every call going to answer machine after a few beeps, signalizing Louis that Harry put his phone in airplane mode or something. He texts Harry too many texts to be counted, each of them staying on delivered. He walks over to Harry's house twice a day and rings the bell for minutes, but the closed curtains and missing cars in the driveway indicate that absolutely no one is even in there. He even calls Harry's parents' business and asks the secretary if something happened, she only tells him that Mr and Mrs Styles went on spontaneous vacation.

Louis hates it.

He is miserable.

He plays card games with Daisy and Phoebe the whole day and cooks with his mum, trying to distract himself but none of that works. He can't sleep, worrying about Harry and wondering if something happened or if he did something wrong, wondering if he will ever see Harry again.

Louis doesn't think he is able to live without him, actually.

After four weeks of absolute misery, Louis' mother leaves for a weekend trip with all of his sisters. She booked it a while ago, as a Christmas present for them and Louis had thought he would spend the weekend with Harry at home, so she only booked for herself, Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe.