Notice Me

14

I stood in the front lawn of the party house, the world quiet to me as I focused on what was rushing through my head. Partly, Seren was the one rushing through it, but eventually my thoughts turned to ones of Henry.

More specifically, I was thinking more about the words that Holly had said to me. I thought of the person I was before Henry died, though frankly, that Zane wasn't much better than the Zane I was after he died.

The before Zane had been someone that knew no pain. No significant pain, anyway. I had never felt that world crushing grief, the heaviness that never lightens. I had been easy Zane then, but easy Zane... he was still an asshole.

I didn't see things the way I needed to see them, I didn't see people the way I should have seen them. I didn't see Holly, did I? Not in the sense I should have. I saw her as simple girl that I liked the fuck. I didn't see who she was as a person. I didn't see what was behind the blonde hair and the pretty face. If I had seen her before, I wouldn't have lead her on.

Or at least, I'd like to think so. I like to think I would have been able to do the right thing, but a part of me wondered how much seeing Seren's struggles had influenced my hopeful thinking.

Had I been the reason for an empty look in a girl's eyes? Had I been the guy who made her cry? Had I been the person to make another person feel worthless inside, thinking that I only wanted them for what was on the outside?

"Zane," Gavin's voice met me above the music that was leaking into the night air. "You good?"

I turned my head, just slightly to face the door. I wasn't surprised to see O and Cass right beside him. That was something I never needed to wonder about. The three of them would always be there for me, and I knew they would be there together.

"Yeah," I let out, though I knew by the concerned smiles on their faces that they didn't quite believe me. "Uh, you know I'm not really feeling this party tonight."

"Do I need to go beat up Holly?" Cassidy said quickly, bringing a genuine smile to my face. "What the hell did she say to you?"

I couldn't tell them what she really said, that she brought up Henry, because Cass might actually hit her.

"It's nothing serious, guys," I tried my best to reassure them. And, I wasn't quite lying. It wasn't that serious, but I wanted some time to figure out my thoughts.

"Are you sure?" O asked me, and they were all looking at me like they were worried about what my next actions would be.

"I'm sure," I smiled, "I just have some things to think about."

"Alright," Gavin shrugged, though he was still looking at me suspiciously. "You need us to come with you?"

"You guys enjoy the night," I flicked my head up as I said it, beginning to walk towards the sidewalk. "I love you guys, don't forget it."

The three of them watched me walk back towards Cassidy's house, and I wasn't shocked that they did. Ever since Henry died, all of us were on the alert for any off behaviour. Anything that would give us a clue that the nightmare would happen again.

I climbed into my car, which was still parked in Cassidy's driveway. Neither Gavin, Cass or O's families were as financially blessed as mine was, so we lived in different neighbourhoods. They all lived in the same suburb, the same one that Henry used to live in. Neither of us looked at that house when we drove by it, even though his parents had moved almost immediately after it happened.

There were too many memories there.

My parents lived in the same area that the kids of West Bridge lived, I'd known that for a while, they were hard to ignore with their fancy cars. Of course I realized I had more in common with them than my own friends, it didn't matter. The true relationships would never be there.