In The Bleak Midwinter | T Shelby

TWENTY ONE - FIRE

"Where have you been? You've been gone a while, you must be freezing."

Kaia was shivering when she walked back into the house, a bag of potatoes in her hand and a fake smile on her lips.

Her father took the bag from her and ushered her over to take a seat in front of the fire next to Bonnie who threw the end of his blanket over his sister's legs.

"You know what Mrs Finch is like," Kaia laughed lightly, "Couldn't get away from her, invited me in for a drink."

Neither of them asked her anymore questions and she happily nestled down beside the fire, her mind swirling with a million and one thoughts. She watched as the flames jumped in the fireplace, the wood crackling and hissing underneath and the flecks of black ash falling to the side. That was how she felt inside when she kissed Tommy, alive, just like the fire.

The family spent the rest of Christmas Day enjoying the meal Aberama cooked and singing along to music, accompanied with plenty of wine and whiskey. Kaia thought that Bonnie might've invited his girlfriend over for the day, but she was secretly glad that he hadn't. Christmas Day was one of the few days in the year that her, Aberama and Bonnie were all together, uninterrupted by the outside world.

She was happy, but she always felt an empty presence on that day, not being able to help but wonder what it would be like if her mother was still alive.

The three of them headed to bed in the early hours of the morning, well, Bonnie and Kaia did. Aberama had fallen asleep beside the fire a few hours prior and the siblings had been sat talking over a bottle of whiskey as their father slept.

Bonnie tucked his blanket over his father's body and slipped a pillow underneath his head before heading upstairs and saying goodnight to his sister, both of them retreating to their rooms.

Kaia climbed into bed and lay down, taking the letter that Calvin had written for her and holding it in her hands. It was a short, simple but sweet letter that said not much more than how much he adored her. It made her heart swell and her lips curve into a smile without even thinking about it, but it didn't make her feel like the fire.

Nothing, apart from Thomas Shelby, made her feel like that fire.

-

It was shortly after seven o'clock when Kaia was leaving work. It was December 27th and she had been working in the theatre since the early morning and had plans to catch the train straight down to London to see Calvin.

It was pitch black when she left the theatre, yellow fires burning in the street lamps and children running on the pavements leaving their small footprints in the snow, scarves trailing behind them as they ran.

Kaia was wearing her new red scarf from Bonnie and the lipstick that matched, the suit her father bought for her underneath a thick coat that reached just above her knees and a pair of heeled boots. Her mother's pearls were around her neck.

With her suitcase in hand, Kaia made her way through the centre of Birmingham towards the train station. She was tired, exhausted even, from the long day at work. Not only that, but she hadn't been able to think about anything apart from her kiss on Christmas Day. It shouldn't have happened, Kaia knew that. She'd done something so dreadful, so sinful and selfish that she could barely sleep with the thought of it consuming her from the inside out. It was torture, but as she searched for a feeling of redemption, she found no guilt anywhere inside of her.

"Kaia! Kaia wait!"

She heard her name being called as she walked down the steps to her platform in the train station. When she reached the bottom, she turned to look over her shoulder and saw Tommy stood at the top of the steps, his cap in his hand and a cigarette between his fingers that he immediately dropped and stamped out with his heel.

Kaia glanced to the side, looking out at the empty train tracks before her as Tommy ran down the stairs towards her.

"Where are you going?"

"Were you following me?"

"What?" He narrowed his eyes at her question.

"Were you following me, Tommy?"

He sighed and rolled his eyes dramatically before answering, "No. Your brother told me where you'd be."

Kaia scoffed and shook her head, angry at her brother.

"Look," she started, her eyes frequently glancing at the tracks to see if her train was approaching, "What happened the other day was, was..."

She couldn't finish her sentence and Tommy knew it.

"Was what? A mistake? Say it."

"It was a..." she trailed off again, avoiding looking into his eyes as she balled her fists tightly in anger at the feelings she had inside of her.

"You can't say it, can you?" He said in a hushed tone, "You can't say it was a mistake because you don't feel it was, do you?"

She didn't want to look at him but when he lifted her chin gently with his finger she had next to no choice. She felt her chest tighten and her body tense up when he touched her, his cold eyes making her freeze on the outside but her heart burn on the inside. It was confusing but oh so clear all at the same time.

"Tommy," she whispered, eventually finding the strength to look away and force him to lower his hand, "I have a boyfriend, I have Calvin."

He swallowed and licked his lips, drawing in a deep breath as he too began to glance at the train tracks every other second.

"Is it him that you want? You want him?"

"I-I- what?"

"Do you want to be with Calvin? Do you love him? Does he make you feel the way that I know I make you feel?"

"Thomas," she gasped, "How can you ask me that? What are you doing?"

He said nothing, only looked at her. He thought how beautiful she looked with the red scarf wrapped around her neck, perfectly matching with the red lipstick that stained her lips against her white skin, her dark hair framing her face perfectly against the black backdrop of the train platform.

The sound of the train pulled both their eyes to the tracks. Tommy felt his stomach sink and Kaia felt her heart start to beat faster. She looked at him and for the first time, she thought he looked scared.

His eyes were wide and his jaw was clenched but the blue wasn't anger, it was worry. He looked like a lost child, afraid and alone. He looked vulnerable and like he was on the verge of crying, the way his face held a stern gaze made her realise how hard he was trying to hold down the lump in his throat.

"Don't get on the train, Kaia."

"What?" She said, her gaze flickering between Tommy and the train that had now pulled in at the platform, everybody around them rushing to alight.

Tommy just shook his head slightly, letting out a huge breath and squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

"Please, Kaia," he said, grimacing to hold back the tears from falling as Kaia noticed the way his eyes had glossed over, "Stay here. Don't get on that fucking train."

an;;;
Aahhh poor Kaia what should she do??? she's so muddled :(
ALSO if there's any Sebastian Stan fans here check out my new fic featuring him, the first chapter is up on my page now!
-champagnepoetry-