In The Bleak Midwinter | T Shelby

THIRTY NINE - ADMITTING MISTAKES

Kaia and Tommy immediately pulled apart from their embrace when they heard footsteps making their way down the stairs. Kaia shuffled away from Thomas, standing over the box he'd given her with the string of pearls in her hands as her father walked through the door.

"I thought I heard voices," he smiled weakly, his weight resting on the cane he used to help him walk.

"Dad, look." Kaia beckoned her father over to her, turning the box around so he could take a look inside.

Thomas stayed still, his heart still thumping from the painfully close kiss that could've been, the adrenaline coursing through his veins making him sweat beneath his clothes, his body tense as he watched Aberama flick through the photo album.

"Thank you, Tommy. This means so much to our family." Aberama grinned and extended his hand to Thomas who gratefully shook it with a warm smile.

Clearly the cold, reserved personality trait ran through the family, Tommy realising he'd never seen Aberama Gold looking as happy as he did when he gazed down at a photograph of his late wife.

He flickered his glance to his daughter, "What happened between you two anyway? Nobody tells me anything around here, I'm just curious."

Tommy stood with his hands resting together behind his back, looking straight at Kaia who's eyes flashed with pain upon hearing her father's question. Neither of them wanted to recall what happened, it hurt Thomas as much as it hurt Kaia and both of them had done their best to forget about what once was, or at least they'd tried to.

Kaia opened her mouth to speak, but Tommy interrupted her, sighing loudly before speaking up.

"I messed up, I did something I shouldn't have."

Aberama stared at Tommy, both men remembering the conversation they'd had in their previous house. Aberama didn't like the fact his daughter had been hurt at the hands of anyone, let alone Thomas Shelby. He looked over at Kaia, seeing the way she was staring down at the pearls in her hands, avoiding the gaze of Thomas indefinitely.

"Kaia, would you give us a minute?"

"What?" She said, looking at her father with a raised eyebrow.

"Go on." He replied, nodding towards the door.

Kaia left with her head down, taking the box with her before closing the door on her way out. Aberama followed the sound of footsteps up the stairs and into the room above them with his eyes, all while Tommy stayed silent before him.

"Sit, please." He said, pulling out a chair for himself and gesturing for Tommy to sit down opposite him.

Aberama ran a hand through his hair, blowing out his cheeks with a heavy breath as he sat in thought, wondering how best to choose his words. As much as his thoughts had been with Bonnie over the past two months, praying for his son to make a full recovery, the way his daughter had withdrawn into herself hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Look, son. I don't particularly care to know the ins and outs of what you did, but man to man, I get that we fuck up sometimes."

"I know, and I never wanted to hurt her-"

Aberama raised a hand, silencing Thomas as he interrupted.

"I wasn't finished." He narrowed his eyes at Tommy who leant back in his chair, folding his arms at his chest, his lips tightly sealed.

Aberama stared, nodding once at Tommy across the table before continuing.

"The only regret I have from my life is not taking time to build a proper relationship with my daughter. After her mother passed away, I felt totally lost, I had no idea how I was going to raise two children alone. With Bonnie, it was easier, all I'd ever known was fighting and guns, boxing, it was simple with him. Kaia on the other hand," he paused and looked at the photograph of the four of them Kaia had left on the table, "I had no idea what I was doing and my wife wasn't around her long enough for me to learn."

Tommy swallowed as he listened to Aberama speak. He could hear the pain in his voice, knowing that he'd never said out loud the things he was telling Tommy, the admission resurfacing pain and regret that he'd lived with in silence for so long.

"I wasn't good enough to her, we never had that same bond that I have with Bonnie and it's an awful thing to live with, an awful, awful thing. It didn't seem to bother her growing up, she was always a strong, independent, fierce little thing and I was so proud of her, I never once worried about her."

Tommy kept his eyes on Aberama as he spoke, the long pauses allowing him to collect his thoughts before his emotions got the better of him, noticing the way his eyes glossed over every few seconds.

"Bonnie had girlfriends here and there, but Kaia never connected with anybody, never loved anybody. She has a bond with Bonnie, and thank God she does, but they forged that on their own as brother and sister. She was never taught that anybody could love her because I never made the effort, I think that's why she's so closed off, so unwilling to let anybody in. But then she met you."

Tommy drew in a deep breath, not wanting to hear the rest of what Aberama had to say.

"You know son, I never really liked you, ever," Aberama said, tilting his head to the side and pointing his finger across the table at Tommy, "But when she told me that she wanted you, to be with you, I knew I had to be open to changing my opinion, because there was no way in Hell my daughter would let just anybody into her life. There had to be something about you, something different that showed her she'd be safe to let you in, you understand what I'm saying?"

Thomas nodded, staying quiet.

"So for her to do that, for her to trust you when she's never trusted anybody before, was a huge thing. And whatever you fucking did, just know that however bad you think she feels, in reality, it's a thousand times worse. She's completely broken inside, I've never seen her as quiet as she is now, as tired and drained, there's no glow in her eyes, she never smiles anymore, it's like she's become a ghost, Thomas, fuck."

Aberama pulled his away away from Tommy, looking to the side with gritted teeth and his eyes full of tears. His heart was breaking as he finally said everything he'd kept inside since Kaia's mother died. He knew he wasn't a good enough father to her but he'd never expected the repercussions of his actions to end up breaking his own daughter's heart as deeply as it had. She'd never had the proper love a daughter should've had from a father and now, Aberama feared that she'd convinced herself nobody could ever love her after the way Thomas had treated her. After all, if a father couldn't love his child, who could?

"Mr Gold," Tommy said calmly, leaning forward with his arms resting on the table, "I'm in love with Kaia. I made a mistake, an awful, terrible mistake, and not a day goes by where it doesn't eat me alive. But I'd do anything for her, I don't know what more I can say, it's her. For me, she is everything."

Aberama pursed his lips as he listened to Tommy, blinking back the tears in his eyes after some had trickled down his cheeks.

"She doesn't deserve to be treated like that, Thomas. I've let her down enough in her life, she doesn't need that from anybody else, do you understand?"

Aberama Gold knew that the man sat across his dining table was in love with his daughter. He'd known Thomas Shelby for longer than he could remember and he knew that the man was a loose cannon, not caring for any woman or her feelings, everybody in Small Heath knew that. Thomas didn't chase women, nor did he beg for their forgiveness on their doorsteps and give his own life in place of her family's.

Tommy nodded again, "I love her, Mr Gold." His voice broke as he spoke and his eyes grew blurry, taking in a deep breath as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat, "I want to give her everything, I want to take care of her and show her that she is worthy of being loved, that she deserves everything that's pure and good in this world."

Aberama didn't think he'd ever seen Thomas cry in his life, and Thomas wasn't sure that he'd ever cried before either, at least not in front of anybody else.

"I know she loves you son," Aberama said, giving Tommy a small smile as he wiped his eyes with his fingertips, "You might've made a mistake, but I know that you're made for her. It'll take time and she'll need reassurance, but she'll come round. I see the way she looks at you, kid, we can all see it. I want you to give her the love that I should've given her, can you do that?"

"I'll give her everything and more, Mr Gold."