In The Bleak Midwinter | T Shelby

THIRTY - A VISIT

Two days had passed since anybody in Small Heath had set eyes on Finn Shelby.

Panic was an understatement, it wasn't in the young boy's character to disappear, he knew better than to run off without telling anybody and he especially knew better than to not come back if he did so.

The nights were long and cold in winter and over the span of those forty-eight hours, it felt like two years had passed by, each second growing more agonisingly painful than the last as the lack of good news continued.

Thomas was drenched in regret at his actions towards Lizzie, the sudden drop of his guard and his conscience, his sense of wrong and right had faltered at the one time he never wanted it to. He had nobody to blame but himself, the thought of watching the life fall away from behind Kaia's eyes when she found out was almost causing enough pain inside his chest to end his life.

He still hadn't gone out to see the Gold family. John was heading out there early that morning to see if they knew anything about Finn's whereabouts. It was a long shot, with them being so disassociated from Small Heath at that point, but they had no other leads.

Kaia wasn't sure what time it was when she heard the sound of another voice outside the caravan. Bonnie and Aberama had been outside by the fire for the past couple of hours trying to keep warm, but Kaia was so cold she could barely move a muscle and so, she stayed wrapped inside in a blanket, staring at the photograph of Thomas she kept by the space where she slept.

"John, it's good to see you."

Kaia's attention perked when she heard her father speak John's name. Fighting the seizing of her muscles, she pulled herself up and wrapped the blanket around herself tighter, braving the cold as she stepped outside into the frosty air for the first time that day.

The way John's face fell the moment he locked eyes with Kaia immediately told her that he wasn't there to deliver good news. John usually had a smile on his face, his laughter ringing louder than any of his brothers' and his eyes glowing with a happiness that most members of the Shelby family didn't have. John was different to the rest of his family, in a good way, only that morning, he looked just as solemn as the rest of them.

"Hello, John." Kaia spoke as she slowly made her way down the steps and walked over to the fire.

"Morning, Kaia. I've brought more blankets, you won't have to sleep in the cold for much longer."

His smile was there but it was weak, a false sense of security that Kaia could see straight through.

"What's happened?" She asked, her face blank.

John swallowed hard, squeezing his hands into fists slowly as he wondered whether to tell her about what he'd caught Tommy doing. It wasn't his place, but he could sense that she somehow already knew he was there to deliver bad news instead of good.

"Finn is missing," he walked over to the horse he'd ridden and began unpacking bags containing blankets and food, "Have you heard anything? Seen anyone?"

Aberama drew in a sharp breath as Bonnie and Kaia exchanged glances between themselves, none of them wanting to tell John what had happened to Tommy's horse.

"Look, I don't want to have to tell you this but-"

"Tommy's horse is dead. Her throat was slit." Kaia interrupted her father, kicking the dirt beneath her feet as she spoke.

John stood still, his mouth open but his lips frozen.

"We think it might've been the same people that have Finn. If it's not, I couldn't even take another guess at who has the boy. It has to be the Italians." Aberama said.

Kaia could sense John's worry growing, the way he chewed on the pick between his lips and scratched at his nails, his chest rising and falling a lot faster than it had when he first arrived. She understood, of course she did, there had been countless hours and days that she'd sat and waited for her father and brother to return home without the help of anyone to bring them back to her, but they had always come back. This time, she knew that the outcome had the potential to be tragically different.

John stayed a while longer, talking with Bonnie and Aberama beside the fire. Kaia listened for a few minutes but the mention of Tommy made her heart begin to hurt, and so she retreated back inside the caravan, taking one of the blankets John had brought with her.

She lay, listening to the wind whistling through the trees, almost loud enough to drown out the three voices coming from outside. That year, it seemed like winter had lasted a lifetime. A long, painful lifetime.

It wasn't long before John knocked lightly on the caravan door, letting himself in and closing the door behind him. He sat on the floor opposite Kaia, his eyes falling upon the photograph of his brother that she was staring so longingly at.

The breath he drew in was loud enough to pull Kaia's eyes away from the photograph to look at him.

"What else has happened? I know that there's something else, the tension never left your face."

John was shocked at how easily Kaia could read him. He'd always thought of himself as a closed book, and perhaps he was, but he happened to be the kind that Kaia could read without trouble.

He froze. His mind was telling him that this was not his truth to tell, that these words should come from nobody but Thomas, only the way Kaia was looking at him with tired, exhausted eyes tugged on the strings of his heart just enough to sway him.

"You sure you want me to tell you?"

Kaia sighed, nodding as she stole a glance at Tommy's photo again before turning her full attention to John.

"It's Tommy and Lizzie, I saw them-"

"That's enough." Kaia said, pulling her gaze away from John as all of a sudden, he reminded her far too much of Tommy for her to be looking at him saying these words.

"It was just a kiss, that's all I saw, anyway."

The way John's voice made Kaia feel was as if every word was a freshly sharpened knife piercing her skin over and over again, re-opening wounds she'd taken so long to heal over with trust and now even love, only for the same hand that healed them to bruise her again.

She expected to feel sick to the stomach, like she couldn't see, speak or even think clearly about anything, but all she felt was numb. John's words hurt her, but the wall had gone up almost instantaneously and so Kaia had managed to block out the pain before it truly hit. What he had told her was a fact, just a sentence, nothing more, nothing less.

Kaia thought perhaps her heart would break another day.

"Kaia, say something..." John whispered, his eyes warm and full of sorrow. She knew Tommy's would be the same had he been the one sat before her at that moment.

"What can we do to help find Finn?"