All I Never Had

Chapter Thirty Eight

Wes ~

My house was full of people and it was well after midnight, but I was fucking miserable.

It had been five days since I'd seen Gracie but it may as well have been five months. We had texted a few times, but she kept things brief and surface level.

I could see the writing on the wall, she was keeping me at arms length - pushing me away until she could muster the courage to leave me for good. It was obvious and it gutted me.

The chair I was sitting it was uncomfortable and I glared at the crowd of drunken strangers who were having the time of their lives in my living room. My feet were planted firmly on the ground but my legs were stretched out as I leaned back against the chair, sipping my tenth beer with an unamused expression on my face.

Fuck these people.

My daily routine has become toxic and unhealthy but it was my way of coping - of bracing myself for the inevitable. I drank all night and spent every waking second at the gym, sweating and fighting out every toxin from my body only to do it again the next day. I hadn't gone to class, I hadn't been sleeping l well. I was a fucking mess.

Blake pulled a folding chair over and sat down with a thud, pulling my attention away from my beer.

"Still haven't talked to her?" He asked.

"Nope." I said coldly, before tilting the bottle back and draining the contents in a matter of seconds.

"So you're just gonna drink yourself to death?" Blake chuckled.

"That's the plan for now, unless you got a better one."

Letting out a sigh, Blake reached out and gave my shoulder an endearing squeeze.

"The girls are in your corner, bud. That's gotta give you a little hope."

Considering his words, I had to admit that did give me a glimmer of hope in such a dark predicament, but it was starting to seem like it wasn't going to be enough.

"That's just it man. I'm starting to understand that it doesn't matter who is trying to convince her...she's done being convinced of things. She's going to make her own decision and I'm starting to realize that she's not going to choose me. She's going to play it safe out of self preservation."

My own words tore at my heart and my head swiveled for the nearest cooler, settling on one that was on the kitchen counter.

"I hope you're wrong." Blake added as I stood to get another beer.

"Yeah me too."

But I'm not. I know my girl. She's been through so much shit. She's gonna run to try and protect herself.

People instinctively moved out of my way as I walked toward my kitchen. I wasn't sure if it was my angry expression or my size, maybe both, but I didn't give a shit about being a good host at the moment.

Grabbing a beer from the cooler, I popped the lid off against the counter with my hand and tossed it toward the trash, but missed.

The bottle cap rolled to a stop next to someone's shoe and I turned over my shoulder and whistled to get the dudes attention.

"Little help." I muttered, letting my eyes travel down to the bottle cap against his shoe.

The guy gave me a go-to-hell look before turning his back to me in order to carry on his conversation.

Well that's a fucking mistake.

The anger I was harboring was so close to the surface, it didn't take much for it to bubble over and my feet started moving before I could reason with myself.