Ruination

14. Bonding With His Son

-Extreme emotions were always my downfall-

Sila

Warm eyes, sweetest smiles...such a beautiful gift. 

My feet had rushed away and sunk down on the floor in sheer misery.

I had lost. I had lost myself.  

Speechless, wordless...when it all started, I had no clue. I had no idea where I could cry, grieve or hide. A shattering heartbreak, it hurt...it hurt so much. 

How did I allow myself to break so easily? 

How did I give one person to hurt me this much?

Struck by a storm yet still standing and watching it destroy me. There was a sensation of shock, utter emotion of loss. Everything seemed hard now, draining...

There was also a sense of dejection, suffocation. I had no reason to complain, to blame because I had allowed this to happen to me. I had allowed myself to get crushed over and over again by a dream. I had seen people get cured by love, heard such great love stories, yet the only thing 'love' ever did to me was break me. 

I had seen finest tales, dreamt fine stories, yet here I was...alone, while the person who had once owned my heart had his heart filled with the warmth of his adorable son, a possible family. It hurt. It hurt so much. There were just so many thoughts. 

Did he have a wife when conning me?

Was he madly heads or heels for someone?

Did he actually have a heart that loved yet didn't melt for me?

The blew to my self-esteem was just huge. He had used me. He had fooled me! There was a part of me that used to see Eliyas as just a cruel man, but now knowing that he did know how to love just made me feel like a failure.

I had been so naively swayed by the cliche of a street biker turning good for the shy introvert.

This man was simply not interested. 

It was appalling to think that men with families could hurt others so brutally. 

Eliyas just saw me as an opportunity. 

I didn't get kicked from my new job, instead, I was made to stay and watch the horrible antics of my husband. Eliyas had tried his best to get me removed, kicked to the curb, but the institute resisted against such a demand. They claimed that I would be appointed to another section of the daycare and won't be allowed near Nabeel. 

It was a bluff. 

Eliyas threw the worst accusations in my direction, claimed that he won't allow a girl from some unknown background to be near his son, would soon move his baby to a better institute, but the institute decided to favour me. The shell of me was 'supposedly' offered some sympathy, but crushing reality struck when I realized why such a privilege was offered; the institute needed cheap labour. 

It was a rollout of pain; strick three striking me so many times. 

I had been given a minute-size room to stay in, there had been no real discussion about payment in solid numbers, and I was offered saline water. Fool, that was my new vibe. People just saw me as a fool now. Nora, she had seen my vulnerable side as an opportunity and struck, yet this time I did not mind being a fool.  

Eliyas was making me feel resilient with the chance of working as a bought slave.

Every time, I felt like he had stooped to his lowest level, he would do more. There was a notion of a heartwrenching cry echoing inside of me, yet I couldn't utter a peep. All my dreams had been crushed and spewed right in front of me.