In Which He's Her Outlet

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My heart skips a beat when Jace enters the classroom in his usual hoodie and glasses. Still handsome if you gaze at him longer. Our eyes connect and he smiles but before I could smile back, he averts his gaze quickly. A pang of hurt crosses my face, making me look at the Statistics book on my desk. What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel this way. We're not in a relationship — two out-of-this-world fucks and that's it. I should not expect more.

After losing my virginity, I contacted him again when Archer told me that his parents might divorce soon. Jace has become my outlet and he never complains nor turns me down. The second time was a blast, a bit wilder than the first one. I clench my thighs and take a deep breath. Just thinking about it turns me on and I am ashamed to crave for him even if there aren't any negative emotions. My phone buzzes so I fish it out from my bag.

JV: Smile Eloise. :-) You know the drill.

I glance at him and smile. Even if he isn't looking at me, I know he sees it when his mouth moves up. My heart warms up and the smile has been plastered on my face the entire lecture hours. Once it's over, I quickly grab my things to leave and pass by his desk where he's still putting his stuff in his backpack.

"Bye Jace." I whisper softly, just enough for his ears and saunter towards the door. But before I can reach it, someone in a rush brushes his arm on me, creating a static electricity. As soon as I touch my arm, Jace's back appears in front of me and all I can do is watch him walk away. A smirk forms in my lips at the thought that he did it intentionally.

"No one pours the burden to her," says Selena, breaking my reverie.

"His crush flirts with him," says Archer, making me look at him.

"Gotcha! Who is it?" I am startled when he jumps in front of me.

"I won't tell you." I walk and they are hot on my heels.

"You know very well that she won't admit it," Selena giggles, making me stop and turn to look at her.

She's glowing.

"And someone has gotten laid," I say.

She blushes.

"O M G. You and Finn finally did it!"

"Hey, I love him so of course we'll do it. How about you? Who's the guy you're screwing?"

I gasp. I am caught off guard.

"Do you think we didn't notice? We found you lost in a daydream, smiling and blushing, sometimes fanning your face."

"Bye girls. I don't want to hear the details," says Archer, wrinkling his nose.

"So who's the lucky guy?" asks Selena as soon as Archer leaves.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready. Is that okay? Don't worry he's a great guy."

"With a great dick?"

My cheeks heat-up and I hit her arm. "When did you become so bold? Oh yeah, since Finn."

She chuckles. We move to talk about wholesome topics and I'm glad she doesn't force me to talk about Jace and I.

🧽

I am sitting on one of the benches under a tree doing my homework in Chemistry when a familiar figure appears in my peripheral view and catches my attention. Jace is walking with a girl beside him. I glance at them, realizing that the girl is someone I don't know. Long curly dark blonde hair with an angelic face, fair skin and only 1-2 inches shorter than Jace. They are talking and smiling at each other. I feel a stabbing pain in my heart. Am I jealous? No. I am not.

"Eloise, can I talk to you?"

An angelic feminine voice stops me from sending daggers to the pair who just passed by. Funny to imagine that the girl with Jace is speaking to me. Silly me.

"Hey, Kayla. Of course." She's not my classmate but I know her through Archer. "Sit down."

She sits in front of me and plays with the ends of her long straight blonde hair. She's nervous. I wait for her to talk but all she does is to look at me, then, open and close her mouth. No words come out. As much as I want to be patient, it's getting awkward so I reach for her hands and fix my gaze to her baby blue eyes.

"Tell me."

"Uhm, I-is it r-rape if I didn't say y-yes?" She stumbles over her words.

I suck in my breath. "What do you mean?"

She looks down. "I had sex with someone but as far as I remember I didn't agree to it."

"O M G! Did he force you?"

"No," she says softly. "I was drunk and horny, then, the next thing I knew we were already on the bed and screwing."

"Ohmy Kayla. I'm sorry to hear that. Do you feel in any way that he had violated you?"

"I don't know. I hate that guy but to be honest I like the sex. It's just that if I'm not drunk, maybe I will not do it with him. He flirted with me before and I rejected him."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to know if it can be considered as rape?"

"I think if the guy didn't hear a yes, it means there is no consent. Will you file a legal case?"

"I don't know. I really don't know." A tear runs down her cheek and she quickly wipes it.

"How about you talk to him? I think that's the best way — to know his side before you decide on what to do."

"Thanks Eloise. You're the best." She stands to hug me and I hug her back.

"Expect him to deny it. But I think if you feel violated, you can always file a complaint."

She nods.

"Sorry, I have to go Kayla." I gather my stuff and smile at her that doesn't reach my heart.

"Thank you," she says and waves her hand.

As always, I feel like I am the one who has been in her position. I check my watch and I have only one subject left. I need Jace.

Me: Can I come over later?

Five minutes. Fifteen. Twenty. One hour. I give up waiting for his text. Jace is busy. Thinking that he's busy with that girl adds more weight to the already heavy feelings. As soon as my last class ends, I rush towards the music room which I haven't visited for a few weeks.

I grab the electric guitar and play 'In Bloom by Nirvana' and get lost in it. I feel a bit better but not enough. I sit in front of the piano and start playing 'High Hopes by Panic At The Disco', closing my eyes as my fingers rake across the keys. I let my emotions flow out of my heart and after the last song, 'Live and Let Die by Guns n Roses', I'm already feeling refreshed.

I smile and decide to do my homework inside the music room, playing the Dance Pop Hits playlist on Spotify. Suddenly, Jace crosses my mind and seeing that there is no incoming message makes me sad again. I stand and start to sway my hips and let the music comfort me once again.

I don't know how long I am dancing until Jace leaning on the doorframe catches my attention. I get dizzy as I abruptly stop, making me hold on to the cymbals of the hi-hat.

###
What can you say about their setup?
Classmates with benefits?

What do you think will happen next?

Let me know in the comments. Please vote if you like this.

Thank you.

:-) Alya :-)

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