Love you better

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*This song was stuck in my head while writing this and it goes so well with it.

Autumn~

Wednesday

November  23rd

9:30 am

I played Nat King Cole lowly on my stereos I was starting to love music from the 50s-60s

I grabbed my cup of coffee and sat down at the dining room table my head was spinning making my stomach churn I felt my dinner coming up I ran to the bathroom

I held my hair as I threw up in the toilet another day of throwing up I think I'm sick...

I probably just ate something bad I thought to myself as I brushed my teeth I felt so weird today and I don't even know why... I'm just so down and gloomy

I walked back to the dining room rubbing my temples

"Come on you got two days left of this week girl you got this," I said to myself

I opened my laptop and looked at the date and it brought tears to my eyes

Today was Lucas's death anniversary we would have a cake and go visit his grave

I looked up his name on google and his courtroom pictures showed up

I cried he was so young I wouldn't ever wish this on anyone although he was abusive and manipulative he was a good person before then he wasn't always this way but I would never forgive him for what he put me through

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I cried he was so young I wouldn't ever wish this on anyone although he was abusive and manipulative he was a good person before then he wasn't always this way but I would never forgive him for what he put me through...

I looked at the rest of the pictures articles the were about me and him about our kids...

I heard a knock on the door I turned around furrowing my eyebrows

"I'm coming," I said looking through the peephole it was Roman

I wiped my face and unlocked the door

"Hey honey" He cheesed

"Hey papa what you doing here" I kissed him he had bags of groceries in his hands I grabbed some of them from him

"Nothing just decided to stop by to see how you were doing" His eyes drifted to my computer

I looked at it, it was still a picture of Lucas up on the screen

I shut it and sat down at the table rubbing my temples

"How are you doing?" He asked sincerely

"Honestly, horrible," I said truthfully

"I've had a headache all day and I've been throwing up a lot I think I got something from what I ate" I sighed opening a Twix bar

I opened it roughly with my mouth-watering I picked up the Twix and it slipped right through my fingers

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