Four Weekends & a Photograph (WAYHAUGHT)

Chapter 20

Our day of celebration was turned into a day of mourning. Those who remained at Wallop offered their condolences, everyone rallying to prepare food and take the pressure off my parents. They returned that evening, both looking exhausted, Pops hugging me, the only time I think I'd seen him cry. He said he was glad I was with Nanna when she passed away. He said nothing of my discussion with Mops that morning, and neither did I, the moment gone.

There was an emptiness in the house, Nanna's presence missed already, her slippers waiting for her by the fire. No one dared move them. I couldn't stop crying, my eyes bloodshot and sore from the salty water which flowed in an unending stream down my face. Nicole retreated into herself, quieter than usual, holding my hand, offering hankies whenever needed, which was pretty much all the time. It was gone midnight before we finally headed upstairs. "Stay with me. I don't think I can be alone tonight."

"Let me grab a few things from my room," Nicole replied. "We'll get through this, okay."

She was gone only a few minutes, but by the time Nicole returned I was a blubbering mess again. We spent the night in each other's arms, Nicole telling me about her childhood in California, about her desire to be a skateboard champion until she realised she was lousy at it. She told me about the very last time she got on one, how she fell and ended up with a scar on her back.

"So that's where you got it."

"Yeah. I'll show you how bad I am one day. We'll hit a skate park and I'll teach you."

"Oh, I don't think so. I'm so not athletic. Chrissy is. She made the team."

"Chrissy?"

"She was fitter in school. Less, you know." My hands unconsciously made the rounded shape of Chrissy's body.

"We can still go to London, after tomorrow, as we planned. Meet up with Chrissy for the New Year."

"I don't know. I'm wanted here."

She smiled. "Then, we stay here. I can ask Randy for a few extra days, if you want me."

I held her close, closer than I've ever held anyone, and suddenly she was inside me. Not like that. Honestly. She was inside my heart, the closest I'd ever let anyone be to me, and I never wanted to let her go. "I love you," was all I could say.

"Hey, me too. Hey, hey, dry those pretty eyes of yours. Waves, I love you. I'm here for you, okay."

I pushed her away, sitting up, staring down as if seeing her for the first time in my life. "You don't understand. I love you. I really, really love you."

She joined me, studying my face, her own a mix of surprise and shock. "It's late. We'd better get some sleep."

"I've never felt this way about anyone. Nanna was right. You have to love fearlessly. You have to go after what you love, or it might be taken from you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"She said you reminded her of her own love story. The one that could have been."

"Okay."

"She said life isn't kind. That we need to love with all our heart, while we can."

"Your Nanna was a wise woman."

"I don't want anyone else."

"Good to know."

"Nicole, listen to me. I don't want anyone else."

"Okay."

"I know what I want. For once in my life, I actually know what I want. Oh, my God, I know."