Love & Serenity

Chapter 39

All his life, well most of it, especially ever since his grams passed, he'd avoided paparazzi and most especially journalists who wanted to get the biggest story of their career; where the Jackson Hill was and why he had gone AWOL.

He'd done everything he could to stay off the grid for five years and here he was, with the worst of the worst. He'd trusted her and there she was using him all for the sake of a book. A book that answered all the questions of anything relating to him and a deep dive into his personal life.

Lillian stood there in a simple black dress that stopped a few inches above her knee. She was smiling when she came down but frowned when Jax turned to look at her.
"Jax, is everything alright?" Lillian took a few steps towards him.

He got up from where he was seated, avoiding her piercing gaze.
"Was any of it real?"

Lillian stood there, confused.
"What are you talking about?"

"Any of this, was it real?" Jax looked at her.

"Any of what?" Lillian asked with a little laugh of hysterics.

She was honestly lost and had no idea what he was talking about.

"You and me, dammit!" Jax snapped and it made her jump.

They looked at each other, Jax out of his mind with rage and Lillian wondering who he was. She hadn't seen this side of him. Ever.

"W-what do you mean was it real?" She asked, her heart in her throat, "Of course it was, why would you even ask that?"

"Oh, I don't know, why don't you tell me." He said, "It's all right here anyway."

Jax lifted her notepad.
"And according to the voicemail you just got, you've got an entire book."

Lillian's heart pounded in her chest as she swallowed,
"I was going to tell you."

"Were you really?"

"I was." She said, "I just wanted to finish it."

"And take off."

Lillian frowned,
"No. Never." She took a step towards him, "Jax, I'm a writer yes but, I could never publish this without asking for your blessing."

Jax was in a bind. He wanted to believe her and the other part of him didn't want to not for the sake of ruining what he'd built in the past five years.
"You're a writer alright." Jax said as he slammed the notepad on the island, "And a damned good actress."

Jax walked towards her and then passed her leaving her shocked. Lillian turned around to look at him.
"Jax."

He didn't answer.

"Jax!"

He stopped in front of the door with his hand on the knob.

"I don't know what's going on right now." She swallowed the lump in her throat, "And I don't understand anything that just happened, so please, talk to me."

"You'd like me to talk some more, wouldn't you?"

Her frown got deeper and her heart felt like it would be ripped out of her chest and it did, the second he walked out and slammed the door.

Lillian stood there for a long while, hyperventilating as she waded the tears that threatened to spill every second away. She had been rejected as a child more than a handful of times by families and she remembered what that pain felt like, she'd cried her eyes out when everyone had gone to sleep so no one would hear her. But this, this felt a hundred times worse and she mentally yelled at herself not to cry. Not for him, not for anyone else.

Her vision blurred as she stared at the door he'd walked out of almost five minutes ago.

She wasn't going to cry.

She wasn't going to cry.

She wasn't going to cry.

She needed the one person who was always by her side. The one person who she could run to and would never abandon her regardless of what she did.

"God..." She called out and fell on her knees sobbing.

Lillian had no idea how long she sat there on the floor, but when her sobs downed to a stabbing pain in her chest and pronounced sniffles, she frowned at her state and then got up from the floor wiping her face dry.

She walked out of the cabin and made her way down the stairs towards the beach and walked down to his place. She got there and Otto met her at the door barking. She knocked and called out his name.

"Jax." She called, "Jax, please open up, we need to talk."

Jax sat on the floor, his back against the doorpost leading to his room as he listened to Otto bark and Lillian call his name. His sight was blurring up and a part of him wanted to get up and let her in but the other part didn't want to hear anything she had to say and that was the part that dominated him because he was scared of letting her in and finding out that everything he'd just found out was true. He preferred to be in the dark thinking she betrayed him and hoping she didn't than having to fully get a confirmation from her that she did.

But what if none of it was anything he was dreading? What if she didn't betray him?

No! There was a lot she'd done without his knowledge like she was actually hiding it from him.

But she said she was going to tell him?

How could he believe that? She could have lied about wanting to tell him only because he found out.

Plus, she never disclosed what she did for a living. Ever. She always walked around it and never gave a distinct answer.

Why would she hide that?

The only reason he could think of was she wanted to get close to him and get as much information as she could out of him while she wrote the story.

But the Lillian he knew and what he'd found out tonight didn't seem like something she would do.

As he mentioned earlier, she was a damned good actress.

Lillian banged on the door and called out his name begging him to open the door as her voice trembled with each second that passed, another sob bubbling up even though she was trying so hard to push it down but the lump in her throat was getting bigger and tighter. When her throat got so tight, she fell on her knees on the porch sobbing all over again.

"Jax," She hiccupped. "Please."

Jax shut his eyes and the tears he'd been holding back fell.