I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts)

Chapter 1

Louis was early, for once in his life.

His steps were almost careful, as if he was entering some kind of holy sanctuary instead of the dimly lit and musty smelling locker rooms of the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. Although, to him, this certainly was some kind of sacred place.

He never thought he'd actually end up here.

As the door fell shut behind him and he walked further into the room he realised he was the only one around. He used the opportunity and let his curious gaze wander — over high metal lockers and simple, sturdy wooden benches cramped into the rather narrow space, and across a doorway to his right that probably led to the showers.

It wasn't surprising that he was alone, really, since there were nearly thirty minutes left until the first practice of the term would commence and he figured most of the boys would only turn up shortly beforehand. He, though, he wanted to savour this for longer than a few minutes.

His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. This was so incredible! He was barely able to contain his excited smile as he took a seat on one of the benches near him, closing his eyes in the process.

This had been his fucking dream for years! A dream that had always been unreachable and still technically was. To be here now, to actually have a place on this phenomenal team — it was akin to a miracle.

And so what if he lied and faked his way in? He deserved this, he knew he did! And he wasn't going to accept being told otherwise just because he was born a fucking Omega. Yes, that might be his gender, his status, but it didn't define him. He refused to be content with a position and, most probably, the captain badge in an Omega team when he could do so much better, when he could do so much more, could go so much farther. He belonged into this team, he was good enough, he was fantastic, even. And it was the truth, too, because otherwise he'd never have been picked for the Manchester University A-B team in the first place and he certainly wouldn't have been offered a scholarship along with it.

It had been tricky, of course. Louis had broken a handful of rules and probably even laws on his way here, but to him it would always be fucking worth it. He would fake the gender certificate of his GP again if it came down to it, god damn it!

It was irrelevant now, anyway, he thought with a grim smile settling on his lips. He was here, and he was here to stay.

+++

Louis had first touched a football when he was four years old, an overly active child almost always on the way to land himself in trouble even then. His stepdad had taken him to the backyard one late summer afternoon, probably in the hope of distracting him from destroying the living room, in the hope of tiring him out, and set a cheap, worn ball in front of his feet. Louis had kicked it, hard and straight, and that had been it, basically — Louis was a goner.

His dreams had always been big and he had never made a secret out of them. He wanted to go far and as the years went by he slowly, but surely developed into one of the most promising young players in his county, Yorkshire, and then, the whole north of England, too. There were other great players around, of course, but Louis had been a popular name as a forward in the junior leagues ever since he turned eleven.

Of course, everything just had been to good to be true.

It was shortly after his fourteenth birthday, on a grey, rainy January morning, that he woke up feeling feverish and sweaty all over, with a sticky wetness between his legs that could really only be interpreted in one way. His world crumbled in a heap of ashes and smoke in a matter of seconds as he came to realise what exactly was happening to him. His mum had found him eventually, crying and sobbing into his pillows, and the only thing he remembered clearly of that day now was how he had told her he wanted to die.