I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts)

Chapter 10

The weather was turning properly fall-like after their weekend in Wolverhampton, the end of November so bleak and grey and rainy that it left Louis listless and gloomy. It didn't help that he was swamped in work, finally having realised that midterms were actual things that needed preparation and work. With football practice every afternoon Louis understood now how students found it in them to drop out of their sport teams or afternoon activities and clubs just to properly focus on their studies — to say he was overwhelmed with all the shit he had to get done would be a bit of an understatement. Nevertheless, the thought of quitting the football team never once seriously crossed his mind. After all, he wasn't just here to study and have a bit of fun playing football in his free time. He was here to play football first and foremost, his studies more of a necessary precaution than anything else.

As he was bend over his history text book, jotting down and memorising important dates concerning the French Revolution, all Louis could think about was Christmas break. A silver lining! He was exhausted and he missed his mum's home cooked food and, surprisingly, even his kind-of-annoying sisters. And Ernest, of course, Ernest always. That wasn't a surprise. Ernest was his little lad. He just couldn't wait to spent lazy afternoons on his mum's couch, having tea and eating biscuits while the fireplace in the living room warmed his cold toes.

The one thing he didn't look forward to was his birthday, but that would be over in a blink and anyway, it was always overshadowed by the spirit of Christmas in the air (however much his mum tried to make it not so). Maybe that was the reason he didn't enjoy it, but the thought of growing older wasn't exactly appealing to him either. Now that he knew what living on his own was like, what organising his own life meant, he wasn't all too keen on becoming a real, proper adult with a real, proper job and real, proper things to take care of every month — like paying bills, and insurances, and mortgage and staying on top of it all, too.

Apart from Niall, who came by his dorm room regularly to spent some hours relaxing from the bothersome horror that was learning for exams, Louis didn't see much of his team mates outside of practice. There was no time for parties or pub nights now that real student life was out to get them. Louis had noticed the stress radiating off some of the boys during their practice games, and how they got more easily angered and more prone to hostility as a result. Louis hated that, because whenever a fight would break out between any two boys and there was yelling and growling involved, his Omega would cower away, desperate for peace and fearful of getting targeted himself. Whenever there was a dispute he needed to take care of his shaking hands and stuff them in his pockets in a way that wasn't too obvious, all the while afraid that a traitorous sound would slip past his lips.

Louis needed a break from all of that. What he also needed a break from was Harry. Stupid Harry! If Louis had held any hopes that their relationship would stabilise to something one might call a friendly acquaintanceship after the weekend in Wolverhampton and the awkward talk in the elevator, he was dead wrong. While Harry was perfectly friendly and polite whenever there was interaction between the two of them now, Louis just felt like running to the ends of the earth to escape his charm and wit and belly-rumbling laugh that sometimes occurred when Louis would say something in that thoughtlessly sassy way of his that Harry had previously claimed to despise, but now seemed to actually enjoy. Harry appeared to be all ready for that friendship to start, but Louis felt like loosing his mind over it. He almost wished that mean, obstinate and arrogantly aloof Harry Styles would return, because he felt that was the only thing that could stop him from really falling head over heels for the boy. Fucking hell, the more time he spent thinking about that the more he was assured that it was already too late anyway. Harry somehow managed to bully his way into Louis' heart and that was honestly the most ridiculous thing that had ever happened to Louis, hands down. And coming with that nonsensical infatuation that had filled his heart and mind came the longing to slip into Harry's arms at any given moment, to kiss him silly, to jump him, to hold him, to be close to him. Anything, really: Louis felt like anything Harry would be willing to offer him would be good enough, would be fantastic.