'Help, I lost myself again,
But I remember you'
- "Six feet under", Billie Eilish
The thunderstorm outside calms my storm within. I can feel the wind blowing fast in my face, never stopping, it is blowing to move on. My hands graze the latch on my window and I am still contemplating whether to shut the window and put myself out of my misery or to just be alive for a moment.
The sky thunders and I love it. To me, it felt as if the sky is an ocean that has finally reached its fill. It's expressiveness makes me fall more in love with it, the way it wasn't afraid to show its sorrow, it welcomes it and makes people like us feel alive, if only for a moment.
I wish humans were this way, expressive, not afraid to be true to themselves. I wish I was this way, but here I am, wallowing in my own self pity when I shouldn't.
I breathe in the fresh air for a moment and relax.
Everything will be alright today, it has to be. The interview will go great, I will get that job and get out of this house and start to live, no more depressing thoughts or flashbacks of that night.
"Luna? Are you ready?" my mother's voice breaks my chain of thoughts and I sigh. Imagine being 33 and still living with your mother.
Welp, things could be worse, I could be living in her basement.
This thought makes me laugh, I can't believe this actually makes me feel better.
"Coming mom," I say and hold my cane tightly as I stumble through my room. One day, I will finally get the hang of this.
"You look beautiful," she says to me and I can tell by her tone she's beaming at me. Her compliment makes me blush and I say a muffled thank you to her and get out of the house. I hear the jingle of the keys and sense my mom approaching me. She helps me into the car and we take off. I wish I could see that house getting smaller and smaller, so I feel the rumbling of the wheels over the road as we drive away and the mental image of the house getting small sparks in my mind and I can't help the smile which breaks onto my face.
"What are you smiling about," my mother asks me, happy to see me smile for the first time in such a long while. The wind blows in my face and I finally allow the grin to form on my face.
"The wind is moving on and so am I," I say to her which makes her chuckle and we drive off into the thunderstorm, which calms down with each mile we cross.
***
"Welcome back, Luna!" Arthur says with delight and hugs me. "I cannot even begin on how glad I am you have decided to join us, it's been so long. You moved away from here to Manchester and we didn't hear from you for what, a year? I mean, I know I should have called but I just felt hesitant if you'd want me there or not, and you know how I absolutely despise the what-if scenarios which run through my head-"
"It's fine, Arthur. Don't worry about it," I say to him and he sighs with relief. He hugs me again, this time tighter than before and I breathe in his aftershave.
It's been a while.
His hands linger on me longer than necessary and I take a step back. Arthur notices this and says," Uh, let's not keep the others waiting, eh? Everyone missed you so much."
I smile at his words and ask him, "Where are they? It's been a while since I've seen Emma."
"Oh, I thought you knew, Em's on maternity leave."
Maternity leave?
I try not to let the embarrassment creep onto my face when I say," Ah, I didn't know, it's been a while since I have talked to her."
"She's doing great though, she's gonna be a single mother," he says and I don't miss the pride in his tone.
"That really is amazing, Arthur. Where's everyone?" I ask him, changing the topic so that he doesn't recognize the hurt in my voice.
"They're all in the conference room, come, I'll take you there," he says and he leads me towards the conference room. The walk takes longer than imagined and my anxiety increases with every step I take.
What am I doing? Should I even be here? What will the others think? What will they say?
My hands get sweaty and I try to wipe them off on my dress. I try to keep my composure but it's more complicated than I thought it would be. Everything has entirely changed since I've been here and if I lose this job, then I have nothing, nothing to wake up every morning for, everything to close my eyes for and never open them. I stop walking and take a breather.
"Arthur, maybe this was a bad idea-"
"Oh come on Lu, everyone wants you here. Plus you already have the job so who cares what they think?" he cuts me short and says.
"That's true, wait what? I already have the job?"
"Obviously, do you think I was gonna not offer it to you when you've worked here your entire adult life?"
"I guess? I didn't know that, but oh god, this makes everything so much easier now," I say, feeling a rush of warmth inside me. I hear him chuckle and smile to myself.
This reminds me of my life before, everything. I forgot how amazing things were here and Arthur was my best friend. But, everything changed when he got promoted last year in my place, due to the accident. He never called, never asked me how I was feeling and it felt that I never existed for him.
Maybe I do, but only in this office.
Maybe he feels guilty about the promotion as if I would ever hold that against him. What kind of a friend would that even make me?
The kind he is.
"I hope I've convinced you now. You ready?" he asks me, bringing me back to the present.
"Always," I say to him and he closes the door behind us.
***
"Luna?" Miles' voice greets me as he rushes to pull me into a hug.
"I still can't believe you're back. I'm so proud of you," he says with his mouth against my hair and his hand slowly caressing them.
Miles, the constant rock in my life who stood with me through every step of the way. He was always there beside my hospital bed, holding my hand and continuously reassuring me whenever I had a doubt about my treatment or recovery. He's the perfect friend I could have ever asked of.
"It's great to be back too Miles," I say to him and he tightens his arms around me. We hear a cough behind us and he lets go of me. Keeping his arm around my shoulder, we turn to find an uncomfortable Arthur behind us with a frown etched on his face.
"You 'kay, Mr. Grumps?" Miles asks him with a smirk which only causes his frown to deepen. I don't need to point towards the elephant in the room, but Miles hates Arthur and vice versa.
Arthur coughs again and I can feel his eyes on me. They must hold the heat of a thousand fires in them and something else, but some things are better left unsaid. Arthur clasps my hand and pulls me into the front of the room in front of everyone.
"Good evening everyone, as I briefed you all earlier, Luna will be joining us back and I hope everyone makes her feel as comfortable as one can be. She's one of the best of us and I wouldn't want to let go of her again," he says and I feel tears pooling in my eyes.
Damn it, why did these guys have to make me so emotional? I promised myself I would NOT cry today.
Everyone claps around us which makes me smile. Someone hands me a glass of drink and we drink to my return.
"Hey, did I miss an invitation to this party or something?" a deep voice says out of nowhere and Arthur laughs. He starts introducing the owner of that voice to me, but I need no reminders. The glass slips out of my hands and drowns my gasp.
It's him.
YOU ARE READING
And I, you
RomanceLuna loses her beloved son in a car accident. They all called it an accident, the 'kind' stranger who helped them, the voices in her head, her almost miracle. But was it?
