'Suffering feels religious if you do it right
- Chelsea Hodson from "Tonight I'm Someone Else"
Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna.
"He's saying your name over and over again," Miles says to me, bringing my attention back to him.
"How-?"
"I don't know, but do you notice something at the end?"
"What?"
"He says Ezra's name too, he says Ezra. Listen to it again," Miles says to me and hands the headphones back to me. I listen to it once again and then, I hear it and then it becomes impossible not to hear it, over and over in my brain.
Like a broken record stuck on repeat.
Like an endless loop, going on and on forever.
Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Edgar.
Welcome to my new nightmare.
"Do you know who it is?" Miles asks me, shaking me out of my reverie.
"I-I no, I don't know Miles. It feels like I've heard his voice but why is he saying my dead son's name? My name? Over and over again? He's a murder suspect for christ's sake," I say, my breathing getting quicker and quicker with every passing moment.
"As soon as I find out, you'll be the first person I tell, okay Lu? Lu?" Miles says but his voice gets fainter and fainter.
"Miles I-I need to leave, I'm hyperventilating, I need to go home. Can you drive me home? Please?" I say to him and try to stand up, but in vain. I fall back onto the chair and my breathing becomes faster by the second. The memory of his hands comes back to me as I try to regain myself, how close he held me, the warning etched deep in his voice.
Is it him?
"Can it be Ezra? He's been following me around," I say to Miles and hear his sharp intake of breath.
"He's been what? Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I've been trying to call you for so long but you were busy and-"
"How the hell did he even land a job at our station? Have you seen him around?"
"No, not really"
"Luna"
"Okay I saw him in the office he threatened me and then when I was leaving Maria's house he threatened me again, less menacingly this time"
"As if that makes it better," he responds with a snort. "We need to do something about him, he might be connected, plus he's been threatening you so blatantly. This is so messed up."
"Welcome to my life," I say with a sigh.
Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Luna Edgar.
"Can you please shut that? It's scary enough as it is," I say and Miles turns it off.
'I know you will never believe me, but I did not kill her, I am a murderer yes, I took a life.'
"Miles, Ezra told me before coming here that he took a life, he said he didn't kill Lina but he took a life, would that be my Edgar?" I ask Miles and my blood turns cold.
Was what happened to my Edgar really just an accident?
"He confessed to murdering?" Miles asks me.
"Yeah, but he didn't say whose murder," I say and my voice trembles at the end.
Murder, a word, that otherwise sounded empty, carries too much meaning now.
Murder, my son, my dead son could be a victim of murder.
"What if it was Edgar's life?" I ask Miles but he doesn't reply.
The breeze blows by us and I shiver. I rub my hands up and down my arms to create some warmth, but my shivering doesn't stop. Miles removes his jacket and places it on my shoulder, yet my shivering doesn't stop.
Just breathe.
"I should go home, thank you for telling me about this," I say to Miles and stand up.
"O-of course Lu, text me as soon as you reach," he says to me and I pick up my purse and leave. The wind picks up its pace and blows faster, my hair fly all over the place while I desperately try to tame them with a single hand.
So much for salon-blow-dried hair.
With my other hand, I take out my phone and ask Siri to book a cab. It takes a minute to book and Siri informs me that the cab will be here in 5 minutes. My breathing has returned quite close to normal but the sinking feeling in my chest is heavier than ever, in moments like these I feel as if I am drowning without water.
The luxury of panic always takes over and I find myself, in the same spot, I was years before. The same spot where I desperately cling to the hope of swimming when I was always meant to drown. No matter what I do, I'll always be here. I am not pessimistic, I am one of those annoying people who always look for the positive outlook, no matter the given situation.
However, when life hands you a shovel, you only use it to dig deeper, not bury the sand you already dug out.
"Your cab is here," Siri's voice calls out, and I stumble forward. My cab driver, who obviously must have noticed my unease, helps me sit in the cab and I mumble a small thank you.
"Shall we go, ma'am?" he asks me and I nod yes.
He drives the car and my worries blow away like the wind. The quiet chill of the night calms my nerves and I take a deep breath, my lungs welcome the air as if it's the first time they've tasted it. Maybe it is, maybe I haven't really breathed in a while.
The silence is almost deafening, too quiet rather.
"Where are we?" I ask the driver.
"I took a different route to reach your destination," he says to me.
"Which route?" I ask him.
"Death," he says and presses the cool metal of a gun against my forehead.
YOU ARE READING
And I, you
RomanceLuna loses her beloved son in a car accident. They all called it an accident, the 'kind' stranger who helped them, the voices in her head, her almost miracle. But was it?
