Cold as Ice - WinterWidow One-Shots

a heart that beats for you

Summary: James knows her. He knows every inch of her inside and out and after so many years they've had together, it shouldn't surprise him. What does surprise him, however, is a long scar just under her left collar bone.

A/N: italics represent Russian

James knows her. He knows every inch of her inside and out and after so many years they've had together, it shouldn't surprise him. What does surprise him, however, is a long scar just under her left collar bone.

In all their time together before, she hadn't had the scar. Which means it happened between then, when they pulled them apart, and now, where they are tangled in her bedsheets for the first time since his recovery.

"Where did you get this?" he murmurs in Russian, reaching forward to trace the scar lightly.

She recoils at the touch and James's eyes dart up to her. His hand retreats and he apologizes hastily.

"Red Room," she says shortly. The way she moves his hand away from the mark, however, tells him that there's more to the story than she's telling him.

"After?" he asks, swallowing thickly. He doesn't need to say the words for her to know that he's talking about the moment they were pulled apart.

Natalia shakes her head. "During."

That confuses him. He knows he doesn't remember much of that night, but he's certain he would remember her getting her chest cut open. He remembers a knife in her shoulder, but that's the only injury he recalls her receiving. Everything after is a blur as his memory is painfully altered.

"What?"

Natalia's fingers move to trace the scar and she avoids his eyes. If he hadn't been worried before, he certainly is now.

"Natalia, tell me," he asks softly. Her eyes flicker to his and he sees a pain in them that he's learned never leads to something good. "Natalia, love, you said you told me everything."

"I did," she insists, but her argument is weak when they both know it's a lie. "It happened after―"

"You said during―"

"I know," she interrupts. She looks away again. "But it happened after. It was part of the punishment."

James waits for her to tell him and after a long moment of stubborn silence, she explains that Petrovitch had carved open her chest until she could see the thumping of her own heart. He had threatened to rip it out of her if there was a next time. Yelena had been the one to stitch her back up that night or she would have bled to death.

"Fucking hell, Natalia," James curses. He leans forward and presses his lips to the scar across her chest. "I'm so sorry," he murmurs, dropping his forehead to her shoulder.

Her fingers reach up to tangle in his hair and this time, she doesn't recoil when he kisses the scar.

"It wasn't the most painful thing to happen that night," Natalia admits carefully. She presses him closer to her and locks her ankle around his under the sheets. "Losing you hurt worse."

It's an unfortunate memory that keeps popping up occasionally, but James hopes this is one of the last times. He doesn't think he can handle knowing more about what they did to her after he was gone.

"Come here," James murmurs, tugging her into his arms and burying her between him and the bed. He'd been intending to let them both sleep, but the memory is too raw and he'll only have nightmares unless he proves to himself she's real again. So he does. And then once again for good measure.