Jelix

I'm Here

TW: S.H, S***idal thoughts

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DON'T CONTINUE IF YOU THINK THESE TOPICS WILL BE DANGEROUSLY TRIGGERING

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Sean's POV

I booked the flight for as soon as I could. Which, to my relief, happened to be tommorow at 1:00pm. I couldn't sleep that night. Anticipation, excitement, and anxiety all shook me to the core as millions of thoughts bounced around in my head like one of those ping ball machines.

What do I say when I see him? Does he even want to see me? Should I really do this?

I tossed and turned in bed unable to shake my thoughts away. When the clock hit 2am I figured I wouldn't be sleeping tonight. So, I got out of bed and decided to record some back up videos for when I'm gone. Hopefully I'd catch some Z's on the plane.

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"Next flight for Brighton, now boarding"

I jumped up from my seat and grabbed my suitcase. It's about time. I've chewed my nails down to nothing trying to wait.

I find my seat and let out a sigh as I sat down. I checked my phone out of habit. I've still been trying to get ahold of Fee, even though I knew it was probably pointless. Just then I got a message from Mark.

Markimoo: Oi!!! I just saw your post?? You're going to see your boyfriend??

My eyes widened and I was quick to respond.

Jackiboi: not my boyfriend! And yes. I'm off to see the swede.

Markimoo: send me cute couple pics

Jackiboi: shut up

Markimoo: make me!

Jackiboi: I'll tell Ethan you like him

Markimoo: you wouldn't-

I chuckled evily to myself.

Jackiboi: I would

Markimoo: okay okay Truce!

Jackiboi: good boy ;)

Markimoo: in all seriousness, do keep me updated. I need to know how the bastard is doing.

Jackiboi: will do. Plane is about to take off, ttyl!

Markimoo: buh bye!👋

I turn my phone on airplane mode and plug in my earbuds hoping to just chill and maybe sleep for most of the flight. As I closed my eyes and relaxed in my seat, I found my mind immidiatly going to Felix. I thought about seeing him at his doorstep and pulling him into my arms. I thought about hearing his voice again. His eyes and fluffy hair. Even his soft lips made their way into my head and my eyes shot open in surprise.

"Good lord help me" I whispered to myself as I dragged my hands down my face.

I'm not sure when all of these weird feelings crept up on me. Maybe I've always felt this way and they just grew bigger over time. I've always loved spending time with the guy, maybe more than I should have. Like Cringemas, we were honestly all over eachother...and I loved it. All the dumb videos we've made together, and all the times we got to hang out...I miss those times. I hope we could have moments like that again. But I can't let my true feelings surface. I'm so scared of losing him if he were to find out...

With one last sigh, I close my eyes and do my best to tune my thoughts out so I could get some sleep.

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