Jelix

The Help He Needs

Sean's POV

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I approached Felix's bedroom door. I knew once I went in there everything would be different. I knew what he meant when he said "I don't think I'd be here if it weren't for you".
It had been a fear of mine ever since he had seemingly dissapeared off the face of the earth. That fear had dug into me even more as soon as I saw him in person.
Felix was struggling...a lot, that was clear as day. But him...not wanting to be here anymore? Not wanting to be alive?..I didn't want to beleive it. I tried to brush it off time and time again. But now I can't anymore.

I paused when I got to the door. I couldn't do anything but stare at the doorhandle at first. A world without Felix, was a world I didn't even want to imagine. And this dam door felt like I was peeking into that very world. I can't beleive I'm doing this. With a deep breath, I reach for the handle, and slowly push my way in.

My hand was the first to enter. I turned the switch on as I stepped inside. My heart sank when I saw the state that his bedroom was in. How long has he been living like this? My feet kicked clothes and trash out of the way as I made my way to the bathroom. The door was already open. All I had to do was look inside.
I had to take another deep breath before finally standing in the door way.

And there in the sink...was a spilled bottle of pills...razors...and...oh my god, is that blood?!

Immediately I raced out of the room, down the hall, and back to Felix.

"Show me your arms" was all I said. Felix's eyes widened. He quickly looked away in shame. I could see him tearing up as he hugged himself. "Felix, please" I begged him. "I need to know you're okay".

The tears escaped him as he slowly brought his arms foward. I kneeled down to his level and carefully lifted his sleeves.

There were too many to count. Jesus...fuck. I wiped the tears out of my own eyes and did my best to hold back my sobs. I held Felix close to me. He burried his face into my shoulder and held me tight.

"I'm sorry Felix" I whispered. "I'm so sorry".

I could feel him shaking his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for" he cried. "It's not your fault".

"I could have been there for you sooner though. I should have seen how much you needed us before it got to this point".

Felix pulled away with lost eyes. "There's no way you could have stopped it. This has been happening long before we even met..."

"It-" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "...It has?"

He nodded. "On and off. It went away for a while...I thought I was finally happy. But then...I don't know. I guess I started to fall again and didn't notice until it was too late. By then I was so overwhelmed I shut everyone out" he spoke quietly. I sighed and held his hands in mine. "I probably would have been dead If you hadn't showed up at my door the other day. Those pills...I was so close and..." he couldn't finish his sentence. My hands tightened around his as he shook his head.

"I'm here Felix" I whispered. "I'm going to stay for as long as you need me to, alright? I promise we'll get through this". I stood up still holding his hands. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up. How about you hop in the shower. It'll clean your arms and make you feel at least a little better".

Felix nodded and allowed me to bring him to the main bathroom. He stood in front of the mirror as I raced around grabbing him a towel and clean clothes. After folding them up nicely and placing them on the counter I turned the water on.

"I'll be right outside if you need me, okay?" I said.

He nodded again and smiled a little. "Thanks Sean...I appreciate it".