Take Me

Chapter Five

A.N. I've cast Charlize Theron as Tom's mum. What a classy woman. Hope you're liking the story! Xoxo.

My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean." 

-Lana Del Rey

♔ Chapter Five ♔

I'd gotten home after school that day feeling tired and shattered. By the time I'd walked through the front door, I sighed, and thanked whatever God that was listening that I could finally have some peace, somewhere that my social life could never find me.

This whole day had been one long, miserable, drawn-out nightmare that I couldn't shake off. But I wasn't even sure if nightmare could even be the right way to describe it. It was a whole mix of sensations, good and bad, confusing and terrifying. I'd wanted to say that that day had been a good day, with all of the good that had happened to me, but I knew that I couldn't, because everything good that happened to me seemed to be overwhelmed by the bad.

I'd lost my virginity, but to my best friend's boyfriend. I'd gained a fuck-buddy, but I'd ineffectively lost my only friend. I'd been poked and prodded, pounded and pounced at, but at the same time, I'd been thrown against walls and shelves, bitten and sucked and bruised, beaten until my whole body felt awash with pain, and yet numb from it at the same time.

I'd left school early that day feeling broken, parts of my body aching that I'd never even thought could ache before, and the only thoughts running through my mind were of Isaac.

When would I see him again? What would he do to me? Would he be rough with me again? Do I even like it like that? I'd never actually thought about what I'd liked before that day, whether or not I was into casual vanilla, or what positions I would prefer, or even if I was in to some of the freaky stuff.

I never thought that it would be rough, though, or at least as rough as it was. Maybe it was just him, maybe it was just that day. He probably needed to relieve some stress, and I didn't really mind being his reliever, so long as I made him feel good and he kept me company, even if only for a brief and fleeting moment. For that brief amount of time, it almost seemed like we were more than we actually were, like we'd been together for years, like we'd explored each-others' bodies dozens of times before.

Maybe he just liked the sex. I didn't even know if I liked the sex. At the time, I think I did, I think I could just get so easily lost in the moment, and so could Isaac. But I always felt like a ton of bricks had collapsed down on me right after, when he'd mutter his nice "Thanks," and I'd smile and he'd leave again.

It came as an immense relief when I finally sluggered my way into my house and slumped down lazily onto one of the comfy couches in my living room. I half expected all of my problems would vanish the second that I left school, but that never happened. They followed me around like my second shadow, lurking creepily behind me, never leaving me alone. I sighed heavily, like the weight of the world had been pressing down on my shoulders all day, and coming home made all of that dissipate.

I lived alone there with my mum, and while I loved her to bits, I couldn't go to her with my problems hoping that she'd solve them. Maybe when I was little, and my only problem was that bullies liked to beat me up because I was smaller than they were, or maybe that time when I was thirteen and I thought the world was about to end because I'd started growing hair in weird places and she had to tell me all the horrors about puberty. I shivered just thinking about that.

There were all kinds of things in a teenager's life that no one would want to willingly tell their mum, and everything that happened that day was one of them. But my mum was persistent in everything that she did, and we had this undeniable relationship, this closeness with each-other that was built around the fact that I hardly left the house and I never had any real friends.