under the mistletoe

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

🍐

Christmas.

Oh fuck the holidays.

They always bring back horrible memories and such. They always make me think of my mother and how much pain it brought to me.

I think I've never talked about my issues because what's the point? I'm not exactly depressed or in pain, I'm just in a state of madness from Thanksgiving till New Years.

Whatever. I just push through the next thirty-some days with ease- or I try to get through with ease.

Sometimes, that's easier said than done.

"Uh oh, looks like miss moody is back" my best friend, Reggie, pushes my shoulder as the two of us walk down the hallways to last period.

"What do you mean?" I mumble.

He shakes his head and pulls my black hood off of my hair. My messy bun bobbles in the air as he leans against the lockers. "You haven't been to school all week"

I laugh and shrug, "I'm just not getting enough sleep. That's all"

"Oh come on Julie" Reggie pulls me in by my hips. His nose scrunching at me as I stare up at him through my lashes, "You can't lie to me"

I force a smile and laugh while shaking my head, "I'm fine Reggie. Just miss my mum, that's all"

He clenches his jaw and sighs, "Just remember I care about you. Come on, we have Mx. Johnson's class"

I grab Reggie's arm and pull him towards our classroom. "I hate y'a you know?"

"I just wanna make sure you know I don't want you to kill yourself" He laughs as we run towards class.

I slouch over in my seat and tap my foot against the ground. Though you can't hear it, it's shaking the desk slightly. Thank god I don't have anyone beside me, would probably drive them mad.

"Yo! Dude what's good!" The loud and slightly annoying Lucas, motherfucking, Patterson. He walks into the class and gets excited after seeing his friend Alex, who's sitting next to the quiet new girl.

Each desk sits two people and there's like twenty-eight of us. Luke being the last in class, nobody being absent and me having an empty seat beside me means-

"Patterson, you're beside Molina today" Mx. Johnson snaps their fingers together as they stand behind their desk with a pile of papers.

"Can't I just sit next to... Carrie? I mean I'm sure Peters and Molina would be willing to-" Luke ramble gets cut off by our teachers signature glare "Sorry"

With his head hung low, he sits beside me. "Looks like you don't get to sit beside your girlfriend" I mumble and tap my pencil.

"Pardon?" Luke looks over at me.

"Nothing. It's nothing" I mumble as I sit up a little straight.

Luke leans back in his chair and kicks his feet up on the desk, "You good? You look... tired" He gestures to my face.

"We don't have to act like friends Luke" I mumble, shaking my head.

"We're more than just acquaintances. We're in the same classes every year. Every year since first grade" Luke chuckles as he takes his phone out and starts scrolling through Instagram.

Inaudibly, I curse him under my breath with a mumble. "Y'a know, your kind of a jerk" He laughs.

"Me? A jerk?"