opportunity |H.S|

• eleven •

I'm on my way home now, Zayn made sure to get Jane dressed and even redid her little ponytails adding two pink bows to make them more presentable. He seemed quite proud of his work and took pride in the fact that he was able to do her hair so well, and I must admit he did do a pretty darn good job. She's now seated beside me in the backseat of the car while Zayn drives as she talks his ear off from behind him.

She's a talkative little thing I've noticed, unlike her brother.

I stare out the window the whole time in my own little world, not participating in their conversation but rather preparing myself for what's to come when I get home. I'm hyper aware of the bruising exposed on my face and I want nothing more than to finally be able to cover it up despite no one saying a word about it.

I also have so many things running through my mind about what happened last night considering I never asked any questions yesterday. Last night when I was with Harry it was draining enough dealing with our "relationship", by the end of the night I was too tired to dive into everything and I can't exactly ask anything to Zayn right now, not with Jane present.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel currently with everything that's been thrown at me in the span of two weeks. When I turned eighteen I was prepared to constantly be on the go, meeting with different suitors and what not but I never expected things to get quite this complicated. From everything since Harry's initial arrival to Xavier It's all just been throwing me for a loop and I don't know how to properly deal with everything.

Although I suppose it's not all that complicated when you really think about it.

Harry is my past and Xavier is set to be my future.

There was a small part of me that ignited with hope when I saw him walk through those doors for the first time, hope that he would be the same as I remembered. But he's not here for me. He's here for his family and it's time I finally accepted that. I should have accepted that the moment our eyes met for the very first time just from the way he looked at me but a part of me seems always to struggle letting go of the past, grasping for any resemblance of what we once were.

But that's long gone now.

"You seem sad." A small voice pipes up from my side.

I look over to see Jane leaning over to my seat as she watches me intently with creased brows, a line formed in between them.

"I'm not sad, just have a lot of things to do when I get home." I try to add some cheeriness to my voice to mask the true emotions I'm feeling, a faint smile on my lips as I look down to her.

"Like what?" She questions, genuinely curious with her full attention on me.

"Well lets see," I start, pausing to think of what I can say to a five year old. "I have to organize my wardrobe, I have to try on some dresses for a party, and I have to discuss some important things with my parents."

"Do you have a big wardrobe?" She asks, focusing on that one thing as her eyes light up at the thought, "I've always wanted a sister, Harry doesn't have nice closet."

I laugh at her interest in such a small thing, remembering my own infatuation of having another sister when I was her age. I remember wanting another sister to share clothes and play dress up with, someone to spend time with. I'd see other little girls run around together and I always thought it would be nice to have someone always by my side like that, the unconditional bond formed between two sisters. I would beg Mother to have another child but that only resulted in me getting scolded or yelled at. I was too young to know what a sensitive topic it was for my parents, but I eventually accepted that it just wasn't something that was in my cards. I was always meant to be alone.