opportunity |H.S|

• seventeen •

But if I just showed up at your party
would you have me?
would you want me?

___

June 12th

The last thing I remember is tiredly mumbling my random sleepy thoughts to Harry before shutting my eyes for a second. I only meant to rest them for a moment, my eyelids having felt heavier and heavier with every passing moment from the gravity of that whole day, just feeling exhausted both physically and emotionally.

Yet the next thing I knew I was waking up engulfed in the silky sheets of my own bed as the sunlight poured into my room from the open curtains. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts, finally realizing I must have accidentally fallen asleep on Harry's shoulder out in the balcony, the sleepiness having taken over me.

Harry must have brought me inside at some point in the night, the balcony door being shut with the curtain still pulled back since it's not actually possible to close it from the outside once the door is shut. I got myself out of bed at around eight in the morning, sleep being the last thing I actually wanted to do now that there wasn't the looming sense of safety around me that Harry still seemed to provide.

I let my guard down slightly when I shut my eyes and it was nice, but nice things can only last so long. I have to be ready at any given moment.

As soon as I got out of bed I decided to do my regular morning routine, grateful that there was a bathroom in my room that I'd have access to. I tried to relax by taking a long hot shower but my paranoia kept getting the best of me, causing me to flinch or my heart to drop at every sudden noise thinking it was Father.

Leaving the bathroom and getting dressed in a different pair of shorts and hoodie I walked over to my door to see if it was left open since Father never did come only to be met with a still locked door.

It's been hours yet I'm still here locked in my room.

I look over at the clock on my nightstand reading 7:50 p.m, the sun already setting and I know Mother and Father are going to be leaving for a meeting soon so I shouldn't expect to be let out until at least tomorrow.

I haven't eaten all day as the only edible things in my room are some mints and gum that I could wash down with whatever I last filled up my flask with but as much as I am not having fun, getting drunk doesn't seem like the most appealing option at the moment. My stomach grumbles as I lay sprawled in my bed with absolutely nothing to do and no energy to move.

I haven't eaten since around lunchtime yesterday as Father left me in here before dinner was served last night. The only thing I've had was water for my bathroom sink to keep myself from being dehydrated. It's probably not the most appealing option of drink either but it's better than nothing and it's what I always end up resorting to when I find myself in this situation so the thought doesn't disgust me as much anymore.

My body being too fatigued to actually do anything I decide it's time I allow myself to get some proper rest, my mind being at ease knowing Mother and Father will be out for the night. Not to mention the antagonizing hunger that I would love to sleep off and ignore so the next time I open my eyes is hopefully next morning to an open door.

I toss my phone to the side that I was mindlessly scrolling through as moving to place it on the nightstand feels like too much of an effort right now. I don't even bother moving to shift my body under my sheets, just closing my eyes overtop of them as sleep easily finds its way into my exhausted deprived body.

The world begins to wither away into nothing, my thoughts hazily coming to a silence.

Just a moment of peace.