Seeds

presage

The moment I saw him, I knew. The moment he left me, I broke. Like a sand castle, our relationship collapsed because of a wave heavy enough to set us apart. He was the king of the castle and his position forced me to comply with unwanted behavior. I felt like a mere vassal on his land, keeping secrets and choosing to forget what I saw. But the King was tired of everything.

Watching the furious sea, my eyes lost in the dark immensity of the dark sky, I see a shooting star. I was never lucky before, but now, following the luminous path marked in the sky, I make a wish. I wish for him to come back.

He didn't have the right to leave me alone. I knew there was something between him and Anna, I was aware that he had conflicting feelings towards me, but I could never imagine how much he despised his life. He was always joking. He had a mischievous smile, so attractive that many faces turned every time he laughed or entered the room. He was loved. I loved him more than anything. And Anna loved him too.

Our Noah.

And drawing with a stick on the sand, the cold water touching my toes, sucking all of my happiness out of me, I smile through the tears. His ashes were thrown here, his family made a circle, his friends played a song that he loved, Anna made a speech, and I... just watched. I couldn't say a word. I was afraid to wreck the image of their son, of their friend, of her lover. But he was mine too, and he'd be forever a part of me.

A bird lands on a fallen log some feet away. Looking at it, I admire its black feathers and, realizing it is a crow, I shiver. They are presages of death, but I'm still here. And he's not.

A lightning tear the sky in two, illuminating the bird's beak and its coal eyes. The bird looks in my eyes, I can feel its soul piercing mine, and I have to grab something fr balance, even though I'm seated. A handful of sand: the foundation of my own castle, because his is gone.

Water on my forehead, I look up. Stars, shining, and reflecting on the sea. The waves are furious, contrasting with the shiny calmness of the stars. Letting go of the sand, I stand up, being watched by the crow. The animal doesn't move, as if waiting for something, anxious for my movements.

The moon is a glistening ball above my head. It lighten my steps as I approach the waves, which get more and more aggressive. They want me, I want to be with him, and he's here.

Salty smell fills my nostrils as my feet get wet. Shaking, I look at the crow again. It's croaking loudly, moving frantically its wings, turning its head, trying to bite something.

A dragon-fly is flying around the crow, dancing, as if its death pressage doesn't matter. Somehow, I feel connected to him. A tear escapes my eyes. My soul is bare here, under the stars, the moon, and the sky. The sea controls the beating of my heart, then I hear my name.

I look back, and I see a familiar face.