LOVE IS NOT OVER YET JIKOOK

Chapter 2: the one who broke your heart

YEARS LATER

I woke up from another vivid dream again - it felt surreal, beads of sweat littered all over my body and I was gasping hard. Lately, I kept having these vivid dreams and each time, it gets closer to feeling like reality; more vivid than it is. Vivid dreams of him, of him making love to me, of that same day when he left me.

I shouldn't have! I shouldn't have been dreaming of these anymore. After all these years, I've tried to forget about him. I suppressed all the memories I had of him, burying them deep to somewhere unknown just like how he simply buried his love for me.

I gritted my teeth at the image of him popping out of my head.

I hate him.

I did everything to be loved by him, I loved him and yet he ended up hurting me. People say it's not love without pain yet, how come we hurt the people that love us? Was it fair? No, it wasn't. And I hate him for being unfair. I was always under him, always in the palm of his hands but no, I won't be...I don't want to be under anyone's control anymore - I'm so done with getting my heart broken by the people who doesn't even deserve me.

I heard a gentle knock on the door cutting me out of my train of thoughts. "Appa, are you awake?"

His miniscule and lithe body entering and slipping past the door frame, revealing a spitting image of him right in front of my eyes – despite that, this little boy in front of me became my anchor after all those years without him, after all those years he left me broken and weeping over the love that had  lost.

No matter how much this boy reminded me of the man who broke my heart, I still couldn't feel angry over my own son, over my own flesh and blood, I love him.

He helped me gain my life back in order again; it was hard to establish a pace, establish everything for the both of us alone – it was definitely hard as the struggle almost made me want to give up.

But his smiles, his innocence and his adorableness, everything about my son – inspired me to do my best for the both of us. He's my angel and my number one priority, without him my life would be nothing and not as happy as it is now.

"Baby, come here, don't worry appa's already awake." I cajoled him because even though he slipped past the door, he remained standing while looking at me with those tiny squinted eyes and never made a move forward to my bed.

He smiled delightfully, that familiar smile that reached his eyes and made them  non-existent, that kind of smile that mimicked his other father's; that signature smile that made me fell madly in love.

"Appa! Appa!" He ran towards me and jumped right exactly in my lap, "Are we going now? I'm too excited appa!"

I couldn't help but chuckle at his eagerness, it was my day-off today and I was going to claim my salary at the coffee shop I'm working at. Thus, I promised my baby boy we were going to go out once I claimed my salary and it was kind of a ritual that we both had. I always treat him whenever I've claimed my salary, yet this time I promised him we were going to the river and take a walk around the place.

"Jikook-ah," I raised my finger at him, making him stop squirming under my hold. "Appa will get dressed first, then you and then we're out and about. Okay?"

My son nodded his head submissively and settled beside me. I didn't take any moment and started refreshing myself first with a bath and then dressing myself casually for comfort.

I got Jikook to take a half-bath but he didn't want to wet his hair this early, and said the water was too cold. I just laughed, oh this boy and his reasons. We both got dressed into our fresh clothes, and I had to grab my bag - a back pack that should contain some basic necessities. It was a must, especially if we're going to have a long time outside. It contained towels, sanitizer, water, a change of clothes and etc.