LOVE IS NOT OVER YET JIKOOK

Chapter 23: a lovely family

Jungkook

I laid there on my bed, staring at the ceiling of the room that exhibit nothing but space, I couldn't really sleep.

No. I wasn't even trying to, well, I did try at first but I ended up failing and gave up.

Not really when the thought of him lying there on the couch, the both of us being separated by a single wall and that it took years for us to come to this point, kept bombarding my mind.

God, back then, I've thought of so many plans, representing each letter in the alphabet – each plan modified to achieve a single goal, to eradicate Park Jimin off this world.

I've thought of plan A-Z and as the letter goes farther each plan promises a progressing explicitness and gore, but it's funny how I've thought about all of those in the past yet right now all I could think of is the memory of consummating passion taking over every single fibre of my body, how in my veins it was nothing but the surge of blood that fueled my desire and need, and during that time, in my mind only one thought ran in my head – I need this.

The feel of his hands roaming my body, how his touch could send thousands volts that electrified my body only in the way he could.

The feel of his breath against my neck, so warm that it only feed the flames of wanton desire so big it had no hope of extinguishing right at that point, the way he professed his love for me against my ears, god, I broke down. I've always wanted him that way, but why was it so late? Why did he do it when we both had let go?

But the way he filled me like it was such an accomplishment for him, oh god.

I wanted to slap myself at how delusional my thoughts were. I can't believe I was succumbing to him again.  I was goddamn succumbing to Park Jimin! Everything ached, and it was so damn confusing because I wasn't clearly seeing anymore if it ached from the pain of the past, or the things I'm seeing this present because we could have had this, we could have had this if he only stayed. There were so many things that lost, some of those can't even be found anymore and some of those are now broken.

I wanted to trust Jimin, I wanted to. But when I think about our situation, it was the factors that I had to consider that scared me and the fears overwhelmed me, to the point that I couldn't make a decision – what if Jimin leaves again? He says he won't, but he also promised me when we were young that we were going to be together, where did that brought me?

Jimin lost his credibility when he left.

Jimin left and maybe I was able to get through it, barely, at that. But, if Jimin pulls this stunt with our son, I don't think I can't just stand there anymore and not rip him apart – with my bare hands. Because, Jimin could break me a thousand times, he could leave me whenever he wanted and I wouldn't expect for him to come back but not Jikook, not our son. He's precious and fragile, if he broke our son, I think I'll never ever going to forgive him.

With this arrangement, if you could even call it an arrangement, I think we can start from here and from then on we can decide what will happen. Because at this point, at this scenario, we've got promises to hold but never assurance – and promises without assurance are empty words, they don't have value. They're monetized off their value. In this arrangement, we can slowly build that assurance, after all, Jimin and I weren't young anymore.

We were adults tested and refined by time. We were adults, and we are not capable of making rash decisions anymore. We should be meticulous in each step we'd take, because a life depended on us, and in our case, it's our son. Whatever decisions we make, it's going to affect our son, one way or the other, and with that idea alone should drag us to think about whatever we're about to do a thousand times again and again.